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Main: Human Being,MotW, Meaning, Triad & Strategic Intervention
Transcript of Main: Human Being,MotW, Meaning, Triad & Strategic Intervention
What to focus on?
What does it mean?
What am I going to do?
Force # 2: Patterns of Focus (what ever you focus on you will feel). What you focus on depends on your values, your rules for fulfilling those values and your global beliefs, all of which constitute your identity.
Force # 3: Patterns of Language/Meaning (as soon as we put words to an experience, it changes the meaning we experience). The words we put to an experience have to do with the questions we habitually ask ourselves, the metaphors we habitually use, and the incantations we use on ourselves (such as “I can’t do anything right,” or “I’m very smart”).
At any given time, our physiology, what we focus on and the meaning we attribute to what we’re focusing on, produce an emotion, and that emotion leads us to a particular behavior.
1.CERTAINTY/COMFORT – Everybody needs stability about their basic necessities – food, shelter and other material resources. When people cannot control their physical circumstances, they may seek certainty through a state of mind (such as religious faith or a positive outlook).
2.UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY – People have a need to change their state, to exercise their body and emotions. Therefore they seek variety through a number of means – stimuli, change of scene, physical activity, mood swings, entertainment, food, etc.
3.SIGNIFICANCE – Everybody needs to feel special, unique, important, or needed in some way. People will seek significance through obtaining recognition from others or from themselves. When people feel insignificant, they may make themselves feel significant by getting angry. They may also meet their needs paradoxically by having others recognize the significance of their insignificance or the size and complexity of their problems. It is important to remember that for many, helplessness is power.
4.CONNECTION/LOVE – Humans need to feel connected with someone or something – a person, an ideal, a value, a habit, and a sense of identity. Connection may take the form of love, or merely of intense engagement – for instance, one can feel connected by means of an aggressive interaction.
5.GROWTH – Everything in the universe is either growing or dying – there is no third alternative. People are not spiritually satisfied unless their capacities are expanding.
"6.CONTRIBUTION – Just as people cannot survive without others contributing in some way to their welfare (no baby grew up on its own), they cannot be spiritually fulfilled unless they are contributing to others as well.
The first four needs are the fundamental human needs – every person needs to meet these needs at some level. The last two needs, however, hold the secret to human fulfillment and are the spiritual needs. People find ways to meet the six human needs in positive, negative or neutral ways. Any, activity, action or emotion that fulfills at least three needs at a high level becomes in effect, an addiction. Likewise people have positive, negative and neutral addictions. There is always a way to fulfill a need; the skill lies in finding a sustainable way to fulfill it, and in a way that gives you more pleasure than pain. There are contradictions and paradoxes in relation to how to satisfy the six human needs. For example the need for significance is often contradictory with the need for love and connection because it is difficult to love someone who needs to feel important all the time. The need for certainty is contradictory with the need for uncertainty and variety."
The 6 Human Needs
The driving force in our lives can be found in our preeminent needs. All human beings are constantly seeking to meet the six human needs but an individual tends to value two more than the rest. These two preeminent needs become our driving force. An individual that values certainty will live a radically different life than one who values uncertainty/variety. Similarly, a person whose focus is on significance will interact with others very differently than someone whose number one need is for connection/love. Combinations of these top two needs can produce a unique variance in human drive. When we know which needs an individual values most, we can quickly understand many of the person’s choices and emotional patterns; some of the latent tendencies in the person’s relationships, how to communicate with the person in a way that they will value; and which decisions are likely to bring them a new level of clarity and fulfillment. Human Needs Psychology differentiates between a person’s needs and the vehicles to satisfy those needs. Vehicles are the actions, beliefs and behaviors that people utilize to meet their needs. While the six needs are universal, the differences in human behavior is found in the belief systems about what it takes to meet these needs (what has to happen, what do we have to do, what do we have to be like, etc.). Our beliefs are “the rules of the game.” The same human need can be pursued in very different ways. For example, two people can both value love/connection as their number one need, and to one that means having big enough problems that people will have sympathy and care for them, to the other it means to constantly find ways to give and find ways to please others. Or, consider different vehicles for obtaining significance, the feeling that one’s life has meaning and importance. One individual may pursue this need by competing with or criticizing others. Another individual may obtain significance by helping or contributing to others in meaningful ways. The rules of the game – the vehicles – that people utilize (money, religion, relationships, enhancing their body, having problems) are as unlimited and individual as the humans that live on this planet.
Human Needs Psychology differentiates types of vehicles according to the effect that they will have on the individual or the group: vehicles that meet needs but are destructive in the long term, and vehicles that are sustainable for the long term and leading to the common good. Every person finds a way to meet his or her needs; the question is whether they will act in a way that is destructive or empowering to themselves and others. Ideally the person will fulfill his or her needs in a way that feels good, that is good for them, that is good for others, and that ultimately serves the greater good. Now let’s watch the film about Tahnee who stands up to talk with Tony at an event.
About the 6 Human Needs
The Driving Force
Top Two Human Needs
The Guiding Force
What are my targets in life? The motive behind everything that I do?
What is the driving force behind everything that I do? What I most of all want to experience?
You want to know the pre-eminent needs. We all meet all six, but operationally, if it is significance before love, then significance is pre-eminent.
Belief System: The path of meaning
How do I meet my needs?
(the guiding force, the map, the rulebook)
Fuel Of Choice
The commanding, habitual emotions of their life
Where do they live? Where is their emotional home?
No matter who, no matter where, these are the targets of winning the game of life for every single person in the world. If looking deep enough, it becomes clear that everything a person does, is to meet one or more of these six human needs. These are the only six reasons a person ever does anything. They underlie and motivate every choice that we make, and everyone seeks to fulfill them.
They are not desires, wants, they are needs. If you don’t meet them you won’t survive. They are the only element that is INBORN. Meaning you were born with them, everything that comes after that is in-learnt.
What created these? Who knows. Our creator. All we know is that they are hardwired into our nervous system.
These are HUMAN needs, so we ALL have them
Also known as comfort, getting out of pain. Ideally have some pleasure.
We want to feel safe, avoid pain and feel comfortable in our environment. Every individual needs to have some sense of certainty and security – a roof over one’s head, knowing where the next meal will come from, knowing how to obtain care when one is sick, knowing that a neighbor won’t attack us. These are just a few examples of what constitutes a basic sense of certainty.
The helpless infant needs certainty as well as the child, the adult and the elderly person. The degree to which certainty is needed or desired, however, varies from person to person. Some people feel secure living in one room and collecting an unemployment check. Others can feel certainty only if they make a million dollars each year. Even though some certainty is necessary to all of us, what constitutes certainty varies from individual to individual. Code words for certainty are: comfort, security, safety, stability, feeling grounded, predictability and protection.
The second need is for uncertainty – for variety and challenges that will exercise our emotional and physical range. Everyone needs some variety in life. Our bodies, our minds, our emotional well-being all require uncertainty, exercise, suspense, surprise.
The person caught in the same routine day after day will seek change and look for uncertainty. Just as a sense of security is reassuring, so the excitement that comes from variety is necessary to feel alive. For some variety might be satisfied by watching the news on television. Others may seek extreme high-risk activities such as extreme sports or compulsive sexuality to satisfy their need for uncertainty. For many, a major source of variety is to experience problems.
Code words for uncertainty/variety are: fear, instability, change, chaos, entertainment, suspense, exertion, surprise, conflict and crisis. Fun.
High standards = High rewards. High standards are a source of pride.
The third need is for significance. Every person needs to feel important, needed, wanted. As babies, we all needed to feel that we were number one. Children in a family compete with each other and find a way to be special, to feel unique. Significance comes from comparing ourselves to others – in our quest for significance we become involved in hierarchical pecking orders and questions of superiority or inferiority. We can feel significant because we have achieved something, built something, succeeded at something, or we can seek significance by tearing down something or somebody.
In its positive aspect, significance leads us to raise our standards. But if we are overly focused on significance, we will have trouble truly connecting with others – comparisons focus on differences rather than commonalities. For some, significance comes from providing for the family; for others, from doing meaningful work, some need to make a major contribution to humanity; some require immense wealth. Some people achieve a sense of significance from failure, by being the worst at something or from having low self-esteem. Whatever the measure of significance, a sense of being important is necessary to all human beings. Code words for significance are: pride, importance, standards, achievement, performance, perfection, evaluation, discipline, competition and rejection.
Most peoples lives are a direct reflection of the expectations of their peer group.
