KS2 Literacy - Show, Don't Tell

Sitting at her desk, her jaw tightened. Her eyes flashed heat waves at me. The words erupted from her pursed lips, "I want to talk to you after class." The final hiss in her voice warned me about her feelings.

Take a look at this sentence:

The girl entered the building. Inside the lobby, she saw a statue.

Can you give examples to show the following?

The writer hasn't give us any description.

What does the girl look like?

Your turn:

What is the building like?

What is the statue like?

To make writing more interesting, we can add description.

The teacher was angry.

Think about:

Furrowed brow

Now, how about this version?:

Tightened jaw

Come up with five actions that demonstrate anger.

The beautiful girl stepped into the extraordinary building. There, she saw a wonderful statue.

Flashing

eyes

Show

Body Language

Is this any better?

The writer still hasn't give us any description.

How do you know when someone is angry?

Subjective words such as beautiful, extraordinary or wonderful tell the reader absolutely nothing (other than the writer's opinion).

Let's try again, using objective descriptors:

Hissing speech

Nobody likes being told what to think.

Persuade the reader to agree by showing why the girl is beautiful, or why the building is extraordinary.

Pursed

lips

The dainty redhead stepped inside the towering, glass-plated mansion. An enormous bronze statue of a galloping stallion was the first thing that caught her eye.

Specific details help to create a vivid picture in the mind of the reader.

'Girl' has been replaced by 'redhead'.

'Building' has been replaced by 'mansion'.

The more specific, the better.

Choose your words carefully.

(Don't Tell!)

What if I were to tell you...

...I am the:

However...

What if you saw me (with your own eyes):

sweetest

kindest

helping an old lady cross the road?

rescuing a cat that was stuck up a tree?

making a generous donation to charity?

smartest

most honest

Would you be more likely to believe me?

person you could ever meet...

Your turn:

...would you believe me?

Activity:

Can you elaborate on the following descriptions?

• Come up with five examples to support your opinion and persuade the reader.

The girls were excited.

• Choose the best three.

Giggles and screams filled the arena.

The soft curls were now damp with perspiration and the anticipation of the event.

They held tight to each other in a mock effort to contain themselves.

Arms flailed upward, and voices echoed in varying tones. The moment was here.

The sunset was beautiful.

The fireworks were spectacular.

The man was nervous.

Learning Objectives:

The pizza was delicious.

We are learning to:

Steam rising up off the melted cheese made my mouth water.

The cat was lazy.

• improve our narrative writing

The car was old and worn-out.

The first bite, my teeth sinking into the cheese through the tomato sauce and into the moist crust, made me chew and swallow rapidly.

Even the cheese and tomato sauce, sticking to my fingertips, begged to be licked.

• use specific examples to show (rather than tell)

Plenary:

Share your ideas with the class.

Evaluate one another's ideas using

two stars and a wish.