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March 2018 Healthy Masculinity Training Institute

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Men Can Stop Rape

on 11 May 2018

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Transcript of March 2018 Healthy Masculinity Training Institute

Men don’t want to look weak in front of other men—they don’t want to lose status or have sexuality questioned.

Non-interveners want to intervene but are usually “in a state of indecision and conflict” about whether to.
Men often take perceived context into account when deciding whether to intervene.

Intervening in a public setting where both men and women are present IS masculine; doing so privately where it is only other men is NOT.
Training Institute
Healthy Masculinity
Healthy Masculinity & the Role of Stories in Adult Learning Theory
Unhealthy Masculinity and Dominant Stories
Healthy Masculinity and Counter Stories
Building Men's Relationship with Healthy Masculinity
Building Healthy Masculinity and Empathy
The End of the Journey and the Beginning
Taking Action: Healthy Masculinity & Becoming the Counter Story
Let's Break the Ice!
What was your favorite toy or game to play as a child?
Introduction to:

Our Goals for this Training
Build awareness of unhealthy and healthy masculinity and their relation with gender-based violence as well as men's physical and emotional well-being;
Explore challenges and solutions to engaging men through healthy masculinity;
Learn how men can be mobilized as allies;
Build skills for speaking with men about healthy masculinity;
Strategize with others about how to involve men;
Learn how to assist men in connecting unhealthy masculinity with various kinds of oppressions.
Learn strategies used in the Healthy Masculinity Action Project to engage men.
Favorite Toys...
Examine how unhealthy and healthy masculinity are taught from a very early age;
And how gender socialization differs among men and between men and women;
Show that unhealthy, violent masculinity does not permanently define men's identities;
Share and build relationships within the group.
Room Agreement
Step up, sit back
Avoid generalizations/Use ‘I’ statements
Cell phones/emergencies
Trauma awareness
Check before you share
Keep interactions friendly
Break Time
Parking Lot
Your name, organization or school, and…
The Process of Environmental Change
A. Notice an event
B. Identify it as a problem
C. Feel motivated and capable of finding a solution
D. Acquire skills for action
E. Act
F. Evaluate & revise
G. Repeat/sustain
With your new buddy share...
And talk about: If you were a high school educator teaching a course about healthy masculinity, what are some of the topics you would include?
What motivated you to attend this training?
Who’s in the Room?
Identify and name stereotypes and assumptions that may exist about both the presenter and the group in the audience.

Acknowledge that stereotypes are just that, and need not define a group’s identity; i.e., a group seen as at risk for perpetration is not necessarily made up of perpetrators.

Develop a bond between presenter and presentees about being stereotyped, only being seen in the negative, and not having positive attributes recognized.

Find the commonality between presenter and group.
Who’s in the Room?
Dominant Stories (DS) and…
Dominant Stories are not Forever…
Who’s the Real Man?
A dominant story as it relates to manhood is a narrative representing the popular values and messages associated with a shared understanding of what it means to be a man. These values and messages can be either healthy or unhealthy.
--adapted from Hilde Nelson’s Damaged Identities, Narrative Repair
Definition of the Dominant
Story of Masculinity
What is the Dominant Story of masculinity?
How do we prove our manhood?
How does the DS affect us?
How does it relate to violence and violence prevention?
Critical Skills and the
Dominant Story
The Dominant Story of Rape Prevention
Thank You So Much!
Final Buddy talk:

-How have you met your goals?

-What is something new you have learned about engaging men that you will likely use in the near future?
When do men intervene?

When do they not?