The fourth need is for the experience of love and connection. Everybody needs connection with other human beings, and everyone strives for and hopes for love. An infant needs to be loved and cared for during a long period of time if it’s to develop normally. Infants who are not held and touched will die. This need for love continues throughout our lives. It is epitomized by the concept of romantic love, the one person who will devote their life to us and make us feel complete. In some cultures romantic loves doesn’t exist, it’s replaced by the love of relatives, friends and tribe. Some people rarely experience love, but they have many ways of feeling connection with others – in the community or in the workplace. The need to be loved is characteristic of all human beings. Code words for love/connection are: togetherness, passion, unity, warmth, tenderness and desire.
Everything to live must grow. It is not a should, it is not “I’d like to grow”, or “It would be really neat if I grow.” You MUST grow to be fulfilled, you can have the first four needs, but missing the primary needs will nag at your soul.
Kurt Cobain, all four at max. But didn’t feel like he was growing and it eated away at him, that eroded his sense of connection and sense of certainty about the value of his life.
You can max the first four, but you will always feel like something is missing.
You must grow to be fulfilled, you must grow as a being, everything in life grows or dies.
And everything must contribute beyond yourself, that’s the ultimate fulfillment.
That’s a legendary life, as opposed to settling for meeting the needs at low levels, losing the hunger, and then settling for class 3 and four, some 1 and 2. Never quite sure why they have what they want, or maybe just numbing themselves, that they don’t know how to win the game of life.
If you do not grow you DIE, and most people spend their time on the dying side.
The fifth need is for growth. When we stop growing we die. We need to constantly develop intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. We grow and change physically as we develop from infancy to adulthood and old age. We grow and change emotionally with every experience, and we grow intellectually as we respond to events and to the world around us. Anything that you want to remain in your life – your money, your health, your relationship, your happiness, love – must be cultivated, developed and expanded. Otherwise, it will degenerate. Some people satisfy the need to grow by working out physically or by reading books. Others need to study and learn constantly in order to feel that they are truly growing.
The sixth need is for contribution – to go beyond our own needs and to give to others. A life is incomplete without the sense that one is making a contribution to others or to a cause. It is in the nature of human beings to want to give back, to leave a mark on the world. Giving to others may mean giving time to community service, making a charitable donation, planting trees, writing a book, or giving to one’s children. Not only can everyone contribute in some way but contribution is essential to a sense of fulfillment and to happiness.The first four needs – certainty, uncertainty, significance and love – are essential for human survival. They are the fundamental needs of the personality – everyone must feel that they have met them on some level, even if they have to lie to themselves to do so. The last two needs, growth and contribution, are essential for human fulfillment. They are the needs of the spirit, and not everyone finds a way to satisfy them although they are necessary for lasting fulfillment.
When our needs for love, growth and contribution are satisfied, they tend to encompass all our other needs. When we focus on something beyond ourselves, most of our problems and sources of pain become less significant. Contribution is the human need that effectively regulates our other five needs. If you are focused on contributing to others, you have the certainty of being able to contribute (there is always a way); you have variety (contribution is highly interactive); you have significance because you know you are helping others and improving their lives; the spiritual bond created when you help others gives you a deep sense of connection; and you grow by creatively helping others.
It doesn’t matter how much money, how many people thinking they’re great, if a human being does not experience growth and contribution, they will NOT be happy.
Progress is the game. What makes us happy is not what we get, it’s who we become. And what we are able to give because we become more, that creates the deepest meaning.
A common pattern is that people stop believing that love is possible, so they go purely for significance and connect only with what’s safe.
That you are not enough
That you won't be loved
Why the six human needs? Again, who knows. All we know is that it is an essential part of being human, had we been missing any of these needs, the world would look drastically different.
All roads leads to rome.
These play the determining part in every element of the guiding force.
"There aren’t that many problems. There are very specific problems, but all roads lead to rome." - Tony
Global Beliefs: you need to have certainty about the world. You need to know how to meet your needs.
Identity: you became who you are, you molded yourself to meet your needs. You are different personalities and different parts, because some part where more fit in a past situation than another.
Values: The most important feelings for you to feel. These are the codewords of the needs. Or means to a feeling that meets the needs. If a persons values don’t meet the needs, people will violate their values cause they are out of synch with their needs.
Rules: You need to know how to meet your needs. What must happen for you to be fulfilled. These are the rules for your values, that really are feeling-codewords to meet the needs.
If a persons guiding force does not meet the needs, if the map basically is fucked up, the person will (in short term) cut the guiding force off the C-E chain and go directly to meet the needs in the short-term. Cause they need it NOW. And they eventually go into a crazy eight if they don’t solve it, just changing their physilogy for the moment.
Which do you value most?
Needs of the personality
Ways to meet needs
Obtainable? Sustainable? Short-term? Long-term?
Everybody meets these first four needs at any cost. Or they would die.
Needs of the Spirit
True and long-lasting fulfillment
Vehicles: The execution, the experience that is supposed to fulfill you.
S.E.E or Reference Generalization
S.E.E Generalization according to Tony (Pain/Pleasure)
The Guiding Force
The Belief System
Beliefs about men, women, people, the world, the universe, destiny, God, life is... the world is, the universe, people are, time, women are, men are, money is, the world is.
Beliefs about who you are
Determines what you'll do. The strongest force in human personality is the need to remain consistent with how we define ourselves.
The basis of certainty, if you do not know who you are, you know nothing. You can't make any decisions.
The elephant in a tiny rope metaphor, your identity is your glass walls. We absolutely live who we believe we are. Wants don't get met consistantly, standards do.
How do I know my Identity?
I have certain values
The way we evaluate what things mean
Beliefs about what is most important to avoid and/or get in life
How do I know when my values are being met? I have rules.
When to feel good and bad
How can I make all this happen? I got vehicles
Primary ways you have learned to get out of pain and into pleasaure
Situation Specific Beliefs
Infield -fly Rules
How I process information
This is the answer to the question: “What’s guiding them?”
This is the system of evaluating their decisions; this is how we make decisions
This is how we evaluate and come up with meaning
This is the system of evaluating their decisions; this is how we make decisions.
A core value for example, is probably heavily linked to your identity. And what determines the certainty of these most often, is the power of the generalization that created it. If the interpretation/meaning of an S.E.E is strong, then there is more certainty about it. The connection will be stronger.
If it is just something that you have heard one or two times, the amount of certainty is little.
That is why we divide it into S.E.E and reference, the only essential difference between the two is that an S.E.E has much more emotional impact, whereas a reference is not.
This certainty is not derived from the intellect and logic, but from emotion. It is not intellectual but emotional. Intellect and logic only provides so much certainty, depending upon the person.
Amount of certainty determines the strength of the belief
The Table Metaphor
A belief is just an idea, and the legs are S.E.E's/References.
The strength of the belief is determined by the amount of references, and the strength of each of those references. A really emotionaly impactful S.E.E will be more strong than just a reference
Primary Question over-rides values & rules changes (Tony said it himself)
What you are certain about determines meaning and directly influences your life
In one way, this is nothing more than linked certainty in your body
primary pattern of your life
“primary fear: the ultimate fear that all people have is not being enough and not being loved”
"Beliefs about factors that will affect your ability to avoid pain and gain pleasure"
Step 1: Elicitation
They show up in conversation, anything that he or she presupposes are clues to their reality.
What are you certain about? What do you have certainty about?
What are you certain is important to you?
Step 2: Evaluating and Measuring
Identify the related beliefs
From the perspective of serving them as a Strategic Interventionist, your values will determine what's good and bad here
Who are you? What kind of person ar you? Define yourself.
Identity is the difference between lasting change and not lasting change.
“Identity has to give utter certainty that we can meet these 6 needs on a consistent basis
no matter what happens in the environment.” - Tony
When you can take the things you hate, and learn to absolutely love them.
And then life really is a celebration. Then we don't have parts in conflicts.
Identity is not what we can do, but what we will do.
"They must develop a belief structure that who they are, is more than anything that they could ever face in their life. That who they are is truly significant, not in an ego way. But where they give it to themselves. Where they are not only loveable but they love themselves." - Tony
The strongest force in a human being, is the need to remain consistent with our identity.
To serve. Leadership is serving, and enjoying the service
Utilization is the single most important skill to any leader, aside from rapport.
A leader makes progress. And turns change into progress.When you set an objective, changes will happen (obstacles) and what you need to do as a leader is to utilize those changes to make progress.
Language is infinite, so the thoughts that you can create and influence people with are thereby also infinite.
If you want something to go through time, through death with language use the word that will cause that: Eternal significance, eternal love.
"Maybe enlightenment is taking things we hate, and learn how to really love them" - Tony
How to create a transformation in identity
"Identity is nothing but beliefs, about who you are. What you will do. What you can and cannot do."
•Give them an experience that causes them to question all this. That violates their limitations. (I’ve never done that…I can’t do that…) And new references are in their heads. (The firewalk) Do what’s impossible.
The best way is to trick them, don’t have them realize until their half-way through it or when they’re done that they did what they thought they couldn’t do.
