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Transcript of Religion
2)Do not steal or lie (unless needed). Only these cases apply and there will be a trial afterward:
- If you are poor like when Aladdin was before he married Princess Jasmine.
- If it is a matter of life or death.
- If you are innocent and need to get yourself out of a sticky situation.
3) Pray daily to each of the Gods or at least four times a week.
4)You must give an animal sacrifice of a horse (Bokshaiyaish's favorite animal) once a month on a night when the moon does not shine (these horses go to heaven). Horse populations are controlled by mating horses so that there is a plentiful amount.
5) Cleanliness is a must (sanitize, deodorize, and moisturize).
6) You must donate 5% of your total wealth to hospitals and institutions.
7) Do not trust anyone, but keep your enemies close.
8) You must be well educated to be able to read and understand the Golden Path.
9) Do not judge others. The crazier the better. Show respect to everyone whether you like them or not. (Vamun was deemed as mental when he had returned back to Jintuish. He was locked up until the Gods approached the commoners in dreams, scolding them and teaching them to be humble. Vamun was released and the people apologized.) UnPeso is the God of wealth and fortune. He requires very little except for a small ritual to be conducted if you were to ask him for money. The one thing that he does not tolerate is cockiness. He resembles the Buddha with large earlobes and coins in his ears. UnPeso is the younger brother of Ceros and the husband of Yolanda.
Origin: UnPeso thrived from the greed in Bokshaiyaish's heart. The general conquered lands and looted all the natural reserves from the land.
Prayer: Light a few incense sticks and set them in a jar. Stack a few pennies on top of the jar. Fall onto your knees and place two pennies in the palms of your hands. Place them flat against each other and begin your prayer.
Animal: Cheetah Origin Power and money were all that Bokshaiyaish knew. He set out on a quest to conquer all the lands that Jintuish had previously lost in the war. As he led his men across the desert to reach the other side, they encountered something rather odd. In the middle of the desert lay a thick, jungle like forest filled with trees, vines, and the musty smell of rotting human corpses. To save time, Bokshaiyaish led his men into the forest as a shortcut. Soon enough, terror began creeping into the minds of the men as they saw horrific scenes of shredded body parts scattered about the forest floor and the lower parts of the human body hanging from the trees. The strong leader felt an eerie presence and commanded his men to turn back. They were stuck and there was no way out. The men created a small camp and over the next few days they ate the remainder of the food that they had brought for the journey. After the food supply ran out, Bokshaiyaish began a hunt to search for food in the forest. UnPeso Y.O.L.O (Yolanda) Yolanda is the Goddess of living life to the fullest. She is a spontaneous being who enjoys fun activities and has a bright personality. She resembles the fearless warrior Mulan. She is the sister of Mushu and the wife of UnPeso. Prayer: You must worship her every Friday night at midnight by streaking around the block or by skinny dipping in the nearest pool. You also have to say this prayer at the site where you will commit your stupidity:
"Thou holy Yoloness I askith forith lifeith after I doith this stupidness. YOLO!" Color: Blue
Animal: Gazelle Centhos Centhos is the Goddess of destruction, she has a fiery temper that can ruin just about anything. She uses fire and lightning as her signature entrance. People fear Centhos and therefore they pray to her to keep her temper at a normal level. She resembles the female version of the God of war. She is also the wife of Mushu and older sister of Carmine. Prayer: You can only pray to her in front of an open fire or during a storm with a lit candle in your hand. Animal: Lion
Color: Red Ceros Prayer: You must go into the forest and take moss from a tree and put it on your face. Then hope that the moss was not poisonous. If the moss was not poisonous it means Ceros has accepted you and you may begin your prayer. However if the moss was poisonous, then Ceros has rejected you. You must leave the forest at once, seek medical help and try again. Animal: Tasmanian Devil
Colors: Blue and Green Ceros is the God of nature. He controls the forests and bodies of water. He allows for crops, fertile soil, and the birth of animals. He resembles a hillbilly farmer. He is the older brother of UnPeso and husband of Carmine. Carmine Carmine is the Goddess of peace, happiness, and success. She will only answer your prayers if she believes that you have a good heart. She does not get along with Centhos (ironically they are sisters). She is married to Ceros and she resembles Ivanka Trump.
Prayer: You must meditate in a silent room by being at peace with yourself and your surroundings. Cross your legs in a pretzel shape, close your eyes, and silently speak your prayer.
