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Crucial Conversations Presentation

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by

Sarah Noakes

on 22 November 2013

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Transcript of Crucial Conversations Presentation

1. What makes a Conversation Crucial?
Relationships are being impacted in a way that is not productive and/or Results are not being met
Personal and Professional

As humans, we all get 'stuck' sometimes.
Identifying where we are ‘stuck’ and what kind of problem it is, is important in moving forward towards results. This is especially true in complex problems or situations.
Learning Goals:
A brief overview of strategies and steps/stages of
Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High
Points to reflect upon in your current communication style and ability to both foster positive relationships and get mutually agreeable results
Potential next steps for a Crucial Conversation you have in mind

2. Start with the Heart
Being reflective and true to what you really want (for yourself, the team and a whole organization) is critical when engaging in a Crucial Conversation
While we are acutely aware of how others contribute to unhealthy conversations, we are often unaware of the ways in which we are contributing to the problem

Crucial Conversations Presentation
Sarah Noakes OCT

How did you get your way as a child?
Crucial Conversation required?
Unbundle with CPR....
Identifying what type of problem we are facing that is presenting us with the need for a Crucial Conversation is the important first step.
C-Content
This is something that has happened once and usually is isolated.
P-Pattern
This a recurring problem that has happened several times or more.
R-Relationship
How this problem is affecting the relationship, trust or competence is at stake
What is your style
under stress?
Reflect upon how you got your way as a child
Range of reactions from
Silence
to
Violence
Review of your Style Under Stress Score
The first step to improvement is awareness

Activity:
1. Recall a tough conversation you’ve had that has left you frustrated, not having gotten the end result you had hoped for.
2. Complete the table with “Left Hand Column” (What I was thinking of feeling but didn’t actually say) and a “Right Hand Column”(what was actually said).

If you don't talk it out, you will act it out
Unspoken thoughts, feelings and motives can affect a difficult conversation in a negative way, leaving one or both parties unsatisfied, frustrated and not achieving desired outcomes for themselves or others.
What am I behaving
like I want?
Problem:
The first thing that deteriorates during a crucial conversation is not our behavior (that comes second), but our motives.
Solution:
Learn how to stay focused on what you really want and get better results.

Understanding Motives
Unhealthy Motives
Be right
Look good/save face
Win
Punish/blame
Avoid Conflict

Healthy Motives
Learn
Find the Truth
Produce Results
Strengthen relationships

Restart Your Brain!
• What am I behaving like I want?
• What results do I really want? For myself? For others? For the relationship? For the organization?
• How would I behave if I really did?

3. Master Your Stories
Activity: The Most Difficult Person
1. Brainstorm some of the types of people you find most difficult. Not specific people, but types of people.
2. In your group, choose one of the types of people you find most difficult and give that person a creative name.
3. Describe the types of things that this person does that made you choose the name you did. Share with the group.
Now....
Imagine you are engaged in a conversation with one of these people.
First, how does it make you feel? How would it make you react on your worst day?
The Path to Action:
Our Stories Create Our Emotions & We Create Our Stories
Path to Action...
First, you see or hear.
You’re working on your first SIP as a new Administrator. Your Superintendent calls you five times in the week it is expected to check up on you and offer suggestions.
Second, you tell a story.
You decide that your Superintendent is questioning your capabilities. He does not believe you can do that task and complete it on time. He thinks you are incompetent and is questioning why you were hired in the first place.
Third, you generate a feeling.
You feel hurt, worried and defensive. This leads to anger and feelings of unease. Your Superintendent has obviously not paid attention during any interview process and has not recognized that you often exceed expectations and receive good feedback.
Fourth, you act.
You are not open with your Superintendent for fear of being judged or look over for future opportunities. You lose trust in the mentoring relationship and wonder if looking into other opportunities may be an option. Your work quality on the SIP diminishes as you feel your efforts are not trusted or recognized anyways.
Challenge the Story you have told yourself! Don't always jump to conclusions!
When the "wheels fall off", retrace your steps back to the source to determine next steps...
Skill #1: Separate Facts from Stories
Focus on an actual occurrence, versus focus on judgments determining facts as good or bad, conclusions helping us fit all the story pieces together or attributions that tell us why people do what they do.
Skill #2: Watch for Three Clever Stories
Victim Stories

Villain Stories

Helpless Stories
Skill #3: Tell the Rest of the Story
Turn yourself from a victim to a contributor *

Turn Others from Villains into Humans *

Turn Yourself from Helpless into Able *



Next steps:
Reflect upon what you've learned today, "Start with me First."
Learn more at http://www.vitalsmarts.com
Your feedback is appreciated!
http://padlet.com/wall/crucialconversations
Full transcript