•Huge change in physiology, physiology is the huge filter through which you filter everything, including the beliefs about who you are. Seeing yourself as different. Changing the habitual patterns of how they move, to immediately get in state. Train and condition a new physiology. Developing emotional fitness, snapping into the states that they want. We want to get them to live in the states that they desire. States that will empower them. Warm, loving, passionate, eccentric, courage, power, etc. Playful.
•Incantations. (Physiology with an activated belief). Easiest and most powerful ways to change identity. This tool alone, is how Tony sculpted his mind and emotions to become who he is today.
•Create a peer environment; where the identity that they need is the only identity that is re-enforced there. A peer group, and environment where the standard is set higher. Almost everybody responds to challenge that is given not from judgment, but from love. And from a person who’s holding the standard they’re asking you to step up to. For you, it means be the environment that you want to create.
•New associations to old experiences. (Change personal history, who we are is who we was is many peoples common belief.) But who you are is really who you are right now.
•Link too much pain to old identity, and pleasure to new identity. (pleasure is the only long-term motivator) Pain is needed to ignite, to get them going.
•Develop a compelling future.
•Develop a skill, that you associate growth to. As you grow, your identity expands.
As we grow, our identity expands
A Value or a criterion, is a label that we use to describe a complete experience that is important to us, either to avoid experiencing or to experience. (David Gordon btw, says that we move towards away-from criteria, but I don’t know if I agree.)
They are a part of the Guiding force, and greatly tell us how to meet our needs. Values is also how we know who we are, they are a result of our identity chunked down.
Without values, we would not know who we are. We would not know what is important to us.
If we have integrity, and follow our values then we feel good. But that presupposes that our values CAN be met every day, and that doing so will meet our needs.
Values greatly shapes meaning, because they determine what we focus on long-term. And our rules tells us what things mean.
To open this puzzle, and get clarity of a persons values and rules, a person gets total clarity of why they feel the way they do, why they really do anything that they do.
This will uncover ANY and EVERY conflict that is within you, in any form. May it be emotional, thoughts or beliefs etc. And it gives a person the opportunity to UNLEASH, and ALIGN these forces of destiny.
They are codewords for specific experiences that meets our needs. Specific code-words for an experience that the person uses to meet their needs. This is where people are different. The reason is always the 6 human Needs, but the guiding force is where people are different.
1.What is most important to you in a moment in time, or in a particular situation or context. That is what do you want to have satisfied and fulfilled, in a particular moment or situation?
Always bring them into the example, ”there you are, in x context” and describe it. What’s important to you? You have to associate to that experience.
This is also a great future pace/test
a) What has been the most important feelings for you to feel in life?
Means/End (if means, what does "x" give you?)
Values manifests themselves as questions
Example; you are watching this video or you are in the room (NLP comprehensive video) and it is important to you to understand, it is like you are asking ”do I understand this? Do I understand this?”
You values is what you evaluate, in any moment and time
all the time, and as long as the answer is yes, things are fine. As soon as the answer is no, you start changing your strategy and things starts to happen in your body, trying to bring about understanding.
If the situation changes, the criterion changes. Will it be understanding when we go to lunch?
Criterion is the most important thing you can ever learn about another human being, that we do have criteria, and anytime we move from one context to another it calls up criteria in you, and that the criteria that you are holding will determine through the greatest extent, what your experience is.
Perhaps the global beliefs are the world, the context. And our values, are an effect of what we think is important to fulfill in that context?
"The most important thing to learn about human beings" - David Gordon
The significance is that two people are looking at the same situation, and having different experiences of it, and different responses and decisions about it. And it is not that the situation is different, it is that the criterion that you are bringing to it is something that’s different.
Change criteria and you change everything.
"Change criteria and you change everything"
- David Gordon
Criterions/values are labels for experience. And that particular experience might be different for you than what it is for somebody else, even though you call it the same.
The difference is found in what it means and the evidence (what has to happen), which Tony calls "Rules" for simplicity and provocotives sake.
At the surface, they are merely labels for experience
The real experience is always there
Our values, met or not, does not necessarily equal fulfillment
What human beings need, is rarely what we want and aim for. We are just children but older; often we don't know what we want until it is right in front of us. We don't know that we don't know.
If we're unconscious about somethings existence, how are we supposed to set a direction towards it?
This is something that Tony knows. Vast amounts of experience and his deep comitment and dedication for serving, brings his understanding of what to give people to a much deeper level than the persons awareness. And because he is committed to serve, he gives himself the permission to know what's best for them (sometimes) cause he loves them.
Support eachother? (those NLP tests)
Abstract to specifik?
What is the overall pattern of your values?
Will you ever meet your needs at the deepest and richest level possible under these rules?
Can you meet them hourly, daily, weekly, monthly, yearly?
In what area is it easiest to meet these rules?
Are they in line with your desired destiny? Longterm?
What values do you need to take away in order to fulfill your ultimate purpose in life?
aligning your beliefs, values, and experiences in a way that pulls you in the direction of your ultimate vision.
What does having this value here benefit me?
What does having this value here cost me?
What do they need to be?
Who's controlling it?
What did you focus on?
What meaning did you give it?
What did you decide (to do) out of that?
Since we have more than one value, we often attach more than one evaluation/meaning to an external event.
1/3 of the triad is focus. And focus has some parts to it as well. Tony, on the 9/11 video, writes these three down: stimulus (demands, requests, TV whatever (external stimulus))
“What will control your focus day to day, even with that stimulus is questions”
“Questions controls focus, and focus controls feelings cause it will move you towards a meaning”.
And he sais some examples of how people responded to the 9/11 with questions:
“OMG! WHO DID THIS!?” -> Anger
“How can man do this to man? What has humanity come to?”
“God, I wonder how all their families are dealing with that”
“How can I really serve in this area? How can I help?”
“Day to day, moment to moment, it is your questions. What controls your focus throughout your life is your values.”
“Questions controls focus, and focus controls feelings cause it will move you towards a meaning”.
“Day to day, moment to moment, it is your questions. What controls your focus throughout your life is your values.”
20.30 part one, AR Negotiating Crisis: If you value making a difference, one part of might have some excitement about this. Cause you know (cause one of your beliefs are) that these are the defining moments that can truly make a difference in the world. So it all depends on what you value.
Why do values matter? What do they do?
Cause questions control our focus short term, our values control them long-term. Values turn into questions.
Parts of us?
"People go where they live" - Tony Robbins
"These shape everything" - Tony
Doesn't these determine the values? Isn't global beliefs THE context? Beliefs about THE environment?
So if I believe that women are evil people that wants to kill me? Then when I'm around them, I might want to fulfill the criterion of security. If believe that they are emotional/attention starving beings that want's to be totally taken, then perhaps MY criterion around them would be totally different?
"Cause I didn't understand the game" - Tony about relationships.
So his values, what he seeked to fulfill BEFORE he understood the game, and what he evaluated/focused on AFTER he understood the game was totally different? right? So maybe the values, are an effect of our global beliefs? What WE believe that we have fulfill in this context, in order for a more desired effect (M.C-E)
Isn't it so? I can't deny that, personally.
So by seeing the world differently, we might re-evaluate what we want to fulfill and experience IN it? Ultimately to meet the needs. So how does the world work, and what do we have to do to meet our needs? So this apply short term, like to a poker game, and long term, to life. Wouldn't our beliefs about how the poker game works greatly determine what we focus on and what we want to fulfill within it?
What's the pattern in their body?
This is what fuels all human actions
"Anger for her is like rocket fuel. So people go where they live, and then they blame the environment. They find the stimulus in the environment to trigger this, and then they use their map to guide themselves to get there."
So this is Tony saying that the direct link between feeling this = needs met, might be stronger than the guiding force
"People have a half-a dussin states, and they use ANYTHING to get themselves to feel that. They create ways to get there". They USE their focus and their language to trigger their physiology to feel this. What they focus on most often, is where they live.
"The ultimate contribution we make is love." - Tony
"When you grow, you get to have that sense of variety. Cause that's what growth is. Finding the certainty in the uncertain."
beliefs are our description of how things affect each other in the world, and in our world (values, definition of values, and evidence (rules)
the difference between a life beyond dreams and a life of total misery
State is everything, and what it always comes back to. Human emotion, the resource with most power on the earth but the one that is least used.
The element that governs everything that you do. Feel bad – Do bad.
Feel good – Do good
Feel extraordinary – Do extraordinary
"If you want to have an extraordinary life you’ve got to have an extraordinary psychology right? To have an extraordinary psychology means that you’ve got to live in an extraordinary state. To be in an extraordinary state you must condition your nervous system; your body, your physiology and focus, to be at their best!” - Tony
Everyone can do that, but they don’t HAVE to. Maybe they SHOULD, but it is not a must so they don’t do it. It is not a standard for them.
