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Transcript of Dating
contest wHaT iS LOVE?
2 Greek words for love
eros = lust, infatuation
agape = committed love Appointment with Love Eros/infatuation - occurs in the early stages of a relationship, and is extremely powerful, pleasant and very real! Early stages : Infatuation - "love chemicals"
giddy, can't concentrate, daydream, lose appetite
relationship grows rapidly; usually don't last long
blind to weaknesses
focused on physical traits & physical enjoyment
jealousy, selfishness and petty disagreements
lack of trust & insecurity Enjoy it, but don't read into it too much! Eros can mature
love chemistry Friendship Trust committed love is...
genuine concern & care for partner
usually starts w/friendship, grows slowly
lasts a long time
focused on character and personality
more stable, less emotional/moody
fun & friendship as important as physical relationship
common interests; individual interest
enjoy company w/o being entertained
no rushing & realistic What is a "date"? A prearranged, planned activity between 2 people who would like to get to know each other better and/or enjoy spending time together Why date? SOCIALIZATION
to develop and practice appropriate social skills in different settings with different people RECREATION
to have fun, companionship and try new activities MATE SELECTION
To observe someone in different settings & situations. To discover which character traits & values you find attractive, and test for compatibility. Pre-dating Requirements... Questions to ask yourself, before you date Who am I? /What are my values?
What do I want my future to look like?
Am I emotionally ready to date?
What are my deal breakers? Establishing your morals, values and standards BEFORE you begin dating, protects you from making poor decisions when you are distracted, pressured or challenged. 7 Principles to Date Smart! Principle #1: Seek a Good Match Someone with Common Interests
So, if you are dating smart, you will spend the first weeks and months of a dating relationship finding out how much you have in common.
Do you enjoy talking to each other?
Do you find each other truly interesting?
Do you enjoy similar recreational activities? Do you have similar attitudes and goals for school and life?
Do you like similar music?
In the best relationships, partners enjoy doing things together and talking together. They find each other interesting and fun. Principle #2: Pay Attention to Values
Relationships are likely to be very troubled if the partners' basic values are out of sync. It is very important to first clarify your own values.
What are your deepest beliefs and values about life? About how people treat each other?
About how you treat your friends and family?
About honesty and integrity?
About religious or philosophical issues?
About right and wrong?
About tough issues such as drugs, alcohol, and sex?
Then, you need to ask how in or out of sync the two of you are on such things. The big questions to ask are:
Does this person share and/or respect my values?
Does this person pressure me to do things that go against my values?
How does this person act in situations that test his or her values? Principle #3: Don't Try to Change Someone into Someone He or She Is Not
Sometimes a person may be so desperate for a relationship or friendship that he or she is blind to who the other person really is. He or she is in love with an idea of who he or she would like this person to be.
Sometimes a person believes that he or she can "fix" the dating partner or friend. Don't fool yourself into thinking you can do a “make-over” on another person.
A relationship or friendship where one person is trying to change the other person is doomed. Of course, it is great to support and encourage someone in making positive changes. But, he or she must want to make the change. Principle #4: Don't Change Yourself to Get Someone’s Love or Friendship.
It is important to be true to yourself. Don't try to become whatever you think others want you to be.
Don't pretend your likes, dislikes, and values are something other than what they really are. You cannot maintain a satisfying relationship or friendship if you are not true to yourself.
Be the real you and look for people who like you for the person you are. If you find you have to alter yourself considerably to fit in with a dating partner or group of friends, you have discovered a danger sign.
Remember, nobody is perfect. We all have flaws.
This principle doesn't mean you will not want to make changes or improvements to yourself. Principle #5: Expect Good Communication
When you have differences or conflicts in a dating relationship, talk about these issues. Don't avoid them. Don't remain quiet, simply thinking these issues will get better.
How you communicate and deal with conflicts now says a lot about the future success and satisfaction you will enjoy in a relationship with someone.
However, you do not have to make a federal case out of every difference. You will have differences. You won't always see eye to eye. Talking these differences out can be useful and productive.
Different points of view add spice and variety to life. Having differences might expand the way you see things.
Remember, conflict is inevitable in any close relationship. Another way of putting it is this way: everyone fights—family members, friends, and
couples. But, the difference between happy and unhappy relationships and friendships is how you disagree.
Fighting fairly is something anyone can learn. Many people "silently steam" for a long time and then explode or "unload" their complaints all at once. It is better to deal with differences and conflicts as they come along.
Ask yourself if you can talk openly and honestly with each other and if you can handle disagreements respectfully. Most importantly, how does this person handle strong emotions such as anger? How do you handle anger? Principle #6: Don't Play Games, Be Phony, or Pressure Someone
Just as it says—don’t play games or pressure someone. If you are looking for friends or relationships that go the distance, they must be genuine and real, not phony.
Don't pressure someone to be in a relationship with you.
Don’t pressure someone to do something he or she doesn’t want to do.
Finally, don't manipulate someone to get what you want. Principle #7: Expect Respect—Have Standards for What You Expect
It has been said that people will treat you the way you let them.
Have a standard for how you want to be treated and how you want to be talked to. If people talk trashy to you, they will probably treat you trashy. This treatment is a sign of disrespect towards you.
Don't ever make excuses or dismiss bad behavior; rather, confront it.
Expect respect for your boundaries from a dating partner regarding language, behaviors, drugs, alcohol, and sex.
This expectation means you also must be willing to walk away from a friendship or relationship that violates your dignity. You deserve respect and to be treated well. most people go through a number of romances before finding a person with whom they want to make a life commitment.
These principles do not guarantee that you will never have a broken heart or make mistakes in choosing whom to have a relationship.
Expect that you will have several broken hearts and that you will break other people's hearts as well.
Broken hearts are difficult to avoid as you make your way through the world of relationships. There is a lot of trial and error as you try to figure out love and relationships. There is one thing that can be guaranteed -
If you leave sex out of your relationship during your teen years, the pain of a broken heart, the level of regret, and the high-cost risks of STDs and pregnancy will be reduced or avoided.
You will have less baggage and more freedom to experience relationships and to move on if you need to.
For now, the best advice is to enjoy each other and have fun as you try out relationships and keep these principles as a guide. Dating = Sex 7 Principles of a SMART Relationships
1. Seek a Good Match– Someone with Common Interests.
2. Pay Attention to Values: Do you have similar values?
3. Don’t Try to Change Someone Into Someone He or She Is Not.
4. Don’t Change Yourself To Get Someone’s Love or Friendship.
5. Expect Good Communication.
6. Don’t play games, be phony, or pressure someone.
7. Expect Respect Smart or Not so Smart? Compatibility Checklist What is your definition of love? Why do teens choose to have sex?
What are the possible consequences?