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Habit 5 - Seek First to Understand Then to Be Understood

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Cassie Tolentino

on 14 June 2013

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Transcript of Habit 5 - Seek First to Understand Then to Be Understood

Habit 5
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
"Before I can walk in another's shoes, I must first remove my own." -unknown
Listen First, Talk Second
Communication and Active Listening
The Five Poor Listening Styles
Which means that in order to be able to listen and empathize with another, you must first be able to take your metaphorical shoes of ignorance and self-interest off.
The Shoe Salesman Story
The Art of Genuine Listening
Communicating With Parents
Baby Steps
1. See how long you can keep eye contact with someone while they are talking to you.
2. Go to the mall, find a seat, and watch people communicate with each other. Observe what their body language is saying.
3. In your interactions today, try mirroring one person and mimicking another, just for fun. Compare the results.
4. Ask yourself, "Which of the five poor listening skills do I have the biggest problem with?" Now, try to go one day without doing it.
5. Sometime this week, ask your mom or dad, "How's it going?" Open up your heart and practice genuine listening. You'll be surprised by what you learn.
6. If you're a talker, take a break and spend your day listening. Only talk when you have to.
7. The next time you find yourself wanting to bury your feelings deep inside you, don't do it. Instead, express them in a responsible way.
8. Think of a situation where your constructive feedback would really help another person. Share it with them when the time is right.
Why is this habit the key to communication?
Seeing things from another person's point of view before sharing your own opens up a whole new world of understanding.
It's because it's the deepest need of the human heart to be understood.
Please Listen Poem
Spacing Out
Pretend Listening
Selective Listening
Word Listening
Self-centered Listening
your mind is in another place or galaxy and you're caught up in your own thoughts
"in one ear, and out the other"
the more common type of listening
you still don't listen, but you throw in agreeable comments like "Yeah", "Uh-huh", or "Cool"
you only pay attention when you hear a word or phrase that interests you
you only pay attention to the words being said, not the body language
you only see things form your own point of view
often seen as a game of one-upmanship
you usually reply by either judging, advising, or probing
when you judge the other person's words and you don't listen to what they're really saying.
people don't want to be judged
when you give advice based on your own experiences
the "When-I-was-your-age" speech you get from elders
you dig up emotions before people are ready to share them by asking a bunch of questions
no one likes being interrogated
the exchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs.
a communication technique where the listener pays attention to both the verbal and body language, and then repeats back the key points of the speaker's message.
Listen with your ears, heart, and eyes.
Stand in their shoes.
Practice Mirroring
didn't say you had an attitude problem.
I didn't say
had an attitude problem.
I didn't say you had an
"Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins, you can't imagine the smell."
You must try to see the world as they see it, and try to feel it as they feel it.
Conversations are not competitions.
Think like a mirror. Reflect.
Repeat back in your own words what the other person is saying or feeling.
Mirroring is not judging, giving advice, or mimicking.
Mirroring Phrases
"As I get it, you felt that..."

"I can see that you're feeling...

"You feel that..."
"So as I see it..."

"I can see that you're feeling..."

"So, what you're saying is..."
Telephone Line
If you want to improve your relationship with your parents, try to take the time to listen to them.
Genuine Listening
How Can You Better Understand Your Parents?
Start by asking them questions like "How was your day today?" or "Is there anything I can do to help?"
If you try to understand your parents, you will gain a greater respect for them and you will get your way more often
You can also start by making small deposits into their Relationship Bank Accounts.
Then Seek to Be Understood
You don't want to be a doormat, so express your opinion appropriately.
Tell someone their fly is down.
Tell someone they have something in their teeth.
Send “I” messages.
Make sure the feedback is with their best interest at heart and you are not trying to fix them.
You have two ears and one mouth, use them accordingly.
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