Focusing on too many things = The emotional state of overwhelm
Active Patterns that are "run"
Triads are different active patterns than can be run, and the determining factors of which triad(s) to run is influenced primararly by our MotW (driving force, Belief System Fuel of Choice). But a triad can also be directly influenced, as it is an active pattern that’s being run by a human.
You do Triads; so you DO your emotions.
So one of the most important questions you will ask yourself in SI, is “what triad(s) are they running presently?”
people more often than not DO their problems, cause deeper down, it meets one or more of the 6 human needs and by following the link/chain back you’ll find that.
If my "problem" meets my needs, why should I change?
Active Voice qualities is one of the greatest tells of emotional state
Resourceful Archetypes/Roles to harness with your triad.The Warrior, The Magician/Merliness, The Lover, The Sovereign/King
States of resourcefulness and fulfillment
Generally Unresourceful States
If there is a peak state, there is a peak physiology.
Extremely radical hormone change in just 2 minutes.
A human being is INCREDIBLY responsive.
The biochemicals in your body, the delicate mixture of hormones and enzymes is extremely responsive.
Source: 2012, AMY cuddy på TED talks, (har videon på datan)Hon gjorde experiement med ETT element; physiology (alltså inte focus, inte language).
Utan bara med att folk fick sitta i en high powerful vs. Low powerful pose i endast 2 min, och så tog de ett saliv prov i mellan.
På endast två minuter, ökade testosteron nivåerna med 20% på high power, och low power 20% decreese. Detta e 2012 studier ! Fattar du vad det betyder? Det betyder att du MÅSTE elicita active state in the nerous system.
På samma två minuter så sänktes stress hormonet kortisol med 25%, medans low power ökades med 15%!! FATTAR DU!?!?!?!?!Our minds change our bodies, our bodies change our minds.
"Emotion is created by motion" - Tony Robbins
What controls our lives are the meanings we associate to the things in our lives - RMT
For example, two people may experience the same event, where one person thinks, “God is punishing me. I might as well die,” and someone else thinks, “God is challenging me. This is the greatest gift I’ve ever received.” The perceptual difference not only affects the quality of each person’s life, but what action they will take next.
Once meaning is established, each individual will have a pattern of emotions that they associate to this meaning as their natural way of coping. For example, if one person feels that someone has verbally abused or humiliated them, they may strike back with physical violence. Someone else might believe it is important to save face by pretending the attack had no impact whatsoever. And yet another person may respond to the same situation by trying to hide and protect themselves and work to avoid this person or the situation at all costs. The variance in meanings and emotions people can generate is virtually unlimited.
All meanings are driven by our individual patterns of emotions. We all have patterns of emotions. For example, we all know people we like to be around because they always seem happy. We also know people who seem to be continuously frustrated, sad or angry. These emotions are driven by three forces that mold the meanings we take from those emotions – the three primary patterns of emotion called the Triad.
Serves the greater good?
One often make significance and certainty number one when one felt insignificant and uncertain.
"Not expressing love hurts" - Tony
Just focusing on yourself triggers depression, counting score and playing level one.
Guiding Principles for Evaluation
We need a compelling future.
A vision, without a vision people perish and die, the opposite of growing.
When there is no reason to take control of who you are at the deepest level (meaning, we have to find a reason for this), to harness your spirit your soul and your mind and your body, and find a way to contribute, what we tend to do is to reduce our lives to basic physiological needs, And how to meet our needs in ways that are all about us, because there is no future that contribution would even be tied into. Without vision people perish.
When people don't think that they can meet their most important needs, they go to the body to change it, to change their physiology. Cause they can’t meet the needs with the Motw that they have, so they are in a crazy eight (cause the body NEEDS the needs), so the easiest way is to go down, for the distraction, drugs, tv, work excessively, drink etc. To change the focus and their physiology momentarily.
Beliefs about the future and reasons
Från Powertalk med Deepak: ”In fact the certainty is about interpretation (meaning) of what’s happening to you. If I go out on a joy ride, to Disney world, and my interpretation is at a deep level (much certainty, that comes from the beliefs!) Meaning, is a belief of “What this is and what it means”, certainty about what it is)“This is fun!”. Then my body makes interleukins, and interferons, these are powerful anti cancer drugs, if you were to buy it, a full course would cost you 40K$ and a lot of side effects, but you could make millions of dollars worth of it, if you were having fun. On the other hand, if your interpretation was “this is terror!” then your body produces kortisol and adrenaline, and all kinds of things that destroys the immune system. The crucial difference between life and death, is just interpretation.”
Valium, is the molecule of tranquility. It makes the immune system do it’s work.
The meaning that you give to an event IS the event. There is no such thing as actual reality, there is only the perception of reality. What self makes to the self.
The crucial difference between life and death, is just interpretation - Deepak Chopra
You can't fake biochemistry, or what is really going on in your nervous system.
The real experience is always there
Focus is interactive. Meaning, what you focus on right now in the present is really the only thing that matters. It's not the beliefs you have, it's the belief that's being activated right now that will determine what you do right now
The present is the only present
Derren Brown made people do extremely silly things, like robbing people, even though it goes against what they know they value. Or a much much better example, the experiment where he had the audience become a mob. They were all different people, with different values, rules and identities. But in that moment, WHAT MADE THEM FEEL THE NEEDS. In that moment, they made decisions about what to do that was horrible, decicions that they would not make otherwise. BUT, the difference was, there was another PRESENT force in the equation, powerful enough to invade the regular patterns of focus, language and physiology. And that force was all the people around them, the needs that they met in that moment. Love and connection, being a part of that group, BELONGING. You see, what matters is what happens IN THE MOMENT, in THE PRESENT.
Derren Brown Reference
The power of direct influence
This is why leaders has so much power. Our belief system is not cast in stone.
”if you want to know what can shift all this (motw), it’s that triangle that all that motw goes into”. - Tony (Creating Lasting Change)
An S.E.E, can give you a meaning that totally changes the way we evaluate, our whole Belief System. And that is our art as Strategic Interventionists. The meanings we make people experience.
When encountering a person in crisis, our presupposition is that the person’s life conditions have changed radically and that they have lost their usual means for meeting their needs. Interventions often focus on helping the person to not only solve their immediate situation, but to also grow and expand their ability to solve problems proactively.
The Human Being
Achievement is the experience of accomplishing the things you want in life. This comes from mastering the skills necessary to produce results. Fulfillment is the power to understand, appreciate and enjoy your life, which comes from creating a life of meaning. A person may have all the success and money in the world but be internally bankrupt. You may have a loving spouse and wonderful children and still feel that life has no meaning. We want to help people not only to achieve what they want but to experience a sense of fulfillment, joy of life and meaning. This can only be accomplished by two things: continuous growth and continuous contribution beyond oneself. Pleasure can be achieved in the moment and achievement is pleasure. Fulfillment comes from a life of meaning – a life where you feel your life matters in some significant way. Life only matters and can continue to matter if we feel that we are still fully alive, which is what growth gives us, and that our life matters to something beyond our selves which is what contribution defines. Fulfillment is not just about celebrating, appreciating and enjoying your life. It’s about having a meaning. Some people who made important contributions didn’t enjoy their lives but they were fulfilled. They appreciated that their own suffering was making something better for someone else. Because of them, other people would not have to suffer.
Achievement and Fulfillment
Emotional and Spiritual Development
The first dimension is the need to control the environment and our own life. This is the lowest level of spiritual and emotional development where people are mostly concerned with dominating and exerting power over others. Power is used for personal advantage and people are mainly motivated by the wish to satisfy selfish needs. Relationships are mostly exploitative. The individual’s goal seems to be to dominate for his or her own benefit. The main emotion is fear. The coach needs to help the person to transition away from issues of fear, control and selfish desires and towards the wish to be loved. Typical problems at this level are delinquency, some forms of drug abuse, behavioral problems and bizarre behaviors.
1. THE NEED TO DOMINATE AND CONTROL:
There are four dimensions of emotional and spiritual development in terms of how people relate to one another. There are specific challenges associated to each dimension.
2. THE NEED TO BE LOVED:
The second dimension is the need to be loved by significant others. At this level the person is mainly focused on being cared for, nurtured and loved. This level is emotionally and spiritually higher than the first – the need to dominate and control – but the person is still selfishly focused on themselves. The main emotion is desire. The wish to be loved and appreciated can bring out the best qualities in people, but it can also result in irrationality, selfishness and harm. Rivalry and violence can be based on the desire to be specially favored. A child may seek punishment as a way of obtaining attention. An adolescent may resort to self-inflicted violence as a cry for help. A spouse may develop an incapacitating symptom in the hope (consciously or unconsciously) of eliciting concern from the other spouse. When people are stuck at this level, their needs never seem to be fulfilled and there is always frustration and discomfort. Interactions are characterized by excessive demands and criticism. Typical problems for those stuck at this level are psychosomatic illnesses, depression, anxiety, phobias, eating disorders and loneliness. The coach needs to lead the person away from the wish to be loved and to the desire to give love and protect others.