Color: Rainbow Origin: Bokshaiyaish was a fearless ruler and he was not afraid to try new things. Yolanda was able to thrive on such energy and rise forth from him. Origin: Centhos thrived from the warrior side of Bokshaiyaish. He would leave the villages he came across in his conquests in pieces. Origin: Bokshaiyaish was originally the son of a farmer and he was fond of his father. Ceros was able to thrive on those memories. Origin: Bokshaiyaish's wife was a loving, warm woman who cared for others. She believed in justice and she had a major influence on Bokshiayaih's life. Carmine was able to thrive on that positive energy. Mushu Mushu is the God of Euthanasia (to commit suicide when you can not bear the pain of life such as an accident or life threatening condition). He rids you of those struggles that are too hard to bear (a disease, aftermath of an accident, pain caused before death). He is the older brother of Yolanda and the husband of Centhos. He resembles the Grim Reaper. Prayer: Lay down on a flat surface and close your eyes. Dedicate your first tear to him by silently calling Mushu's name. He'll be there listening and watching. Origin: Bokshaiyaish used terror as a way to get civilizations to surrender their lands without actually engaging in battle. Mushu developed from his conscience. Animal: Netherland Dwarf Rabbit
Color: Pink Message This religion helps you understand yourself as a person. It helps you to understand that the struggles and triumphs, pleasures and misfortunes you face in life are merely just obstacles that prepare you for your final days in which you are most holy before you die and become apart of one of the six Gods. You can choose whatever God you like that best fits the description of your personality. That's all Folks ! Dogmas cont . . . 10) Do not believe in idle gossip unless you have heard it with your own ears or seen it with your own eyes. Likewise, do not spread gossip.
11) Family comes first. They will be there in the long run so do not abandon them unless they conspire against you.
12) You are not better than anyone and neither is anyone better than you. Every person is equal, regardless of wealth, intelligence, or beauty.
13) Every person following Shak-Kon-Niczh must be married by the age of twenty-five. Gay marriages are allowed. If the person you marry is not of this religion, then after you have married them they will be put through a special ritual to convert them to Shak-Kon-Niczh. You do not want to spend the rest of your life alone. Trust me.
14) Tolerance of other religions is a must.
15) After you have sacrificed the horse and the priest has conducted the prayers, you must wear cloaks and eat horse meat to get closer to the Gods. Do not worry it tastes like chicken and if you are a vegetarian it tastes like mushrooms. Then you must sing songs loudly by the fire.
16) If the Gods appear to you in a dream and give you a task, you are not to tell anyone. Leave when they tell you to and place a flower on your bed or table so as not to worry those who care for you. The Golden Path The Golden Path is the holy text of the religion Shak-Kon-Niczh. It is like the Vedas is to Hinduism or the Holy Qur'an is to Islam. The book itself is large with crisp pages and a golden cover. The Golden Path contains stories about the Gods and how they came to be. The book is similar to a guide for it teaches you how to live in a way where you find peace amongst yourself. It is written in a language similar to hieroglyphics but only those who follow Shak-Kon-Niczh know how to interpret it. The language has been kept secret so outsiders may not ruin or alter it. The Golden Path is kept in the official Shak-Kon-Niczh church in the land of Jintuish, the first land of the religion. Since the return of Vamun many Shak-Kon-Niczh followers have sought out the forest where the Gods were said to dwell. Many who set out for it died on the way or never returned. Since then, followers have had new respect for the hidden forest and have accepted the fact that it is holy and if they are meant to see the forest the Gods will show them the way. Reasons Why YOU Should Join Our Religion!! 1. This religion is a good way to find out who you are by comparing yourself with the Gods.
2. You do not have to make many changes to your daily life to be a part of this religion.
3. This religion is open to everyone and nobody is judged.
4. The initiation process is not hard or demanding.
5. You will not be alone, you are guaranteed a wife or husband by rule of the 14th dogma.
6. The Gods appear to you in dreams after they deem you pure (further proving that this religion is solid).
7. This religion does not lean towards too much hate, nor does it lean towards too much love. It is the perfect balance.
8. Because this religion has respect for other religions and exercises religious tolerance, it is rare that we ever get into any sort of conflict with other nations or people of other religions.
9. You many convert at any time if you have a solid reason as to why this religion does not please you.
10. We are always looking for and are accepting of new followers. :)