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Train Wreck!

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Karly Moore

on 6 April 2015

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Transcript of Train Wreck!

Train Wreck!
The Pile up - The biggest problem
Resilience - Adapting
Will you get back on "track"?
To Stress or Not to Stress
A train is an integrated system that works together for one purpose. It's healthy for systems to evolve and change over time, even if that means being thrown from the track. We can use our physical, cognitive, and emotional responses to stressful events in a way that fosters change and growth within ourselves and our families.
Imagine for a moment...
You and your family represent a train. Chugging along down a strictly defined path, minding your own business, when all of a sudden some unexpected accident throws you from the tracks. Your boxcars are dissembled, your mind is jumbled, the track is destroyed, and you don't know how it happened. Can you think of a circumstance in your life that made you feel like that? Dissembled, destroyed, or jumbled? Let's compare each component to YOU!
Levers and Buttons
Just like coping skills
Control the outcomes of the train
Used to effectively manage the activity
Making fine adjustments to change our outcomes
Drives us to change
Train Engine =
Our brains!
Our Brain Believes Anything We Tell It!
Driving force that tells our body how to react and what to think.
Even if it is not true...
The Love and Appreciation we express that connects us to our family members
Must be connected for strength and pull to occur
Railway Coupling
Physiological responses that propel us forward into action.

Makes you more sensitive to possible dangers
Programmed for reaction
Linked together for one destination
Whole is greater than the sum of its parts
If one pulls, the others move
Family as a whole.

Train Tracks
Resources to keep us on the track
Family Councils
Family Ties
Extended Family
Positive Feedback
Coping Skills
Positive Mindfulness
Things as they are
Accepting. Natural. Nonjudgemental.
Changing our perceptions of the event and drawing positive conclusions helps us prepare for future "train wrecks."
Train Wreck
Event that snowballs into a pile up of stressors, causing us to apply new resources and create new perceptions
Takes more than one helping hand to get the train back on the tracks
...But Struggles Make Us Stronger!
Bouncing Back
Not becoming distorted
after a wreck
Being Optimistic
Being Hopeful
If you believe, you can acheive!
Bonadaption - choosing to move forward even though you "wrecked".
Choosing to avoid the track and never moving forward.
New struggles call for new resources. If our current resources fail us, we must utilize new ones!
That's where coping comes in!
Coping is the intersection between existing resources and drawing new ones
"I know I can...
I know I can...
I know I can...
I know I can..."
How will you manage your next "train wreck"?
Family Cohesion
Emotional closeness and bonding in families determines the level of resilience you can have.
Your brain can only recognize what is constant with your emotions
Negative thoughts = No room for change
Being strongly linked to each other involves...
Disregarding personal preference
Making adjustments
Train Whistle
The engine, wheels, tracks, and boxcars can tell when there is a problem. The alarm is sounded and we choose whether to respond positively.....
Linked to Physiological Responses and our perceptions of danger
Train Conductor
That's you!
You decide how everything is handled
You control what goes in and out of the train
Coordinator of "internal" operations
Molding to fit
Not merely "hanging in there"
EFFECTIVE SKILLS that drive us to act and change
Family Resilience
Previously assembled family patterns create a strong foundation for dealing with a crisis.
Just Keep Swimming!
{Bending, but not breaking}
Which way will you go?
Being worse off than you were before the crisis struck
Our body responses protect & prepare us.
They are natural & helpful, not harmful.
If something ahead is harmful on the tracks, we will respond
Cognitive Distortions
Patterns of response that dictate how we react.
Reality Vs. False Reality
I'm stupid...
There is no hope...
I'll never recover...
Jumping to Conclusions...
...Discounting the Positive
All or nothing...
I know they are thinking "this"...
I feel like...
... Mind Reading
Coping is not merely suffering or "hanging in there."
Coping is
management that drives us to change.
Coping means:
Becoming one
Applying pressure to create strength
Fitting completely
Making fine adjustments to the change in normal pattern
Your Role is based on...
Family Boundaries
Family Rules
Subsystem Relationships
Families Create Their Own...
Resilience Factors
Coping Skills
Resource Awareness
Strength in Numbers!
Sharing the same paradigm
Determines the outcomes of our difficulties
Helps us view problems as shared and opportunistic
Cohesiveness Determines Family Boundaries
Diffuse Boundaries ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' '
Clear Boundaries - - - - -
Rigid Boundaries ______________
Clear Boundaries = Most Healthy
Provides for the most flexibility, communication, and openness
Family Councils
Allows God to influence our decisions
Brings us to new ideas and resources
Lets each member feel loved and appreciated
Builds family resilience
Allows for closeness through refreshments
Koo's Definition of Trouble:
"Situations outside the normal pattern of life - situations which create a sharpened insecurity or which blocks the usual patterns of action and call for new ones..."
Pile-Up can lead to...
Requires change, suffering, pain, looking beyond what you see and understand, and an experience affecting the family as a WHOLE.
"Refiner's Fire"
Suffering takes a person to the borders of the sense of identity, of life and its purpose, toward metaphysical realms of meaning, and often to a personal sense of the sacred.
What makes a Crucible valuable?
Suffering takes on a new purpose when seen as an opportunity
Moves us from Individual to Family thinking
Prepares us for the future
Temporal to Spiritual perspective
Isolation ---> Connection
End Result = NEW PRODUCT
Other Resilience Tools

Mutual trust
Adaption is based on level of vulnerability.
Also, what family typology is used to govern the change that occurs.
Family Typology:
Patterns of family functioning that buffer against dysfunction
Is your family...
Long Term Outcome
That alters our family "schema"
How we see things globally and cognitively
Our overall appraisal and perception of the experience
The "lens" to which we see everything and base all decisions off of
Dealing with Stress is more difficult for some families.
Koo's Truncated Roller Coaster Model
Families have a wide range of responses after a crisis depending on adjustment, leadership roles, leadership difficulties, age of children, and change in family roles
Lack of Resources
Different Reactions
Emotions of anger resentmetbitterness
Things as they really are
Looking beyond what you see
A state where we aren't driven by our emotions, nor do we cut them off
Seeing Things Through a Spiritual Lens
Full transcript