3. THE NEED TO LOVE AND PROTECT OTHERS:
At the third dimension, the need that predominates is the wish to give love and protection to others. The wish to love and protect others is the highest human inclination, yet the seeds of violence are contained within that desire. The wish to love and protect can bring out our highest qualities of compassion, devotion, generosity and kindness. It may also elicit intrusiveness, possessiveness, domination and violence. Intrusion and violence are often justified in the name of love. The parent who punishes for the child’s “own good,” the lover who dominates to protect, the teacher who criticizes to enlighten: these are all examples of love that may lead to violence.
The person who feels powerless to give love and protection may resort to indirect means of caring. For example, a child distracts a parent from his or her problems by developing unreasonable fears or by behaving violently. The parent, concerned, may temporarily take respite from her or his own problems to take care of the child. By arranging this respite the child is offering love and protection to the parent, but this love is at the cost of the child’s well-being and compromises her or his own accomplishments and fulfillment. This way of giving love is violent in its manipulation. When people get stuck at this level, the main emotion is despair. The person can become desperate from the frustration of not being able to give sufficient love and protection to his or her loved ones. Excessive concern with giving love and protection can lead to obsessive thinking, guilt, self-inflicted violence and violence towards others. The coach needs to lead the person away from excessive desire to give love and protection and towards the need to repent and to forgive.
4. THE NEED TO REPENT AND TO FORGIVE:
In the fourth dimension the main issues are to be able to repent for what the person has done wrong and to forgive those that have done wrong to us. Everyone makes mistakes and, wittingly or unwittingly, hurts others. And everyone, in the course of their life, has been hurt by others. What is important is to be able to repent for the wrong that one has done and to forgive those who have harmed us. This is the highest spiritual level but, when people are stuck here, there can be grief, isolation and the main emotion can be shame. The coach needs to move the person back to the first dimension and to the need to dominate and control their own life and their own environment instead of being excessively focused on harm done in the past.
The four levels are a continuum and the coach needs to identify where the person is in these dimensions and help them to move to the next level. During the course of a person’s life the dimensions are like a spiral and what is desirable is not to get stuck at any one level.
In the film you are about to watch, Tony Robbins leads a man who is stuck in the first dimension, with a guided meditation, through all four dimensions
We believe that the strongest drive in human beings is the drive for fulfillment, and that all human beings share this need to experience a life of meaning and purpose. Ultimately, however, fulfillment can only be achieved through a pattern of living in which we focus our lives on the spiritual needs: the need to continuously grow, and the need to contribute beyond ourselves in a meaningful way. Unhappiness, emotional distress, and all dysfunctional behavior arise from an individual’s inability to find a way to meet his or her needs in ways that lead to growth and contribution.
Ask and you shall receive
Questions are a cause set in motion.
They accumulate and create a direction.
How to meet
Model of the World
Motw help us decide:
1:what to focus,
2.what it means,
3.and what we've got to do in order to feel the pleasure and not the pain; to ring the bell (meet our needs)
Worthy of attention
Focus is, what you think about. What you focus on.
What you focus on, you're gonna feel even if its real or not.
We feel and experience our needs
We have different code-word states for the needs
This is our system for evaluating,
"The system itself is the hardware, and the values, beliefs and elements of that system is the software" - Tony
Tahnee felt depressed, but she ALSO felt connection. One can have more than one emotion/feeling in the body simultaneously. Feeling bad, can equal feeling needs.
Why have I put it in this sequence? Doesn't our state determine what we will do?
Wow! What if, out of meaning, we later think "Ok this is what I focus on, and this is what it means. I better decide to go and DO this state. (like Tahnee), decides (unconsciously) to GO to a state. Go to depression to also experience a sense of connection.
AND, optionally, like Jim. "This is what has happened (this is what I focus on), and it means that I'm worthless and that there is no future. I therefore feel horrible and crushed so I'm gonna decide to take my life. Sure, he also went there cause he had side benefits of despair, but that's not the whole story. AND there are people that really DO choose to take their lives. With the motive of ENDING the pain that they FEEL. Where goes the line between state and need-(state)?
Crazy eight people go to the states to meet the needs.
Where goes the line between state, and need?
Question, paradox with values and state
I can accept that values are a part of the process that generate meaning, which = state = behavior (decision about what to do), but the state (as tony sais, GREATLY determines what we evaluate the meaning).
Ex. TB ringer, jag känner mig redan stressad och tidspressad, vill inte lägga tid på att åka till stehag o spendera massa tid där. Går mot min värdering Frihet (vilket jag känner att jag alltid behöver typ). Så jag känner mig arg, lite. Men e det inte alltid så med TB? Att han "tar din tid"? Inte för att din tid e så viktig, men din frihet e.
Jo. Men om jag varit i total lovermode, hade inte det varit annorlunda? Eller om jag varit rädd? Aha! För vad jag värderar mest, bestämmer mest hur jag känner... Och frihet e viktigt för mig. JÄTTE viktigt.
For me, it has been to be that guy that does what other people say can't be done. It started with pleasing my mother and grandmother, and it escalated to the point where I wanted to be something. To be somebody. There is more an image that I want to project, I want to be the first person who's there, and the last one to leave. That's who I want to be, cause I think that the road to success is through commitment. Through the strength, to drive through that commitment when it gets hard. Wanting to be an actor, stems very hard from wanting to be somebody, and wanting to say something to people.
A higher mission
Being a part of something
Being on a team
Having an impact
Making a difference
Pushing the limits
Go beyond comfort zone
enter the uncertainty - exciting
What makes you nervous
What you fear
"I like bravery. Not just physical bravery, but I like people who take chances." - George Clooney
Connected to others
FINDING MEANING AND PURPOSE
The Happiness Formula
L.C ≠ B.P
L.C ≠ B.P
L.C = B.P
L.C = Life Conditions (Reality)
B.P = Blueprint, the group of beliefs that tells the person how their life should be like.
We navigate a variety of scenarios ranging from individual problems to those of the family, the peer group, the organization and the larger social system. The basic tenet of the approach is that individuals, relationships, organizations and community can be directed toward positive change through the strategic planning of skillful interventions deployed in steps or stages.
•Interventions are Strategic:
Strategic Intervention encompasses:
strategic family therapy, brief strategic therapy, social action therapy, direct and indirect negotiation, the third side, Ericksonian therapy, structural family therapy, human needs psychology, life-cycle theory of business organizations, conflict resolution techniques, organizational psychology and community organization.
•The quality of your life is found in meaning. Life is not the challenges that you face, but the meaning that you give to those challenges.
•Emotions are the fuel of life. The quality of your experiences depends on the quality of your emotions.
•Life is constant change.
•Life is constant growth.
•Emotions can be controlled and transformed from negative to positive.
•There are six universal human needs that can be satisfied in negative or positive ways. They are: Certainty, Significance, Uncertainty/Variety, Love/Connection, Growth and Contribution. The first four are essential to human survival. The last two are essential to human fulfillment.
•Focus, meaning and physiology are essential to understanding individual motivation.
•There are five stages to spiritual or moral development: the need to control; the need to be loved; the need to give love; the need
to repent and to forgive; and the need to contribute beyond onself.
Beliefs About Individuals:
Beliefs About Interactions:
•Individuals, families and organizations have a life cycle with obstacles that are characteristic of each stage.
•People change when the social context changes and the social context changes when individuals change.
•Hierarchical incongruities (where two incompatible power structures are simultaneously defined) are common obstacles to the effective functioning of the family, the organization and the community.
•Metaphors, hierarchical structures and sequences of interaction repeat and replicate through different sub-systems of an organization.
Strategies For Change
•In every conflict situation it is possible to define a meta-frame of agreement.
•Responsibility, repentance and reparation are essential to sustaining peace within the family, the organization and the community.
•In every conflict situation there is a third side: those who value peace over and above a particular position. This third side must be identified, developed and supported.
•Interventions may take the form of directives about something that people are to do. Directives may be direct, indirect, metaphorical or paradoxical.
•Leverage must be obtained before giving a directive.
•A distinction is made between (a) identifying a problem and
(b) creating a problem by characterizing an individual or a group in a certain way.
•The way a problem is defined and how it is expressed metaphorically through problem behaviors is essential to its solutions
•Negotiations in conflict situations may be direct or indirect.
