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The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens Relationship Bank Account

The Relationship Bank Account (RBA)
by

Lenora Gunnoe

on 30 November 2015

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Transcript of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens Relationship Bank Account

The Relationship Bank Account (RBA)
The RBA
Long and short of it is, your ability to get along with others will
largely determine
how successful you are in your career and your level of personal happiness
The RBA
Although many similarities, RBA is different from a financial account in
three
ways:
How Do You Build a Rich Relationship or Repair a Broken One?
It's simple;
one deposit at a time
- there is no quick fix
If my relationship with you is $5000 in the hole, I need to make $5001 worth of deposits to get it back in the positive
Let's Review Where We Are...
In part 1: The Private Victory we learned about the PBA and Habits 1, 2, and 3. These habits were all PERSONAL. They were about the relationship we have with ourself.
In part 2: The Public Victory, we'll learn about the RBA and Habits 4, 5, and 6. These are about the relationship we have with other people.
The key to mastering relationships is first mastering yourself
At least to some degree

Why is success with self so important to success with others?

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens
The Relationship Bank Account (RBA)
"On Their Deathbed, Nobody Has Ever Wished They Had Spent More Time At The Office."
What's it like to be in a relationship with you?
If you had to rate how you're doing in your most important relationships how would you score?
Rate YOUR contribution to the relationship on a scale from 1 (low) to 5 (high.)
Who are the key relationships in your life?
List them; how long have you had a relationship with them?
PBA
represents how much
trust/confidence
you have in yourself
RBA
represents how much
trust/confidence
you have in
each
of your
relationships
RBA is much like a checking account at a bank:
You can make
deposits
and
improve
the relationship or make
withdrawals
and
weaken
it
Strong
and
healthy

relationships
are
always
the result of making
steady deposits over a long period
You have an RBA with everyone you meet
Once you have an RBA opened with someone you can never close it
Why when you run into an old friend it's like no time has passed
In a checking account ten dollars is ten dollars
In the RBA, deposits tend to evaporate and withdrawals tend to turn to stone
Means you have to continually make small deposits to your most important relationships to keep them in the positive
Covey asked a group of teens what the most
powerful deposit
was that anyone has made into their RBA
Based on what he learned, he identified
six key deposits
that seem to work every time
And their
opposing withdrawals
Six Key Deposits
RBA Deposits
RBA Withdrawals
Keep Promises

Do Small Acts of Kindness

Be Loyal

Listen

Say You're Sorry

Set Clear Expectations
Break Promises

Keep To Yourself

Gossip and Break Confidences

Don't Listen

Be Arrogant

Set False Expectations
Six Key Deposits
Keeping Promises
p.134
Keeping
promises
and
small commitments
is vital to building trust
Give out promises
sparingly
and do everything you can to keep them
Nobody likes a
flake!
If you're
genuine
and try to keep promises people will understand when something interferes
Life happens!
If your
RBA
with your parents is low try building it
by keeping your commitments
When your parents trust you everything goes so much better
Do Small Acts of Kindness
Sometimes the smallest things, a smile, a kind note, a hello, a compliment, a hug - can make such a
big difference
Six Key Deposits
Do Small Acts of Kindness
If you want to
build friendships
try doing
the little things
, because in relationships the little things are
the big things
p.136
You don't have to look far to find opportunities for small acts of kindness
Don't always have to be
one-on-one
, can
join others
to make a deposit
Think about what a deposit would mean to somebody else - not what you would want as a deposit
So if you have something nice to say - don't let that thought rot! Say it!
Be Loyal
One of the
biggest RBA deposits
you can make is to
be loyal to other people
Not only when they're in your presence but
especially
when they aren't present
When you talk behind people's backs you're only hurting yourself in
two ways:
Six Key Deposits
Be Loyal
First
, you make
withdrawals
from everyone who hears your comments
If I'm talking about someone when they aren't present what do you think I'll be talking about when you aren't present?

Second, when you bad-mouth or gossip you make what Covey calls an
invisible withdrawal
from the person you're attacking
Have you ever sensed that someone has been trashing you behind your back?
If you sweet-talk people to their faces but trash-talk them when their backs are turned don't think they won't feel it
It somehow gets communicated
Six Key Deposits
Be Loyal: Talking About Gossip
Gossiping is a huge problem among teens
Why is gossiping so popular?
If you hold someone's reputation in the palms of your hands it's a
powerful
feeling

For another we gossip because
we're feeling insecure, afraid,
or
threatened
Why gossipers like to pick on people who look different, think different, are self-confident, or stand out in some way
Isn't it kind of silly to think
tearing someone down
somehow
builds you up?
So just what is it that makes a loyal person?
Loyal people keep secrets
If you enjoy being told secrets then keep them secret
Loyal people avoid gossip
Think well of others and give them the benefit of the doubt
Doesn't mean you can't talk about people constructively
Loyal people stick up for others
Next time a group starts gossiping about another person refuse to participate or stand up for that person
Six Key Deposits
Listen
Listening to someone can be one of the single greatest deposits you can make into another's RBA
Why?
Because
most people don't listen
and listening
can heal wounds
People need to be listened to
almost as much as they need food
If you'll take time to feed them, you'll
build
some
fabulous relationships
We'll talk more about listening when we get to
Habit 5
Six Key Deposits
Say You're Sorry
Saying
you're sorry
when you yell, overreact, or make a stupid mistake can
quickly restore
an overdrawn bank account
It takes guts
to go to a friend and say "I was wrong", "I apologize", or "I'm sorry"
Don't let
pride
or a
lack of courage
stand in the way of apologizing to people you've offended
Never as scary

as it seems
and it will make you feel so good afterward
In addition,
apologies disarm people
When people get offended the tendency is to pick up their sword to protect themselves in the future
When you apologize you take away their desire to fight you and they will drop their swords
CLANK!
Seeing as
you will continue to make mistakes
, saying I'm sorry is not a bad habit to get hooked on
Six Key Deposits
Set Clear Expectations
How often have you seen someone get hurt because another person
led them on
?
Our tendency is to want to flatter and please others and as a result we often set
unclear
or
unrealistic
expectations
To please your dad in the moment you might say,
"Sure dad, I can help you fix up the car this weekend."
Realistically, you're booked the entire weekend
In the end, you disappoint your dad
You would have been better off
being realistic up front
To develop
trust

we need to avoid sending
vague
messages or implying something that is
not true
or is
not likely to happen
Whenever you get into a new job, setting, or relationship you are best to
lay all expectations on the table
so that everyone is on the same page
So many
withdrawals
are made because one party
assumes one thing
and the
other assumes something else
Build trust through
telling it like it is
and
laying out clear expectations
right up front
Example p.142
A Personal Challenge
Pick one important relationship
in your life that is
damaged
With a parent, sibling, friend, or other
Commit yourself to rebuilding that relationship
one
deposit
at a time
They might first be suspicious
Be
patient and stick with it
Remember, it may take months to build up what took months to tear down
Little by little,
deposit
by
deposit
, they'll begin to see that you are
genuine
and that you really want to be in their lives
Promise you, it will be worth it
The Other Side, Of Course Is...
"On Their Deathbed, Nobody Has Ever Wished They Had Spent More Time At The Office."

Private victory will help you become independent so you can say "I am responsible for myself and I can create my own destiny."
Public victory will help you become
interdependent
so that you can work cooperatively with others and say:"I am a team player and I have power and influence with people."
Full transcript