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Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

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Erin Whitman

on 30 October 2013

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Transcript of Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
"Although the tongue weighs very little, few people are able to hold it."
Levels of Listening
Benefits of Empathic Listening
Builds trust and respect
Enables release of emotions
Reduces tension
Encourages the surfacing of information
Creates safe environment for collaborative problem solving
1. Ignoring
Making no effort to listen.
Not listening
Lowest level
2. Pretending
"Yeah. Uh huh. Right."
Appropriate body language.
Repeating person's last sentence
5. Empathic Listening
Highest form of listening
No position
Listening with intent to understand
3. Selective Listening
Hearing only certain parts
"Oh, I agree."
Often understanding, but on a superficial level
4. Attentive Listening
Giving full attention and full energy on words being said.
Still focused on yourself
10 Steps to Becoming an Empathic Listener
1: Practice saying "Take your time, I'm listening" and really mean it.
3: Be available and receptive emotionally as well as through body language.
10: Be sensitive to the speaker's language.
2: Set aside your own agenda.
4: Try to appreciate the other person's point of view.
5: Listen without being in a hurry to take over.
6: Try to imagine yourself in the other's place; feel what the speaker feels.
7: Help draw out thought and feelings by asking questions.
8: Have the speaker elaborate for further understanding.
9: Say "Let me make sure I understand" and then restate the issue.
-Students will learn the skills needed to develop effective listening.

-Students will gain knowledge needed to become an empathic listener.

-Students will differentiate between listening types.

4 Basic Stages of Empathic Listening
Mimic Content
Rephrase Content
Reflect Feeling
Rephrase and Reflect
Steve:"This project is really getting the best of me. I don't know if I'm going to get it done before my son's birthday."
4 BAD Responses
1. Evaluate
2. Probe
3. Advise
4. Interpret
Lillian:"Oh, this is getting the best of you and you might not get it done."
Lillian:"It sounds like you have some deadlines you are trying to meet."
Lillian:"It seems like you are worried about some deadlines you are trying to meet."
Lillian:"Steve you seem a little worried."
Erin Whitman
Callie Setzer
Tyishia McDuffie

Chess clock conversation [Video]. (2012). Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=sr1uS8KZbto
Covey, F. (2009, October 26). Empathic listening tips. Retrieved from http://www.franklincovey.com/blog/empathic-listening-tips.html
Empathic listening [Video]. (2010). Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch ?v=mxl8WCcI2TI&list =PLIOPDkfRc2TeqCXMken7p4jtA6uU_767h
Salem, R. (2003, July). Empathic listening. Retrieved from http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/empathic-listening
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