•All human behavior is driven by the pursuit to fulfill one or more of the six human needs. When an event occurs in our lives, we take in stimuli through an internal process. Most people think of this process as thought (which includes physiology, focus, language patterns, and belief structures) that create meaning(s). From this meaning(s) we create emotion(s); from this emotion(s) we produce behavior(s); and from this behavior(s) we produce result(s).
•People are unique and have special abilities to interpret the world beyond their five senses. Because we can only measure these five senses, we must learn to control them.
•People are responsible for their own experiences; no one can make them feel a certain way. The fact is, we experience what we are doing. If a person says “I feel sad,” they are actually doing sadness. In other words, they are using their body (their breathing, their facial muscles, their voice, their language, and their belief structures) in a way that causes them to feel sad in that moment. Consequently, this feeling can be changed in a moment if a person has a compelling reason to do so (i.e., leverage) and enough alternatives (i.e., new models of the world).
•Ultimately, individuals always have the power to choose what they think, believe and feel, regardless of past conditioning. All change happens in a moment. The moment we change what things mean to us, we create a lifelong transformation in our experience.
•Meaning leads to emotion and emotion leads to action. All action is a cause set in motion which will produce a verbal or nonverbal effect. Continuous actions lead to continuous effects. Continuous effects create a direction in our lives that ultimately leads us to a destination (our personal destiny). By changing the way we process information (i.e., evaluate and create meaning), we change the source of our experiences rather than try to change the behavior, which is simply the surface of the problem. Trying to change behavior without addressing the process in which we create the meanings in our lives is merely cursing the effect while nourishing the cause.
•Creating an empowering meaning is the way to transform someone’s experience from pain to pleasure. We must remember that we can find an empowering meaning in any situation. Pain is the result of a dis-empowering meaning that we have constructed within ourselves; it is the result of valuing the illusion of loss more than the commitment to find a higher level and more empowering meaning.
•Everyone has the resources within themselves to change, but these resources may need to be redirected or attached to a new contest in order for a person to become empowered and fulfilled. In their pursuit of fulfillment, most individuals seek to utilize and master a variety of vehicles, such as money, relationships, position and spirituality. But these vehicles do not provide fulfillment. The meanings we attach to our use of these vehicles gives us greater certainty, significance, variety, connection, growth and contribution and thus determines our level of fulfillment. Quality of life comes down to the quality of the emotions we experience, as well as the vehicles we choose.
•Are these vehicles Class I or II (i.e., feels good, is good for you, is good for others, serves the greater good) or Class III or IV (i.e., does not feel good, is not good for you, is not good for others, does not serve the greater good)? The goal is to turn Class III and IV experiences into Class I and II experiences. There are certain emotions that are more valued than others cross-culturally. These Power Virtues (e.g., faith, compassion, determination, courage) serve as an antidote to dis-empowering states that cause human beings to fall short of their true potential for growth, contribution and fulfillment. Building one’s “emotional muscles” and conditioning oneself to live in these Power Virtue states can transform the quality of a person’s life. Everything we see, think, feel, evaluate, and experience is filtered through the emotions we experience at a given moment.
•Often, people engage in behaviors that violate what they truly value in order to do what is necessary to meet their needs.
•There are a limited number of problems, and there are numerous solutions to each of these problems.
•The strongest force in the human personality is the need to remain consistent with one’s identity. If we shift identity, then we create long-ter, lasting change.
•Pain by itself is not a long-term reinforcement; only pleasure is. We must link pleasure to those things that will serve us most. This model uses pain to ignite the change, and pleasure to make it last
Life doesn’t respect anything that doesn’t grow
Suffering happens when two things occur: First, what’s happening in this area of your life does not match your model of the world. Second, you believe with absolute certainty that you are powerless to change it. Suffering occurs when you accept the limiting belief that you have no control over your life.
Dr. Martin Seligman coined the phrase “Learned Helplessness” to describe people who believe that they have no control over their life. There are three categories of belief that cause a person to experience learned helplessness:
•PERMANENCE – Have you ever felt like your problems will never go away? Once you believe that a problem is permanent, you tighten a noose around the neck of happiness.
•PERVASIVE – Has one problem ever dominated your life so much that it feels like your life is the problem? You are suffering because you’ve spread that problem into every area of your life.
•PERSONAL – Have you ever made “your problem” yourself? It’s easy to feel trapped when the problem is internalized.
Fulfillment comes from a life of meaning – a life where you feel your life matters in some significant way. Life only matters and can continue to matter if we feel that we are still fully alive, which is what growth gives us, and that our life matters to something beyond our selves which is what contribution defines. Fulfillment is not just about celebrating, appreciating and enjoying your life. It’s about having a meaning. Some people who made important contributions didn’t enjoy their lives but they were fulfilled. They appreciated that their own suffering was making something better for someone else. Because of them, other people would not have to suffer.
What do we want? What is our target?
What do we look for?
We look for gaps. We have a purpose, we as Strategic Interventionist have a MotW that says “create progress, contribute, make a difference etc.” (utveckla)
So we are looking for gaps between where they are and where they could be to feel more fulfilled. Gaps that consists of obstacles that perhaps stand between them and happiness. Between them and more fulfillment.
Gaps that stands between them and passionate relationships.
We are looking to enhance the way that they currently meet their needs, cause everybody meets their needs and anything can be improved, including that.
We are looking for pain, for suffering. For real challenges. And it becomes most evident when we see the whole picture.
We want people to experience pure joy and blizz, to have an extraordinary life, we want them to create and enjoy a life of happiness, joy, success, fulfillment and meaning.
We look for opportunity, how can we make them meet their needs in a better, more fulfilling and more sustainable way?
We want to help people not only to achieve what they want but to experience a sense of fulfillment, joy of life and meaning. This can only be accomplished by two things: continuous growth and continuous contribution beyond oneself
We want to move them out of pain, and into pleasure.
We want erase the negative ways that people meet their needs and replace them with positive ones.
We want progress. Not perfection or completion.
We want people to have class 1 experiences.
Ultimate long term fulfillment (focused on ALL the 6 human needs), and in line with goals, all parts aligned.
To have Class 1 experiences, that goes in longterm, and within control.
We want people to experience meaning and purpose.
We want people to experience meanings of fulfillment.
We want people to experience emotions of fulfillment.
To produce results of fulfillment, and ultimately, a destiny of fulfillment.
The outcome is to make people feel their needs at a new, deeper and richer level, whatever that mean. To make them (return) to their true selves, to become and live themselves fully.
The problem is never external, we don't solve the problem, we solve what creates it. What creates them all.
The problem is their model of the world, their "plan" and "How to's" to meet their needs.
Gratefulness takes away all the fear. When you're grateful, you're wealthy.
Deeper on Desired States
*Resourcefulness * Empowering States * Virtues * Power states *
Where focus goes, energy flows
“How can I get money?”. Sucks !
Bill Gates was a software designer that DID NOT ask “how do I create better software?”. He asked “How can we become the intelligence that runs all computers world-wide?”
When that’s his outcome, his vision that is a must, do you end up with a different to-do list than if he just wanted to make it better? Yes.
Perception is projection
Progress, you need to create a system that gives you ongoing pleasure and fulfillment. Ongoing progress. It’s not about being complete, or perfect, you never arrive.
How can I take whatever life gives me, and show myself that my selfesteem is so high, that I can turn it into my favour. Or, I can find an empowering meaning in it.
People come in with massive changes, and their challenge is that they haven’t figured out how to use it to something that they want. Some things are going to require faith.
I see ONE human being, the value of one soul is the whole world.
Belief: People want to change how they feel or what they are doing.
From Creating Lasting Change
"Give people an experience, that gives them freedom by liberating them from a psychology that keeps them from having what they deserve." - Tony
The ultimate outcome of SI
“These are the needs that every human being on the face of the earth needs to fulfill in order to win the game of life called feeling and experiencing fulfillment”.
The goal of life is not only to meet your needs, but to meet them in a way that empowers you, and everyone around you.
We want to create the greatest amount of positive change (progress) in the shortest period of time.
To close the gap from where they are to where they want to and need to be. We do that through any type of strategy, like the 7 Master Steps. But how do we decide where we need to be?
“I look at what I do as being a designer of patterns, really what I do is to help people close the gap in their life from where they are to where they want to be by helping them find a new pattern of thinking, feeling and behaving that’ll get them there. That’s it.”
We think “How can we serve?”, “How can we make it better?”
To do that, we HAVE to know what people really need.
So what does people really need? What do I need? What is the greatest thing you can change in order to make the greatest progress?
It is all about the six human needs. That’s it. Everything else is nothing but a part of that C-E Chain. Every nice word or specific outcome you ever set in ANY context, is because it will serve and enhance your sense of your human needs. Cause there are ONLY six ways score, but a million different approaches to do it.
It's all about the needs
In the end, it is about nothing but the needs. The guiding force is your answer to how to meet them. Every emotion and every action is there because it will meet the needs.