How does masculinity fit in?
What is the Dominant Story of Men and Bystander Intervention
Male athletes (any age, any sport)
Fraternity members
College students (male only or mixed gender)
Middle/High school students (male only or mixed gender)
Men (and women) in the military
Men’s faith-based group
A group of boys or men predominantly a different race than your own
Men at a local center for immigrants
Students at an expensive, all-boys private high school
Men at a community center in a low-income neighborhood
Perpetrators / boys or men at a local correctional facility
A group of boys or men predominantly a different sexual orientation than your own
Working with Different Audiences
Stay positive
Put trust and relationships at the center
Meet men where they are
Check your own assumptions
It’s okay to wait on the tough issues
Seek leaders
Focus on stories
Strategies for Working With Young Men and Boys
What are some general strategies that serve you best when working with youth?
Developing Strategies for Creating a Healthy Space for Young Men and Boys
In groups…

Discuss and decide where the card goes on the continuum and why, from your personal perspective and from the perspective of the men you work with. Also, come up with two leading questions for each card.
Go out in groups
Take self-defense course
Watch your drink or don't drink at all
Carry a gun, mace
Take money with you on a date
Pay attention to surroundings
Take a dog with you on a walk
Hold keys in hand, keys protruding between knuckles
Look in back seat of car
Share experiences that are different than the dominant stories of people of color and LGBTQ people.
Buddy & Group Check-in
Today’s Agenda!
Toy Exercise
Who's in the Room?
Dominant Stories of Prevention
The Real Man Exercise
Rape and Racism
What’s For Sale?
Continuum Exercise

Homework: What are some of your experiences that deviate or are different from dominant stories of people of color and LGBTQ people?
What can MEN do to prevent the
harmful dominant stories of
masculinity from influencing this work and to be better allies with women?
Counter Stories of Masculinity & This Work
Men socialized not to pay attention to women’s
Men worry about being stereotyped
Men who don’t perpetrate believe VAW is not an
issue for them
Men who care about VAW feel they are the only one
who does
Men are socialized not to collaborate
Men of color and gay/bisexual men may feel
unwelcome if organization/agency does not also look
at racism and homophobia as essential aspects of its
Men step into starring role, then leave
Interest on part of men but no follow-through
DS of Masculinity & this Work
What are some of the barriers related to the dominant story of masculinity you have seen or experienced that make it difficult for men and women to work together on ending violence against women? They can be barriers faced by just men, just women, or both.
Dominant and Counter
Stories of this Work
A counter story is a narrative that
resists the values and expectations
of masculinity’s dominant stories and therefore represents a moral shift.
--Adapted from Hilde Nelson’s Damaged Identities, Narrative Repair
A Counter Story…
The Concept of Counter Stories
Gut Check

Visible Allies and Social Norms

Bystander Intervention Role Play

Action Plan Worksheet and Consulting Corners
Day 3 Evaluation
Final Check-out:

One thing I will take away from this training is...

One thing I appreciated about my buddy is…

One thing I appreciated about the group is…

One thing I will do in the next week to engage men is…
Buddy Graduation and Wrap Up
Buddy Check-In
Design a skit showing the action on your paper with two different endings—two different bystander interventions.

Why did you choose those interventions?

How are the interventions emotionally and socially intelligent?

What are some other ways the person might respond?
Carlson, 2008.
Masculinity and BI
The Counter Story, The Gut Check, and Incorporating Stories
As you prepare to work with this group on men’s violence against women for the first time…

What are the dominant stories that exist about this audience, especially relating to masculinity? What are your assumptions about them?

What are the counter stories or strengths that members of this group might bring to participating in gender-based violence prevention work?

Who could you reach out to learn more about this group?
Working with Different Audiences
Make action easier
Keep masculinity at the forefront
Establish ground rules
Trust the process
Have regular check-ins
Provide incentives
Provide male role models
Get involved in other ways
Know your limitations
Building Awareness of Unhealthy Masculinity and Rape Culture:
The Continuum of Harm to Women and Men
Men rape
Counter Story: Rape as a Men’s Issue
Experts say that the average woman does 189 things a day to prevent being assaulted or raped
Meet up with your buddy

How are you progressing on your goals?

Talk about: What might heterosexual men learn from LGBTQ men about healthy masculinity?

Buddy Check-In
Who is the Strongest Man you
know or knew?

What are the attributes that made
him a Strong Man?

How did he show strength through
his interactions with other people?
The “Strongest Man You Know” Exercise
Ads and commercials use DS of Masculinity to sell products.

