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Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys

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Cari Scoppa

on 29 June 2014

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Transcript of Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys

Chapter 1:
Chapter 3:
Chapter 4:
“When masculinity is defined as an achievement, then manhood becomes “a prize to be won or a wrested through struggle” and a “precarious or artificial state,” as David Gilmore notes in Manhood in the Making.
Chapter 2:
The "Differentness" of Boys: When Assets Become Liabilities
Dan Kindlon, Ph.D. and
Michael Thompson, Ph.D.

Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys
Road Not Taken: Turning Boys Away From Their Inner Life
Thorns among Roses: Struggle of Young
Boys in Early Education
Chapter 5:
“When a mother “protects” a son by routinely correcting his father’s style to match her own, she diminishes the opportunity for a genuine and uniquely valuable quality of parenting,” p. 102

Chapter 6:
Dan with Doug's Mom: Balancing Fears and Needs
Chapter 7
Chapter 8 :
Chapter 9:
Chapter 10:
The Culture of Cruelty:
Providing the Male Sexual Script.
Chapter 11:
Chapter 12
Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys
“The researchers theorized that children--
in this case, boys-- who are more easily stressed by emotional responses may prefer to avoid them. In other words, boys who have trouble managing their own emotions may routinely turn out the cues of other people’s upset.”

PAGE 11:
Finding/Learning Empathy

“Gender differences in aggressive behavior can be observed as early as eighteen months and throughout early childhood, and yet testosterone is present in boys and girls in roughly the same amounts before the age of 10.”

Testosterone's Reputation
The Misinterpretation of Aggression
The High Cost of Harsh Discipline
Corporal Punishment
legal in over one-third of the states
“Instead of teaching responsible, moral behavior, when we use harsh discipline, we pass up that
“teachable moment”
--the window of opportunity for helping boys reflect on their actions and learn a better way,” p.62
The Culture of Cruelty
Fathers and Sons
A Legacy of Desire and Distance
Mothers and Sons
Willfull Act
Opportunity to reflect on the emotional dimension of the moment
Inside the Fortress of Solitude
Boys' Struggle with Depression and Suicide
“They want to look
strong and brave
. The difference is, of course, that most boys aren't on a sinking ship. They're just struggling with being young, with having
high expectations of themselves
, with wanting to
please their parents
, and with
not knowing themselves very well
,” (p. 149).
“Today boys are meeting the perennial challenges of adolescence at even younger ages. The biological changes of puberty, which began at about age sixteen in 1850, begin today at about age twelve, or something younger. But there is no evidence that suggests that young people are maturing emotionally any sooner.”
Drinking and Drugs: Filling the Emotional Void
Romancing the Stone: From Heartfelt to Heartless Relations with Girls
“Depending on his neighborhood, school, and ethnic or religious context, every boy has a sexual script that he is taught and that may be with him for life, whether it matches the reality of his circumstances or not," (pg.207-208).
Anger and Violence
“If we are to ever have an effective dialogue about violence, the crux of the problem must be identified and targeted and that, friends, is that we have a nation of boys who do not control their anger. Before anyone cries “male-bashing,” I have an 11-year-old boy and I am concerned about him and the level of escalating violence from the schoolyard of Arkansas and Kentucky to the basketball courts of the so-called professionals….
We must teach boys that to control one’s anger is not to be a sissy but to be a civilized human being.”
What Boys Need
“The only way to make a difference with a boy is to give powerful experiences that speak to his inner life, that speak to his soul and let him know that he is entitled to have the full range of human experience.”
Dan Kindoln, Ph.D. and
Michael Thompson, Ph. D.
Full transcript