So, the question that you have to ask about every element, is “How does this have to be, for me to be fulfilled long-term?” And that of course is a way to abstract question, so you have to precise it and chunk down a little bit. Like “How does this have to look if I want to constantly grow and contribute?” “If I want to have Joy in my life?” etc. So all outcomes, all the different visions, all those different distinctions and laws, and “questions of progress”, are NOTHING but more precise and concrete representations of one or more of the six human needs.
Got to separate, so that vehicles are over here.
The 7 kinds of beliefs got to change to a more sequenced modeled.
Classes of experience
Does not feel good
Is not good for you
Not good for others
Does not serve the greater good
You do it because of habit, meets the needs at a low level of 3-4-5. Really bad no mans land.
“I’m a procrastinator”
Get sick – connection
Class 1 and 2 Experiences will meet these needs long-term, and not just for the moment.
Class 1 and 2 Experiences will meet these needs long-term, and not just for the moment.
How often it works
Where it works (context(s))
Fulfillment: depth and breadth (how many needs and at what level 1-10 for each)
Levels of love
Deeper on Undesired States
Offer short-term relief, will be destructive for self and others long term.
Despair is the feeling of loss of hope, is painful to experience.
Cared for by others (sympathy and love)
Released from responsibility, cause despair is an excuse.
Justifies abandoning relationship cause people will be better of without me
Reduces sense of guilt (feels like a punishment)
Way of punishing others who feels like they must help but can't.
Other people can't leave, cause they would abandon a desperate person
Justifies addictions (alcohol, cigarettes, drugs etc.)
Way to dominate and control others (people will walk on egg-shells)
Consequences and side-benefits
When people experience that they serve a higher mission, a higher purpose, power moves to them and through them.
What controls our life is what we focus on, what we focus on we feel. And what we feel and focus on we move towards.
"What to do" is a lousy question. If you ask the same questions as everyone else, you get the same answers. Habitual questions, comes from values.
Progress, you need to create a system that gives you ongoing pleasure and fulfillment. Ongoing progress. It’s not about being complete, or perfect, you never arrive.
How can I take whatever life gives me, and show myself that my selfesteem is so high, that I can turn it into my favour. Or, I can find an empowering meaning in it.
Outcome for Date With Destiny
People come in with massive changes, and their challenge is that they haven’t figured out how to use it to something that they want. Some things are going to require faith.
"I do what I do so intensely, and for so many hours cause it comes through me. I fill my brain with what needs to be done, I have clear outcomes, but I get up and I operate from PURE faith. And that's why gold or platinum comes through me most of the time." - Anthony Robbins
"I see ONE human being, the value of one soul is the whole world. "
"People want to change how they feel or what they are doing. " - Tony
Tony is also always listening for things that he respects in them, or things that he likes. Even if what they’re doing is despicable, he’ll respect them for the intensity that they’re doing it.
We are not trying to analyze people, we are trying to understand their world and appreciate it. Not judge it.
We want to create progress
“Change is automatic. Progress is not. Progress is the result of conscious thought, decision, and action.”
A life of passion, meaning, playfulness, energy, vitality, happiness, joy, purpose and fulfillment, the variety and sensations that life has to offer.
Everyone needs a compelling future
To get through to a person, is not to talk more, it’s to ask more. To influence another human being, you must know what is already influencing them. You can’t do that by talking to them.
If I tell you something, then you can doubt it. But if I ask you something, that makes you tell it to me, then it is true. With questions, we are changing, reducing and generating the certainty in your body, the connections in your head.
You can do it by leading, by punish/reward, by metaphors, but the most powerful and fast way, is through questions.
Which is more powerful, a belief system or incantation?
You have many beliefs inside of you, some are in conflict.
Beliefs shape all your behavior, but the big question is which belief is activated right NOW, will determine what you DO right NOW.
Beliefs lie in passive, resident memory, stored. When you are incanting, you are engaging your entire nervous system with the full force of your emotion, focus, physiology, everything. It is an ACTIVATED belief structure. And it’s power FAR surpasses any other beliefs ANY other belief you once had before. If you repeat with enough emotion, it will more than presuppose, or more than collapse the old belief structures that don’t belong there.
Incantations are active use of neurology and physiology.
Beliefs are stored, while incantations are active, physiological events.
What you consistently speak with enough emotional intensity, you will experience, create and become.
The right emotions are energy-generators.
Speak Aloud with absolute certainty
Empasizhe different words
Purpose: drill into your soul.
"The Bullseye for all of us"
The bullseye for all of us, is a life where we are contributing. Cause that is a life of meaning.
When you meet all your first four needs, you feel certain for the moment, have variety and the excitement of something new, or you feel significance by someone putting stars on your chart or earning a billion dollars, or make love a certain way so that we feel really connected: all of those are sensations and they don’t last. And they are all temporary, all those good feelings are temporary cause they are all about you. The only lasting sensation is who you become. That gives you a lasting pride, not based on somebody giving you a compliment or a kiss, or money, or watching a movie. It is lasting because it is in the spiritual realm, and these are our spiritual needs; to grow and contribute, and they never go away. The experience of growing, is the juiciest things that you can motivate a person with. Leading through the force of growth is a force that never ends. There is pride in what you become and what you give, there is excitement in what you get. Excitement doesn’t last. Nothing wrong, but can’t be the driving force.
The ultimate contribution we make is love, and when we give love we get to feel it.
When we grow, we get to have that sense of variety. And certainty.
"Beliefs that affect more than one area of life"
A persons away-from values (negative emotions) are often good targets for an intervention.
Examples: Business, relationship etc. For some people it’s God. When you know a person’s vehicle, you know where their greatest fear is. You can predict the problems, if you understand the vehicles.
MIssmatcher/Matcher – Significance & certainty driven, always if missmatcher.
Primary Representational System
What fuels all human action? What do you use to produce the energy to look at your rulebook and decide what things mean and what you should do? What do you use to take what you know and make to meet your needs? The energy that you use.
Out of the 1000’s of emotions that you can feel in an average week constantly, it’s a about 12 different emotions for 96% of the people.
Supporting belief: People go where they live, and then they blame the environment. They find the stimulus in the environment to trigger this, and then they use their guiding map to get themselves there.
People create ways to get there, the states that they live in. What the focus on most often, the habitual language.
What fuels you?
You can change a persons focus, physiology and language just by telling a story, and change their maps just by asking a few new questions while telling the stories.
Change a MotW with metaphors and Questions
Sound is a great indicator of measuring what really goes on in the human nervous system
Finnish of by doing a model where we assemble the essentials of this, in a model that visually shows how these elements relate and interract to eachother (environment and then the human and how we meet the needs, and the filters of focus/path of meaning, triad etc. Will be awesome!
Allt detta förstörs om jag tittar på det som "cast & stone that has got to be perfect". Som att alla dessa principerna är den absoluta sanningen. Fuck det. Sabbar allt. Du måste kolla på det som en individ. Kritiskt. Experimentera och testa skiten! Inte bara acceptera all skit.
If I was totally free, and totally limitless, what would I do today?
"Then my primary question was obvious, "how can I make this better?". I ask that question a million times a day unconsciously, and probably 100's of times a day consciously. I live for that question, that is why you are here is because of that question, because by asking that question I've gotten a lot of answers.
Like, whenever I go to a movie, or any experience like that, I become so fully associated. Because I dictate how I can use what I saw heard or experienced, to understand, change or improve the quality of peoples lives.
So the other question that I always ask is "How can I use this?", but the only reason I ask that is so that I can make it better. (Motivating C-E in values hierarchy)
Now all human behavior is belief driven. You evaluate this way (you ask this question) cause you believe that the answer is extremely important to meet your needs.
So it will first be tied and connected to different parts of the B.S, like values, and probably identity.
So the qestion is really driven to meet an idea. an idea that is important to the person (a value). What will it lead to? is the pleasure side.
And the pain side is: What would happen if you didn't fulfill it?
On "how we know what to do an intervention on".
Or what's the right things to do
Here is a real fact that tells us why DIFFERENT approaches are as good as any, and why Tony can focus on so many different areas of this map in different interventions. And the fact is this; that we are a cybernetic system. "If you change ONE part of the system, the whole system then the whole system re-adjusts to that change.
According to NLP developer Robert Dilts, systemic models are different from statistical or linear models in that they deal with the feedback of total systems, systems in which events at any position in the system may be expected to have effect at all positions on the system at later times. A particular cause or effect cannot be isolated from its context. Therefore, each part must be considered and measured in terms of the whole. Human behavior, health conditions and experiences in general are undoubtedly the result of such a system. Therefore, any satisfactory model of human experience, behavioral, physiological or epistemological, must be systemic
We are a cybernetic system
So where it matters (any element) is everytime it affects and becomes a part of your ACTIVE triad, in the PRESENT. And, the consequences of it being a part of it, in the future. Having rejection as nr 1 away from value is fine, if you are the only person on the earth. To evaulate wéther it's good or bad, you have to uncover how it really manifests itself in reality through the triad, and what consequences will come of that.