Using satire and spoof, create a skit that uses the product to sell DS of masculinity. Make DS of masculinity more overt. What is REALLY being
sold to us?
What’s For Sale?
The potential survivor
The potential perpetrator
The bystander(s)
In every intervention, there are at least three people involved:
Bystander Intervention and...

Education system
What’s For Sale?
The “Gut Check”

The gut as intelligent—and emotionally intelligent

Using the counterstory to engage the brain and the gut
The Gut Check Approach to the Counter Story
The unintentional
Many Kinds of CS…
Unhealthy Masculinity, the Media, & Dominant Stories
What’s For Sale?
…STRENGTH as speaking from the heart
…STRENGTH as a commitment to self, others, & community
…STRENGTH as speaking up for what’s right
Moving beyond just physical strength to include…
The Strength Approach to the Counter story
Vulnerable to violence
Mentally disabled men often seen as dangerous
Seen as Asexual
Seen as pedophiles or perpetrators and often
Seen as victims of sexual violence
Knows how to fix/build things
Can hold liquor
Guns/pickup truck
Historically and currently seen as perpetrators
Corporate/political power
Not seen as perpetrators or have power/ privilege to get away with it
From the streets/violent
Sexually Aggressive
Historically and currently seen as perpetrators
Exploring Unhealthy Aspects of Different Dominant Stories:
The Role of Stories in the Healthy Masculinity Action Project (
To engage more than just our heads
Stories are part of our social glue – a way of learning about and connecting with other people
They present an opportunity to explore meanings together
Stories can change expert/non-expert dynamic
They are conversation-starters because they spark stories in others
Cultural and Social Stories
Dominant stories and the Real Man Exercise
What else sells DS of masculinity?
Upper-Class White Men
African-American men
Working-class men
Physically Disabled Men
Gay men
What are women taught to do on a daily basis to prevent themselves from being raped or sexually assaulted?
What are men taught to do on a daily basis to prevent themselves from being raped or sexually assaulted?
Is there anything wrong with these two lists?

What's the role for men here in preventing rape?
Men Can Stop Rape!
Logistics for Tuesday
Review of Day 1
Day 1 Evaluation
Welcome to Day 2!
Welcome to Day 3!
Who’s the Real Man?
Who’s the Real Man?
Describing Healthy Masculinity
Healthy Masculinity and Counter Stories
Building Men’s Relationship with Healthy Masculinity
Creating a Healthy Space for Healthy Masculinity
Healthy Masculinity, Stories, and Adult Learning
Healthy Masculinity and Empathy through Emotional Intelligence

10 Minute Break!
The intentional
The small/subtle gesture
The large gesture
The action
The spoken
The public
The private
Men are raped
Men know (potential) survivors and (potential) perpetrators
Men are confined by rape
Award-winning middle school through college curriculum
Gives young men and boys ages 11-23 structured and supportive space to build individualized definitions of masculinity that promote healthy relationships.

The Men of Strength Club: Creating a Healthy Space for Healthy Masculinity
Imagine you are sitting by a river...
For those of you who already work to engage men in gender-based violence prevention, what strategies have you used? Which worked? Which did not go as planned?
Describing Healthy Masculinity
The Strongest Man Exercise
Working with Different Audiences
Principles for Engaging Boys & Young Men
Healthy Masculinity, Stories and Adult Learning Theory
Empathy and Emotional Intelligence

Homework question: What do you do for self-care?
Meet up with your buddy

And talk about: What about working with men would be most challenging for you personally? Why?
Buddy Check-In
Homework for Wednesday
Review of Day 2
Day 2 Evaluation
Poster Campaign
Where Do You Stand?
Our Bystander Intervention Stories
Key components:
Clear problem
Clear intervention
Clear resolution
A comprehensive Bystander Intervention (BI) campaign for young men.
Positive Messaging
Identity Building
Action Recommendations
Performable Actions
Healthy Masculinity
Messaging that Identifies Benefits to the Individual
Individual Action as the Counterstory
First a question: Line X is most similar in length to which line, A, B, or C?
Action in Relation to Social Conformity and Social Norms
Solomon Asch Study:

