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2014,13 - Ed Session 4 - Crucial Conversations

NACA SG West Institute - July 2013 in Golden, CO

Allison Rodgers

on 16 October 2014

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Transcript of 2014,13 - Ed Session 4 - Crucial Conversations

Uncovering the Mystique to Crucial Conversations
Crucial Conversations
Tools for talking when stakes are high
An appreciation for conversations versus confrontations
A new way to think about conversations that affect your life
Clues about and a technique for having a successful conversation about tough issues
What is a
Crucial Conversation?
A crucial conversation is a discussion between two or more people where:
Stakes are high.
Opinions vary.
Emotions run strong.
Common Crucial Conversations
Learn to Look
How to notice when SAFETY is at risk...
Giving the boss feedback
Informing coworker about offensive behavior
Addressing a team member's lack of commitment
Resolving custody or visitation issues
Dealing with a rebellious friend
Confronting a loved one about substance abuse
Asking a friend to repay a loan
Addressing a colleage's work performance
Dealing with personal hygiene issue of co-worker
What we can do in
Crucial Conversations
Avoid them.
Face them and handle them well.
Face them and handle them poorly.
Tools to be covered
Start with the heart
Learn to look
Make it safe
Master MY story
STATE my path
Explore other's path
Move to action
Start with heart
How to stay focused on what YOU really want
What YOU really want...
For yourself
For others
For the relationship
What YOU really do not want...
For yourself
For others
For the relationship
Then ask...
How would I behave if I really wanted these results?
Refuse the Sucker's Choice
Choice between winning and losing, peace and honesty... "Either/or"
Look for the win-win...
Learn to look...
at content and conditions
for when things become crucial
for safety problems
to see if others are moving toward silence of violence
for outbreaks of your Style Under Pressure
EXERCISE: Style Under Pressure
Make It Safe
to talk about almost anything.
Establish mutual purpose
Establish mutual respect

Mutual purpose
Find the higher, common ground
Do not get stuck on the "how"... focus on the "why"
Stay focused on the shared goal
Mutual respect
Avoid defending dignity
Respect basic humanity
Look for similarities
Sympathize or empathize
CRIB to get to a mutual purpose
Master My Stories
How to stay in dialogue when you are angry, scared, or hurt
Retrace your path
Take an honest look at your behavior
Get in touch with your feelings
Analyze your story
Avoid cleverness
Victim - Villain - Helpless
Get back to the facts
Tell the rest of the story
State Your Path
How to speak persuasively, not abrasively
The "What" skills
Share your facts
Tell your story
Ask for others' paths
The "How" skills
Talk tentatively, not wimpy
Encourage testing
Explore Others' Paths
How to listen when others blow up or clam up
Start with the Heart
Be sincere
Be curious
Remain curious
Be patient
Encourage others to retrace their paths
They are acting out their stories
Every sentence has a history
Break the cycle
Power up
Power Listening Skills:
Ending a relationship
Move to Action
How to turn crucial conversations into actions and results
Utilizing Tools
Your Irate Neighbor

The Disgusted Co-worker
Breakout into teams of two (2).
C - Commit to seek a mutual purpose
R - Recognize the purpose behind the strategy
I - Invent a mutual purpose
B - Brainstorm new strategies
A - Ask to get things rolling
M - Mirror to confirm feelings
P - Paraphrase to acknowledge their stories
P - Prime when you are getting nowhere
Utilizing tools
The Nasty Hints

The Backup Cover-Up

The Unwanted Promotion
Utilizing Tools
Break into teams of two (2).
The Raw Meat

The Messy Cubicle

The "Joking" Boss
Full transcript