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CSRM seminar 2016
Transcript of CSRM seminar 2016
Exploring interparent hatred after divorce
Shared-time: select group – cooperative, high functioning
But ~40% high-conflict / fear or parallel parenting
How make shared-time 'work' – practically, emotionally, financially?
'High-conflict' oversimplifies nature of destructive family dynamics
'Pathological hatred' reflect key relationship dynamic for some
Conflict and hatred differ: hate needs to be recognized, named and worked with
Core driver: might something deeper and more fundamental occurring for some?
Demby: "concept of 'parental conflict' ... rarely conveys the motivational complexity of chronic parental acrimony.... concept of pathological hatred better describes and explains entrenched parenting disputes".
'Hate' - ugly word; understudied
#6. all-consuming: "you took so much time plotting revenge you lost sight of everything that matters"
'HAte-work': 'black hole of injury and vengeance'
Hurt-people HURT people
hatred: response to being hurt or ignored
project internal conflict outwards
'loving hate' - seek to destroy but desperately need
substitute for love - 'hostile dependency'
reunion behaviour = connection & proximity
No consensus! But agreement small service-intensive grp (10%=90%)
Lack of definitional clarity = confusion: early identification? case mgmt?
Birnbaum & Bala: need "more refined, explicit analytical concepts for the identification and differentiation of various types of high conflict cases"
– need to distinguish different degrees and types of high conflict
Common features of high-conflict (prev 10-25%)
Continuous legal fights = fat file (can't agree on anything!)
‘Verbal and physical aggression, overt hostility, and distrust’
Inability to communicate
Children drawn in and used in the conflict
#4. willing to incur personal costs in the harming of the other
#2. Global negative evaluation
#5. long-term attitude not healed by time
#9. In its attempts to terrorize, humiliate & destroy, hatred can be serious and dangerous
#1. a thing of the heart:
('hate punishes itself')
High conflict ‘couple’? 1 person driving conflict?
'High conflict personality'?
Rigid cognitive style – b&w, can't process new info
Egocentricity – lack empathy; can't see oth perspectv
Defensiveness – chronically blame
Inability to self-regulate emotions
Breathtaking inability to self-observe (and change)
#3. thought disorder – of perception: misattribution of motive
#7. can be passed on through a 'Culture of hatred'
working with parental hatred?
No single or simple intervention
How disturb orbit? FDRP tricks?
engage with less Rational & darker side?
hate: Epi ARGUMENT - new leads and insights?
from 'hate-work' to 'hope-work'?
"Emotion is the shortest distance between two people."
– Aaron Ben-Ze’ev
"Sometimes when you win, you really lose.
Sometimes when you lose, you really win.
Sometimes when you win or lose, you actually tie.
Sometimes when you tie, you actually win or lose."
– from the movie, White Men Can’t Jump
"Hate is a force of attraction.
Hate is just love with its back turned."
– H. L. Mencken
"Hating people is like burning down your house to get rid of a rat."
– Harry Emerson Fosdick
"Let go or be dragged"
– Zen Proverb
[Ironies of separation - self, fs, child, $]
Positive experience for children when:
Parents live near each other
Arrangements are predictable, flexible, responsive
Children have the opportunity to have a say
Children less concerned about time split
Relationship with their parents
Parents’ responsive to children's needs
Mixed methods: 3rd methodological wave
Complementary strengths / diff perspectives / talk to each other
Increasingly used in applied policy research
But can mixing words & numbers = mangled methods?
Mixed methods: triangulated designs but only partially overlapping
Dominant + supp method (complement)
Multiple methods: each method stand alone
Diff RQs need different methodological approaches
Main theoretical drive vs supp?
Respect methodological integrity of each
(Deductive &/or Inductive?)
Sternberg's Triangular theory of Hate:
negation of intimacy in hate (seeking distance)
Passion in hate (Intense Anger or Fear in response to a threat)
commitment in hate (negative evaluation through contempt)
Passionate hate Scale:
A1/ I don’t want X anywhere near me.
A2/ The world would be a better place if X had never existed.
A3/ Any time spent with X is a waste of time.
A4/ I would like to interact with X.
B1/ I cannot control my hatred for X.
B2/ I would like to do something to hurt X.
B3/ I have violent thoughts about X.
B4/ I have kind thoughts for X.
C1/ X is scum.
C2/ X is a low class type of person.
C3/ X does not deserve any consideration or compassion.
C4/ X is a very nice person.