Perceived social norms shape behavior
Large majority of test cases went with social norm of group, rather than what they individually believed
Action and Visible Allies
Asch conducted the study again:

With one visible ally in the room, the large majority of test cases went with what they individually believed
Need for individual men to express what they truly believe
, to be the allies for other men to find strength to speak what they know is true
What Do You Think?
____% of college men “report some level of discomfort when men use terms like ‘bitch’ and ‘slut’ to refer to women.”

What do you think the percentage is?
0% 25% 50% 75% 100%
What Do You Think?
Intervention Scenarios
Bystander Intervention: Doing or saying something to challenge harmful behaviors and attitudes present in situations that might contribute to sexual violence.
Creating a Working Definition - Healthy Masculinity
Different men assumed/expected to be...
Stories and the:
Two -year national collaborative project
Raising the visibility of healthy masculinity
Building next generation of male leaders
Using stories to spark conversation
Summit, town halls, campus conversations, Twitter town halls

1. Get in Super Buddy group and designate a note taker
2. Talk about your own experiences or experiences of people you know that represent healthy masculinity
3. After discussion of experiences, talk about the general characteristics of healthy masculinity represented by the experiences
A Working Description of Healthy Masculinity
recognizing unhealthy aspects of masculinity that are harmful to the self and others
empathizing with the self and others
supporting gender equity and other forms of equity
replacing harmful risky and violent masculine attitudes and behaviors with emotionally intelligent attitudes and behaviors that respect the self and others
learning and using emotional and social skills to constructively challenge unhealthy masculine attitudes and behaviors expressed by others
10 minute break

Please return in an
hour and 15 minutes.
Stories used to start conversations at:
Healthy Masculinity Summit
Healthy Masculinity Town Halls
Healthy Masculinity Campus Conversations
Healthy Masculinity Twitter Town Halls
15 minute break!
What's Your Story?
What does a counter story bystander intervention look like?
What situations does a Strong Man intervene in? How does he intervene? Why?
What would (or did) the Strongest Man in our life do? What kind of situations did he intervene in? How?
How would he want us to respond?
The Counter Story and Bystander Intervention
10 minute break!
recognizing unhealthy aspects of masculinity that are harmful to the self and others
empathizing with the self and others
supporting gender equity and other forms of equity
replacing harmful risky and violent masculine attitudes and behaviors with emotionally intelligent attitudes and behaviors that respect the self and others
learning and using emotional and social skills to constructively challenge unhealthy masculine attitudes and behaviors expressed by others
A Working Definition of
Healthy Masculinity
Rape, Racism, Unhealthy Masculinity, & Dominant Stories
Be back in 1 hr 15 minutes
15 minute break
10 minute break
One hr,
15 minutes
10 minute break
Stories and Empathy
Empathy, Healthy Masculinity, and Emotional Intelligence
How Stories Build Empathy
Stories and Empathy
Stories and Empathy
10 minute break
Write down next steps for you based on this training

Share the results with your group

Groups meet with the trainers to discuss next steps
Primary Prevention:
Put simply, this public health approach is about stopping the violence...
before it starts...
...by replacing the harmful attitudes, assumptions, and behaviors connected
to a "less than" perspective
that is part of...

... with healthy masculinity prosocial norms.
unhealthy masculinity...
Get in your super buddy group & choose an audience
"There isn't anyone you
couldn't love once you've
heard their story."
--Mr. Rogers
Neuroscience study at Princeton:
Woman's brain scanned while telling story
At same time volunteers listen to story while having their brains scanned
Brain patterns were synchronized
Theory out of York University:
Children read narrative fiction and acquire theory-of-mind: that other people have thoughts, beliefs, and desires
Possibly leads to improvement of child’s ability to understand what other people are thinking or feeling.
Process of Building Empathy through Stories

