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Melanie Burnell Rapp

on 15 November 2018

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Transcript of Resilience

No. 1 Promote Belonging
Resilience is the happy knack of being able to bungy jump through the pitfalls of life. If we feel that we belong, it makes it so much easier.
How can we include others? At the lunch table? After-school activities? Conversations in class?
No. 2 Have some "relax" time
We live in a busy world. We rush from activity to activity, from lesson to lesson and from one
organized event to another. Then we wonder why, when there is a lull that we feel "bored”. Be a counter-revolutionary. Find some time each week just to be at home without anything structured happening.
No. 3 Discover some family or self-care rituals
It doesn’t matter whether it is the family walk after dinner, the Sunday roast, the Friday night pizza, game night, reading a book, or nightly baths, rituals are highly protective. The best rituals often cost nothing. These are the activities you hope that later on you will reminisce about.
No.4 Spontaneity and curiosity
Spontaneity and curiosity are the building blocks of good mental health. You cannot tell someone how to have better mental health and you can't give it to them by getting them to read a book.
So the really hard message here is that if you want to raise your children to have mentally healthy lives you are going to have to have a good time yourself. If you want your children to succeed you need to show them that success is worth having.
No. 4 Accept others for their differences
No two people are exactly alike. We all have different experiences, backgrounds, beliefs, and passions. Let's appreciate our differences and learn from each other! As a person, it's important for you to preserve your own uniqueness and have the ability to work with others without becoming dictated to by them. You should have your own independent nature but be comfortable enough with yourself to
allow inter-dependence.
No. 5 It is clear who is in charge
Families do not work well as democracies. In fact they seem to work best as
benevolent dictatorships in which the parent or parents consult a lot with
their children but at the end of the day, the parent has the final say.
Some parents fear that if they take charge that they will lose the
friendship of their children, but often the reverse is true. In families where
parents fail to take their own role seriously, children may feel that to
express their independence
No. 7 Consistency
Consistency is the ideal. Having parents who agree on rules and standards
and who convey the same sorts of messages and who value compassion over
coercion, clearly has the best outcome in terms of children’s well being .It is
also important that parents not be open to manipulation and work together
as a team.

Life however is not always so simple and we all know from sad and sour
experience that parents cannot always be consistent. Sometimes parents
have different value systems or can’t come to a consistent way to handle
particular areas. In these situations, a second possibility is to for one parent
to take charge of a particular area. This is not the most desirable solution
but it is better than having parents in conflict over management issues or
worse, undermining one another. In single parent families or where parents
are separated the same principle applies.
No. 5 Skills of Self-esteem
Every day, think about at least one thing that you have done well. This could be that you listened to a friend, and therefore, you were a good friend today. Perhaps you finished your homework early, or paid another person a compliment. Maybe your eyebrows are "on fleak." What makes you unique? Whatever it is, try to think of something about yourself, or something that you did, that is positive. Appreciate yourself! Know your strengths! Be kind to YOU!
No. 9. Know how to Argue -
Families that work well know how to argue. It seems strange to say this
because we all have the sense those families that work well don't have
The family is really where we learn to resolve disputes fairly. The way that
parents teach children to resolve differences of opinion with their brothers
and sisters provides the basis for sharing, negotiating and problem solving in
the world beyond the family. . While differences of opinion should be allowed
to be expressed, children also need to learn that they will not be able to win
at all costs
10. Parents are reliably unpredictable
With young children it is important to provide consistency and predicability.
This allows them to feel sure of you. After a while though, a bit of
predicability can go a long way. To many children, most parents are about as
predictable as a washing machine cycle. It is important to have structure
and consistency but it is also useful to act in ways that your children
wouldn’t expect. This keeps them interested in learning from you or least
wondering what you are up to.
Perhaps the most important feature of parents in healthy families is that
they realise that all of the above is desirable but not always possible and so
they look at how to promote good functioning while not wasting energy on
blaming themselves for the times when things don't quite work out as they
had planned.
Thinking about thinking
Pessimistic Thinking
when bad things happen . . .
It is permanent
and unable to be
It is global
and everything is bad.
It is because of me
and things go wrong for me.
Pessimistic thinking
when good things happen . . .
It is temporary
and won't last.
There is a specific
reason for it and
it can't be repeated.
It is because of others or other factors,
and nothing I do makes a difference.
Optimistic Thinking
when bad things happen . . .
It is temporary,
so it will get better.
It is specific so I can learn from it.
It is because of other factors, so I can keep trying to make a difference.
Optimistic Thinking
when good things happen . . .
It is permanent, therefore I can depend on it.
It is global, so it indicates that everything is going well.
It is because of me, so I will continue to make a difference.
If something is not working, do something different
If something is working, do it again.
What have you experienced that shows you are resilient?
I seek
the serenity to accept what I cannot change;
the courage to change what I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Resilience is not a trait that people either have or do not have. It involves behaviors, thoughts and actions that can be learned and developed by anyone.
People who display resilience often report that they have been transformed by adverse experiences.
how are you feeling right now?

The ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity.
Working through difficulties.
How we THINK impacts our outlook!
When things are tough...
Seek your Sources of Strength!
What are examples of each strength?
If your friend breaks their leg, you bring them to a doctor, right? The same thing applies when a friend is struggling. Bring them to a trusted adult (teacher, counselor, parent...).
On a daily basis, how can we access our sources of strength, or our own resilience?
No. 6 Practice Gratitude
Every day, write down at least three
things that you are grateful for. Some
days it might be simple, like clean air,
food to eat, or clothes to wear. Keeping
a gratitude journal "trains your brain"
to see the positive (and to BE positive).
Our Project:
Gratitude Journals!
1. Create a gratitude journal.
(black and white design - use a sharpie)
2. Color the cover.
3. Write three things you are grateful for every day.
4. Remember, YOU are STRONG! You can do this (whatever "this" is)!
The difficult things in life


Everything is a lesson
ABC's of Resilience
Did you know?
Coloring has been scientifically proven to decrease stress!
Full transcript