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Nicola Steunenberg

on 20 October 2014

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Transcript of Self-esteem

What is self-esteem?
Positive versus
Negative self-esteem
Positive self-esteem
Non-blaming behaviour
Awareness of personal strengths
Acceptance of mistakes
Outward signs of positive self-esteem
Negative Self-Esteem
Outward signs of a negative self-esteem
Negative view of life
Perfectionist attitude
Blaming behaviour
Fear of taking risks
Feel unloved and unlovable
How self-esteem is built
Practicing strengths, talents or skills

How self-esteem is damaged
Underestimating your capabilities
Impact of low self-esteem
Hands up
We tend to listen to the critic because he comes from inside us
The Critic Gang
What does your critic sometimes say to you?
Disarming the Critic
Remind yourself of the illusion of the critic
Making an Accurate
self assessment
There is nothing wrong with having faults.
These should not be used to attack yourself.
Use accurate language
Use language that is specific
Find exceptions or corresponding strengths

We are guided by the beliefs and values that
we hold and these come from our experiences

It is our beliefs and values that generate
“shoulds” that we each try to live up to

We can easily be overwhelmed by "shoulds”

We grow up with public figures that appear to
be perfect

Perfectionism is the quickest way to thinking
that you are “not good enough”
"No one is perfect...that's why pencils have erasers"
- Author unknown
Negative opinions of others can be deadly to your self esteem

Impacts on your opinion of yourself

It is important to realise that we each
“screen” reality in our own way

What others say does not reflect
“reality” but rather their perception

No criticism can be taken at face value

An inner critic that makes illogical leaps: "He's frowning. He didn't say anything, but I know it means that he doesn't like me!"

What the critic says
Unfairly harsh inner critic: "People said they liked my speech, but it was nowhere near as good as it should have been. I can't believe no-one noticed all the places I messed up."
An inner voice that is catastrophic: "He turned me down for a date! I'm so embarrassed and humiliated. No one likes or cares about me. I'll never find a boyfriend. I'll always be alone."
An inner voice that generalises unrealistically: "I failed the test. I don't understand anything in this class. I'm such an idiot. I shouldn't be taking this subject."
Talk back to your critic!
You can do this in several ways: Get cross with the critic, think “Stop it!” or “No more put downs”
Ask yourself the price of believing these criticisms
Affirm your worth to counter the critic
Can be used to stop negative self-talk and increase self-esteem

Affirmations are encouraging messages we can give ourselves

They can be used to counter negative messages with positive ones

Begin each day by looking in the mirror and giving yourself a positive message
I am my own unique self special, creative and wonderful
My life is a joy filled with
love, fun and friendship
When I believe in myself,
so do others
When I give out love,
it is returned to me multiplied
Presented by Nicola Steunenberg
"Comparison is the thief of joy"
- Theodore Roosevelt
Practicing self-compassion
Activity Time
Healthy versus Unhealthy Values
Give yourself three compliments every day
Just like criticisms, compliments reflect another’s perception of you
Creates anxiety, stress, loneliness

Increased likelihood of depression
or developing an eating disorder

Difficulties with friendships and romantic relationships

Impairs academic and job performance

Leads to increased vulnerability to peer pressure, drug and alcohol abuse

Meet the critic gang...
The victim
The imposter
The rebel
What you can do
Hold your head up high

The Rebel
Acts like the opinions or goodwill
of others does not matter

Lives with anger about not feeling good enough

Continuously needs to prove that others' judgments and criticisms don't hurt

Leads to excessive blaming, breaking rules or opposing authority
The Victim
Can lead to being unassertive and underachieving
Acts helpless and waits for someone to
come to the rescue
Uses self-pity or indifference as a shield
Looks to others for guidance
Acts happy and successful, but is really terrified of failure

Needs continuous successes to maintain the mask of positive self-esteem

Leads to problems with perfectionism,
procrastination, competition and burn-out
It's your self-esteem
Cooperative attitude
Trusting others
Good self-care
The ability to say no
Letting others make decisions
Fear of being ridiculed
Mistrusting others
If this morning you spent more than one minute looking in the mirror

If you want to change at least one aspect of
your physical appearance

If you have ever been on a crash diet

If you know a friend who has a body issue

If you believe every woman has something
beautiful about her
The Oscar winning actress, Angeline Jolie seems to have it all, with a successful career and Brad Pitt by her side.