Get with your Buddy and...
1. Practice appreciative inquiry about a person's experiences regarding a particular topic
2. While stories are being told, use active listening skills
3. Give back the stories by mirroring, reflecting, and probing
Continuum of Men and Emotions

0 100
zip emotional range full emotional range
Moving away from men exploring emotions as:

New Age
Mama's Boy


An act of moral and communal
responsibility with profound implications

Empathy, Healthy Masculinity, and Emotional Intelligence
Collaborative for Academic, Social and Emotional Learning (CASEL) identifies the following five SEL core competencies:

Self awareness

Social awareness


Relationship skills

Responsible decision-making

Benefits of emotional intelligence
for boys and men?
Also called Andragogy

Developed in the US by Malcolm Knowles

Creates more equality between
teacher and learner

Places process more at the center

Makes more use of existing experience and knowledge in the room

Creates more opportunity to ask questions, leading to inquiry

Creates more space to collectively build knowledge

Creates the opportunity for learners to assume more ownership over the knowledge
How can adult learning
theory help to make the
personal counter story
easier to tell?

Why Do We Tell Stories?
Qualities of best teachers
you've had?
The concept of steering into the slide
How Rape and Racism are Linked Historically

The dominant story of rape in the history of lynchings
Racism Today?
Black men as portrayed voracious perpetrators of innocent white women...
...which reinforces a cultural obsession with black-on-white stranger rape, at the expense of the vastly more common intra-racial acquaintance rape
Hollywood's interpretation
Steering into the slide even more
What are people of color taught to do on a daily basis to prevent themselves from being victims of racism?

Wear respectable clothing
Don't sag your pants
Speak "proper" English
Have a "normal"-sounding name
Obey police officers
Associate with the right type of people
Have a good education
Don't fit a stereotype
Get a good job

Traditional representation of rape on college campuses
"Less than" perspective
connects rape and racism
Opportunity to connect rather
than divide
Inclusiveness Statement
In keeping with the vision of the Healthy Masculinity Action Project, we are asking everyone here to remember that this movement and this training institute are about respecting the whole person. It’s about valuing emotional, social, and academic learning; developing connections among people with different views; creating a more participatory environment; and recognizing all the expertise and insight in the room. It’s about celebrating all people, regardless of race, color, creed, ethnicity, religion, genders, gender identity or expression, age, sex, sexual orientation, national origin, physical ability, citizen status, veteran status, marital status or HIV status and valuing their story, knowledge, and worth. It’s about a willingness to share complex and conflicting parts of ourselves. It's more about learning than teaching. It’s about defining and creating a new generation of masculine leaders in our communities, while at the same time broadening our own definition of masculinity.

It’s about having healthy conversations. This is a reminder not only to be aware of the health of others but to also practice self-care. Do what you need to care for yourself.

And so we are asking you to try and set aside pre-packaged responses, to be fully present and engaged, to share outside the box, and to value what everyone shares tonight.

Critical Skills and the Counter Story

What is the Counter Story of masculinity?
How does it exist in men's lives?
How does the CS affect us?
How does it relate to violence and violence prevention?
Keep in mind…

Goal is to have participants interact and hear one another. Ask questions.

Your main point will be shared with them at the end in the debrief.

Exercise can follow Rape as a Men's Issue.

Exercise can be serve as lead-in to Gut Check exercise and Bystander Intervention Role Play.
Understanding how systems of Oppression work and the Different levels of Racism:

Internalized Racism
Interpersonal Racism
Systemic Racism (institutional policies and system of power)

Homework From Yesterday
What do you do for self-care?
Without Sanctuary
Birth Of A Nation & The Black Brute
Birth Of A Nation & The Black Brute

Nick's Story
Go out in groups
Take self-defense course
Watch your drink or don't drink at all
Carry a gun, mace
Take money with you on a date
Pay attention to surroundings
Take a dog with you on a walk
Hold keys in hand, keys protruding between knuckles
Look in back seat of car
What are women taught to do on a daily basis to prevent themselves from being raped or sexually assaulted?
Full transcript