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Copy of Care and Feeding of INFJs

Inspired by the excellent "In the Brain of an INFJ," and the freakishly accurate depiction of the type at PersonalityJunkie.com.

Bijin Gotera

on 23 October 2014

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Transcript of Copy of Care and Feeding of INFJs

So they work to cultivate "good feelings".

INFJs become attuned from a young age to looking out for other people's relationships and morale.
An INFJ feels happiest and most fulfilled when they're helping other people understand themselves and their problems.
Understanding INFJs
(in 10 minutes or less)
They're usually pretty good at it, too.
See, INFJs see two people in everyone.
The public persona,
the outer shell that everyone else sees...
But they also have a deeper sense or impression of people,
penetrating appearances and reading hidden motives and intentions.
Rightly or not, INFJs often feel they can see people more clearly than those people can see themselves.
Don't let that word 'introvert' fool you:
INFJs love to engage with people!
spending time with their friends
listening to music
watching movies
telling stories
More than anything, they love spending time
engrossed in meaningful conversation.
(They're usually happy to talk about their feelings, perspectives, and intuitions, too.
If you get them started, they may talk for hours.)

In fact, INFJs can be people pleasers.

Because they so effectively (and unconsciously) read, understand, and relate to others,
the unhappiness of someone around them has a direct and immediate effect of them.
They may seem cheerful in large groups.
(INFJs often have a good sense of humour and can be funny and engaging.
They also tend to be good storytellers, with vivid imaginations and a knack for metaphor.
They can even be fairly intense, exaggerated, a certain "melodrama in their verbiage")
When they're really on their game,
it's not unknown for the INFJ to be mistaken for an extravert...
But don't be fooled.
The INFJ is introverted, and a crowd is not their natural habitat.
wow what a turn of phrase
With their closest confidants,
the INFJ tends to be more open and direct.
This may come off as moodiness, pessimism,
or a certain restlessness or discontent.
This is because the INFJ, left to their own devices, will readily neglect their own emotional needs.
They're genuinely warm, welcoming, loving, self-giving...
But they need time by themselves to recharge those proverbial batteries.
INFJs are far less serious inwardly
than they may sometimes appear outwardly.
Their internal lives
are playful, imaginative,
colorful, mischievous,
and daring.
They love playing with ideas,
perspectives, theories, images,
symbols, and metaphors.
They naturally see general
conections and patterns.
In fact, they experience everything as an interconnected whole.
For the INFJ, discovering truth involves getting a better handle on the nature of this connectedness by discerning
universal laws and patterns.
The INFJ has an intimate relationship
with the workings of their subconscious.
For them, routine existence often assumes a sort of dreamlike quality.
(They have less of a distinction between being awake and asleep,
making it difficult sometimes to separate dreams from reality.)
INFJs also tend to think by way of
images rather than words.
INFJs are more skilled than most at accurately discerning what is happening in a given situation.
They can easily envision how things will unfold if they continue along their current course.
But they tend to form an impression or theory of what is happening. They see the big picture.
(Not always the details.)
INFJs have a harder time perceiving and understanding their own emotions on their own.
They often turn to others for aid and support in emotionally taxing circumstances.
Begging the question...
What does an INFJ expect out of their conversational partner
in a situation like this?
Emotional support.
The INFJ in your life is usually
not looking for you to solve their problems.
They want empathy.
They want reassurance.
Be vocal. Touch. Show them you care.
Someone to talk to.
INFJs may not fully understand the nature of an insight
until they've had the opportunity to talk it through out loud.
For this reason, talking to a stressed INFJ
may be more monologue than dialogue.
Let them process.
INFJs hold a lot inside.
And not just their burdens.
By nature, they want to take on everbody else's.
But regardless of whether or not they find a solution, an INFJ will feel better once they've talked about their problems and expressed their feelings.
Let them cry.
So what do they need?

Listen, and love.
What is the most
important thing to know about INFJs?
They are always in conflict.
With themselves.
They feel guilty about needing to recharge.
They have trouble balancing their own needs
with those of others, heavily favouring the latter.
Some INFJs will agree to things instinctively to oblige others,
even while inwardly they regret doing so.
And they have a crippling tendency to self-doubt.
They may distrust their intuition, even when they know they're right.
They have a thirst for sensory novelty and material comforts...
often develop refined and sophisticated tastes...
love the fine things that money can buy, and the experiences...
But they feel guilty about their worldliness.

They downplay the importance of "things" in their lives and tell themselves
they aren't supposed to be concerned about physical matters,
but metaphysical ones.
The INFJ will struggle with decisions between the material and the spiritual.
(Say, between a job that's spiritually satisfying and one more capable of materially providing for their lifestyle.)
The issue of quality is extremely important to INFJs.
They tend to have strong convctions about truth,
and can become attached to the "perfect materialization" of their ideals.
INFJs are usually perfectionists.
They may be driven to see their ideals perfectly translated into reality.
And they may sacrifice everything - even their own health or sanity - to ensure their vision finds a perfect incarnation.
The INFJ will always be much harder on themselves than on anyone else.
They are more than willing to forgive the offenses and shortcomings of others. If an INFJ loves you, they will never give up on you.
(But since they see themselves as "knowing better,"
they may fail to grant themselves the same degree of grace.)
“From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."
In conclusion, INFJs are "old souls."
They genuinely love people,
but they need time on their own.
They have stunning intuition and insights.
(Which they're sometimes afraid to rely on.)
They live in a perpetual, dreamlike state.
(So much so that they may forget to eat
or stumble on flat ground.)
INFJs can be complex.
But don't let them fool you.
They will always put themselves last.
Put them first.
There's one simple rule to dealing with your INFJ...
Full transcript