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Bullies & Bullying

The bully, the victim and the silent observer

susan dendinger

on 20 September 2012

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Transcript of Bullies & Bullying

The Bully, the Victim & the Silent Observer Pebblecreek Montessori Parent Education Series Bullying Can you name any pf these faces? Do you recognize these people? Seung Hui 1 out of every 3 children will be involved in bullying in some capacity Do you recognize these violent murderers? Charles Manson
1969 brutally ordered the murder of 7 people in Los Angelos April 2009 Virgina Tech shooter, killed 32 people , wounded 25
"Deadliest shooter in history" Eric Harris Dylan Klebold 2007 Columbine Shooter s
killed 12 , wounded 18 "It's payback time.." James Holmes August 2012 Colorado Movie Theater Shooter
Killed 12, wonded 58 What did all these violent criminals have in common? They were victims of years of bullying Profile of a victim: loners
physically unsafe
extremely angry
believe something is wrong with them What is bullying? verbal or physical injury
spreading false rumors
harassing or threatening phone call , emails or text messages
threatening to hurt someones family, pets, friends, or property
stealing or destroying someones property
publicly humiliating someone
insulting gestures
continually annoying someone
intentionally frightening someone
forcing someone into an unwilling act
stalking Myths About Bulling The Price of Bullying we don't have bullies here

teachers have watch more carefully to stop it

bullies are easily identified The New Wave of Bullying Cyberbullying Technology has created a treacherous weapon for the modern bully. Cyberbulling is limitless, had no boundaries, no conscience and no face. Anonymous and hard to track, the bully has free range outside of school jurisdiction. With a few strokes of the keyboard cyberbullys can spread rumors and gossip to thousands. To the Victim:
loss of self esteem
socially unskilled and withdrawn
distrustful of others
vulnerable to future attacks To the bystanders:
"silent witnesses"
guilt ridden
clinically depressed To the Bully:
inability to be a normal relationship
insatiable need to control candidates for mental health intervention candidates for spiritual health intervention "lost souls" extreme lifetime rage helplessness Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Cares about no one; emotionless Loner in later life Crime desensitized no moral compass anxiety disorders Domestic violence
assault & battery
homicide Cost To Society
court /legal
loss manpower
bullies will continue to bully
identified by age 8 are six times more likely to commit a crime by age 24
have a much higher rate of substance abuse
bullies are more likely to be unemployed
higher rate of suicide
higher rate of personality disorders Stats About Bullies "Bullicide" term used to classify suicides directly resulting from bullying A child's entire social and emotional security is destroyed over a long period of time. Sadly, in many cases, the circumstances of the "bullicide" do not come to light until a child takes his life. Signs of a bullied child extremely hungry after school
rush to bathroom
fear of school
soiled or missing clothing
destroyed belongings
a pattern of not bring friends home
stealing money or valuables Charles Manson
Jeffrey Dalmer American serial killer and sex offender.
Dahmer murdered 17 men and boys between
1978 and 1991, with the majority of the murders
occurring between 1987 and 1991. avoiding computer
physical complaints (headaches, stomach pains, nausea)
unexplained injuries
inability to focus
drop in academic performance
loss of appetite
insecure difficulty speaking (anxiety)
always want to stay with teachers (safety net) Girls vs. Boy Bullies Girls tend to be much more covert "mean girls" whereas boys are overt. Girls operate much more secretly (non-violent) while boys act out violently. Girls bullying does not get as much attention in the news, but it is equally predominant. Stages of bullying 1. "trolling": bully searches fro vulnerable victim

2. "campaign phase": bully escalates boundaries to test the waters and see response

3. establishes "bully-victim" relationship: victim see no way out

4. stage is set for the bullying to begin The code of silence commonly used in criminal organizations like the mafia. "Omerta " "Omerta" is what keeps the bullies from being stopped. Bullying is not inherent; it is a learned behavior. They learn to bully by watching adults, other children, television and video games. Home Life of a Bully lack of strong parental figures
domestic violence
alcohol or drug usage
unacknowledged learning differences
untreated learning differences
death or incarceration of one or both parents
feeling of being unwanted, unloved , disregarded
non-attentive parents
lack of boundaries for parents and children Bully targets physically weak children
children with "body anxiety"; afraid of getting hurt
children who are cautious, sensitive, quiet & passive
children who are not athletic (esp boys)
children who have difficulty speaking up in a group
children who relate better to adults
children who have annoying habits/mannerisms
physically unattractive Bully Interdependence Victim Bystander "Omerta" Breaking Omerta
ackmowldge teh problem Breaking Omerta empower children to become "bully proof"
validate their feelings
teach them to problem solve
stress the importance of body language
teach avoidance
encourage your child to seek help from a trusted adult
get involved in your child's school
teach and model respect
anger is healthy, violence is NOT
don't ignore your child's concerns -ever!
spend time with them
get to know their friends and their friend's parents
drive your child to and from school
do not promise to keep the bullying a secret
"We teach people how to treat us" What if my child is the bully?
impose discipline NOT punishment
children must fix what they break; do not do it for them or make excuses
guide your child in pro-social actions
Forgive them and ask them to ask forgiveness
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