What really matters, how you know what to do
"When the "story" doesn't support them being more spiritual, emotional, more loving, more passionate, having more fun, more giving
In a family, or any social context, significance comes in the form of attention
To measure significance one has to compare and contrast
3 Part Beings
"It's really hard to be happy when you're not being yourself. Joy comes from being spontaneous."
I will guide you through this film, analyzing the interventions and offering a series of steps that you can use to create changes in yourself and in others. If you ever feel constrained by your identity, if you find yourself not being able to do things that you think you might be capable of doing, it is most likely that there was a time in your life in which you made a key decision that has shaped the way you look at life, the way you interact with people, and the results you’re getting today. If you want to expand your ability, your choices, and your freedom, you will find this film extremely valuable.
What is your energy?
Where do you come from within?
A place of...? (scarsity, fear, love...)
Motive does matter. Where from within does this behavior come from? What is it fueled by?
In x context? Gym, girls, friends, etc.
Ways to meet needs
What actually TRIGGERS the feelings! In the environments in REAL LIFE.
This is where the rubber meets the road, where the 6 Human Needs meet real life.
Any of these rules will go "BAM BAM! in your nervous system in that moment, cause that's the meaning
Like where we use the triad, to filter our experience (Tony sais this multiple times, especially with language) this is like the "preset" language, when you are not actively and consciously using your triad and language (level 1 change, in the moment). That's also why I've heard Tony describe the language part of the triad with "and the third part of the triad is language/belief. (he might also have said focus/belief, but it's the same in reality, you focus on where your rules take you" So this is how you filter and shape experience unconsciously ALL THE TIME. Unless you consciously change your focus using questions, or change your focus with a distraction, or is directly influenced by someone else, your values tells you what to focus on. Our rules tells us what means, and from that meaning we get emotion that fuels our behaviout (what to do).
-"This is your heaven and this is your hell"
Which values drives your behaviour the most?
3. Elicit Rules/Complex Equivalents - What triggers every emotion that you feel
If you understand the importance of meaning in the human nervous system, you'll understand the importance of rules as they are our unconsciously preset meanings
The purpose is to get down to the TRUTH about what really makes you feel the way you feel, not perfection.
Be honest, FIRST gut response. These are not intellectual, they are in our nervous system on automatic, and create state
Sensory Specific,VAK (where, when, how, how often) "How much is a lot of fighting? -"Very little."
Opposites, ex: "in order for there to be love there can't be...?" (what external circumstances prevents you to feel your values)
It is absolutely fine for values to "branch in" together, as they often work as sequence (hence the term "complex equivalents") ex; Jim has to be validated (#4 value) to feel good enough. To feel good enough, jim also has to feel worthy, which is another "value".
And he's got to feel respected in order to feel love.
Challenge the depth and "breadth" by the rules, ex: "what has to happen for you to feel rejected by a stranger Jim?"
Experiment with completing the rules, the deeper you dig will often be better, "Are there more situations that make you feel x? What if X? What if Y?
From Alex, who's been to Date with Destiny
Types of Rules:
1. Threshold: Must/Must not/Must never/Must always
Example: I must get through this. Nothing comes before the safety of my kids. I must never
swear. One must always be positive.
2. Personal Standards: Should/Should not/Should never/Should always
Example: I should go running every weekend. I shouldn’t smoke. I should never let him hit me. I
should always save for a rainy day.
3. Possibility/Impossibility: Can/Cannot/Can never
Example: I can commit to 90 days. I can’t stand her. I could never do that.
4. Rules of Intention: Will/Will not/Will never/Will always
Example: I will give him the appreciation he craves for. I won’t let this happen again. I’ll never
use our kids as negotiation tools. I’ll always love you.
5. Global Beliefs: Is/Is not
o What must you never do or be in your relationship?
o What must they never do or be?
o What must you always do or be?
o What must they always do or be?
o What should you do or be?
o What should they do or be?
o What will you do?
o What can you do?
o You must never experience? Must never share? Must never see? Must never feel?
o What must you have?
o What has to happen for your values to be met?
o What are the rules for life?
o What are your rules for relationships?
o How do you know when you feel good?
o How do you know when you feel bad?
"New rules, new game"
"These rules are the filter of experiencing your needs"
At DwD (from Project Life Mastery, the guy who went there)
1. Indepth work to discover current values and rules
2. Figure out your ultimate destiny
3. What values will you need, in what order, to get there? (align with outcome), who do you need to be? What does x part value?
"Standing countless of hours with buddy to discover new values and rules until our brains turned to mush"
"...Analyzing every value in a specific order and a lot of deep throught to discover new values and rules"
"Fully integrate values, rules, mission statement, power virtues, primary question into life."
"One of the best ways was to team up in groups of four and using incantations and a lot of intense energy to condition them." "We didn't proceed until everyone in the group agreed that the new beliefs and values were congruent."
Do you see how these rules clearly reflect in your behavior?
4. Challenge, and follow the emotional experience throughout the rules with the events of reality.
What are the consequences?
How well does this really meet with reality?
This is what the values are, the real experience. Values are just labels, linguistic words of association.
Challenging the Rules:
How does x mean y?
Does X always mean y?
Can you think of examples where x does not mean y?
It's like "What are the preset triads that you run, where and when and why (meanings)?"
How do you use your nervous system and physiology in different situations?
We live who we believe we are
When something is a must, it becomes a part of YOU.
Your identity, is your standard.
Wants don't get met, standards do. This is why goals expand our identity.
- One word, changes bio-chemistry
You can't find certainty in completion. It won't work.
An example of how meaning relates to needs.
Tony paths to meaning, from Spheres and Needs:
OK. And what’s been, what have you been trying to get through the work? What needs were you trying to meet primarily at the top of your work and your self?
Lyndsey: Um, I have had a very sever gambling problem over a number of years. Um, I managed to kick the habit of that about twelve months ago but unfortunately I’ve been left with enormous amounts of debt. [her voice trembling] For me to get rid of the debt I need to work.
Tony: OK. So now we have what the real challenge is. You are really working for what need, then?
Lyndsey: For me I think. Um...
Tony: No, but which need? Connection and love, growth, contribution, certainty, variety, significance, what’s the main reason you’re working?
Lyndsey: I’d say to re-establish the connection and love with those I’ve hurt.
Tony: OK. So you’re working to re-establish it, that’s what’s behind it, but when you think about going to work, mostly you’re thinking about making money so that you can do well enough to re-establish that, is that right?
Shows that to make things simple, you can simply relate the meaning directly to a need.
Problems can be in language, because meaning can be structured and created from language.
Like Lyndsey. She didn't like work cuz she was really working for certainty and to move away from guilt and insignificance. This meaning was created through a language pattern; a metaphor. "I'm carrying around this bag"
Listen for her exact language, this is what she is experiencing:
"The one thing that I have left is the debt and that’s just a constant reminder to me of always. It doesn’t matter how much I look to my future, I consistently have this bag that I carry around with me so I can focus on my work to try and free myself of the bag that I have carrying around with me. "
And simply by countering with questions, first counter questions to the metaphor, and then 2 future paces.
Tony: Well what if you put the bag down?
Lyndsey: Life wouldn’t be as heavy.
Tony: And what if you took the bag and you put it into a little rocket and you shot it into the sun?
Lyndsey: [laughing] Um, yea, that’d get rid of the bag.
Tony: [laughing] Yea. And after that’s happened, tell me what happens when you walk outside?
Lyndsey: Um, the world’s a lot nicer place, life isn’t so tough, it’s not so stressful.
Tony: And how does work feel now?
Lyndsey: Work’s actually always felt great. I love what I do.
As Lyndsey imagines getting rid of the bag, meaning the suffering, she can experience the love that she actually has for her work.
"Right now her reason for working just changed. True or false?" - TR
Cause we feel what we focus on, and she used language to focus on this heavy bag.
It's like we can only experince one at a time, but there's a sequence loaded. Get rid of the 1st, and the next experience pops in. Maybe this is how we grow:
The crazy eight
Triggers in ANY context or SPECIFIC situation where
a human being feels OUT OF CONTROL, i.e. POWERLESS to change it.
Values are examples of stages of spiritual development.
THE NEED TO DOMINATE AND CONTROL
THE NEED TO BE LOVED:
THE NEED TO LOVE AND PROTECT OTHERS
THE NEED TO REPENT AND TO FORGIVE
And the levels of values systems a person generally goes through (Claire Graves)