But she has said

“I struggle with low self-esteem all the time.
I think everyone does. I have so much
wrong with me, it’s unbelievable.”
(March 2008)

Why might she feel this way?
Self-esteem and Media
Diet industry
Plastic surgery
Can you
make this pose?

Where’s the rest
of her arm?

Spot the difference
How do you think they feel being altered?
Promise card
You can't touch it, but it affects how you feel.

You can't see it, but it might be there when you look at yourself in the mirror.

You can't hear it, but it is there when you talk or think
about yourself.

It is an essential human need
It arises automatically from a person's beliefs and consciousness
It is how we value ourselves
How we perceive our value to the world
How valuable we think we are to others
Impacts on nearly every aspect of our lives
Orbach, S., & Etcoff, N. (2012). Dove: Self-Concept. Harvard University. Retrieved October 12, 2014 from http://www.dove.co.uk/en/docs/pdf/Workshop_stimulus_for%20pupils_11_14_90mins_Nov_2012.pdf
Cherry, K. (2014). About Education: Self-esteem. Retrieved October 12, 2014 from
Counseling and Mental Health Center (CMHC). (2013). Self-Esteem. Austen: University of Texas. Retrieved October 12, 2014 from
New, M. (2012). The story of self-esteem. Kids Health. Retrieved October, 12, 2014 from http://kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/emotion/self_esteem.html
RMIT Counselling Service. (2009). Developing Self Confidence, Self Esteem and Resilience. RMIT University. Retrieved October 12, 2014 from www.rmit.ed.au
my goals for you

To realise your value

Instil the importance of believing in yourself

To learn to say no to negative thinking

To accept you are not perfect, nobody is,
but to love yourself unconditionally

Feel secure in the woman you are becoming
Companies benefit from making us
think our bodies are imperfect
The critic blames you when things go wrong
Compares you to others
Sets impossible standards of perfection
It reminds you of all your failures, seldom your successes
The critic is born to help you tell the difference between good and bad, but can steal any good feelings you have
He is the enemy of good self esteem
Comparing yourself to others
Negative role models
The media
Negative self-talk / criticism
Put downs, especially from significant others
Unrealistic expectations
Frequent failures
Relationship breakdowns
Poor health
Having a good role model
Praise and compliments
Keeping criticism to a minimum
Setting and achieving goals
Positive self-talk
Physical activity
Forgiving past mistakes
Accept who you are and your qualities
Ask for support
Talk to someone about how you feeling
Redesign your life
Department of Labor. Retrieved October 13, 2014 from
“People always ask me, ‘You have so much confidence. Where did that come from?’

It came from me. One day I decided that I was beautiful, and so I carried out my life as if I was a beautiful girl … It doesn’t have anything to do with how the world perceives you. What matters is what you see. Your body is your temple, it’s your home, and you must decorate it.”

- Gabourey Sidibe
What is it?
These guidelines can help
What is beauty?
Are they flexible?

Have you decided on these values
for yourself?

Are they realistic?

Are they life enhancing?
Apply the following criteria:
James, R. (2011). Cultural beauty: what do you find beautiful. Retrieved October 12, 2014 from http://culturalbeauty.wordpress.com/
Treating yourself with the same empathy you would show others
Recognise you are human
Understand why you might make mistakes
Forgive your flaws rather than judging yourself
Be mindful of your emotions
Activity Time
McLeod, S. (2012). Simply Psychology: Low self-esteem. Retrieved October, 13, 2014 from http://www.simplypsychology.org/self-esteem.html
D'Arcy, L. (2012). Teens Health: How can I improve my self-esteem? The Nemours Foundation. Retrieved October, 13, 2014 from http://teenshealth.org/teen/your_mind/emotions/self_esteem.html#
We see ads everywhere with a
one dimensional view of beauty
Make lists
Often accept criticisms and rejecting compliments
Compliments are important to help us build our
own perception of strengths
All humans need praise, recognition and acceptance
Full transcript