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Revision vs. Editing Part 2: How to Handle All That Feedback

COMM 333 Screenwriting
by

Prof Johnson

on 29 November 2017

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Transcript of Revision vs. Editing Part 2: How to Handle All That Feedback

Today's Objectives
Reminders/Announcements & Potluck Sign-up

Themes (review) & Thesis Statements

Revision vs. Editing
REVIEW
What is a Theme?

Revising vs. Editing
What does it mean to "revise"?
Reminders/Announcements
Revision vs. Editing Part 2:
How to Handle All That Feedback

What does it mean to "edit"?
Which should come first?
5 Common Errors in Grammar & Mechanics
Please spend the rest of class time working on your Original Script.

Focus on your theme,
THESIS/LOGLINE, revisions, and editing.

Need help? Come see me.

Remember: The feedback you receive is subjective. Use what you want and ignore the rest!
A theme IS...
A central IDEA that recurs in or pervades a story
Primal / Universal -- can connect with others on a large scale
A statement that presents the writer's argument and overall message to the audience
Ex. If you want to teach children that "friendship" (subject) is important, pair a clown fish and an absent minded blue tang to SHOW kids that
you can overcome fears and insecurities with the help of others
(theme).
Monday, December 4
No Class

Wednesday, December 6
3:00 - 5:00 p.m.
Potluck & Raising Arizona
Digital Portfolio is Due
Potluck Sign-up
MyBLC > Bookmarks

Type in what you plan to bring; also indicate your food allergy (if you have one).
Your theme is your opinion or argument (Snyder). If you believe that a person "can overcome fears and insecurities with the help of friends" your story must serve to PROVE it.

And here's why...
your
opinion / argument
not everyone will agree with you
QUICK!
List some other "
subjects
" that lead to themes - throw out some abstract nouns!
"I do NOT believe that you can overcome fears and insecurities with the help friends. I believe that friendship is a waste of time and hinders personal success."
You must prove your argument with your subjective truth. That is the PURPOSE of your story.

In other words, your script is an argumentative essay in STORY form.
repeat: this is why
you must "prove" it
story
argumentative
essay
As such, think of your story like this (humor me):
Opening Scenes
Opening Image (hook)
Compelling Hero
Clear Intention & Initial Obstacle
Theme Stated

Action = Show How the Theme Is "Truth"

Return w/the Elixir
Essay Introduction
Opening Statement (hook)
Clear topic
Obstacles/Opp. of Topic
Clear Intention of Essay (thesis statement)

Body Paragraphs = Tell How the Thesis Is "Truth"

Conclusion
Subject
: Friendship

Theme
: You can overcome fears and insecurities with the help of friends.

Thesis:
In order to rescue his son from captors, a clown fish obsessed with control must leave the safety of his reef and
rely upon friends to help him overcome the unknown
lurking within the Pacific Ocean.
A closer look
In order
to

rescue
his son from captors,

a clown fish obsessed with control

must leave the safety of his reef and

rely upon friends to help him overcome the unknown


lurking within the Pacific Ocean.
genre = adventure story
irony, compelling character
more obstacles
intention
topic = friendship
initial obstacle
theme stated
Hey! It's a killer logline!
quick note
Monday's Prezi and today's Prezi is "text heavy" in case you want to go back and read through the frames at a later time.
review
Topic: Collaboration

Theme: You can only achieve your dream when you collaborate with others.

Thesis: In order to achieve his dream of becoming a world renowned chef, a lofty rat must learn to trust and work alongside his greatest enemy: humans.
A closer look
genre = drama
irony, compelling hero & Initial obstacle
more obstacles
intention
topic = collaboration
theme stated
Hey! It's another killer logline!
In order to achieve his dream

of becoming a world renowned chef,

a lofty rat

must learn to work alongside and trust

his greatest enemy: humans.
your turn!
Please write (or revise) a "thesis statement" (aka logline) for your Original Screenplay.

Volunteers, please write on the board.
It's vs. Its
It's = It is / It has
It's cold outside.
It IS cold outside.

It's been a cold week.
It HAS been a cold week.

Its = Its (possesive pronoun)

The cat is loving its supper.

The baby in its mother's womb.

Their / they're / there
THEIR car broke down.

Now THEY'RE stranded.

They are over THERE.
I dislike Thanksgiving; (it's / its) my least favorite "holiday."

Look at the dog chase (it's / its) tail!

The MN Vikings need (it's / its) quarterback to stay focused.

(It's / Its) been rainy outside.
It's or its?
(Their / They're / There) going to a play called
Women of Troy
in the YFAC.

They plan to sit over (their / they're / there).

I noticed that some of the actors were crying while they recited (their / they're / there) lines.

If they don't stop, (their / they're / there) going to make me cry too!

I'm glad I went (their / they're / there) to see the play.
Their, They're, or there?
noun / pronoun agreement
Singular nouns require singular pronouns; plural nouns require plural pronouns.
If a horse runs too long, they will overheat.

All of the girls went to her individual rooms at midnight.

Cable cars use up a lot of electricity when it's in operation.

I heard the horn when the customer parked their car.
Noun / Pronoun Agreement
boys = them, their, they're
Jim = him, his
Janie = her, hers
it
their
they're / they are
her
That kind of thing!
action = present tense verbs
INCORRECT
The camel was tired from running.

CORRECT
The camel is tired from running.

INCORRECT
Three girls crossed the lake in a makeshift boat.

CORRECT
Three girls cross the lake in a makeshift boat.
action = action
What's wrong with this passage?

INT. LAKE HOUSE - NIGHT
KAREN (67) sits alone doing bills. A loon cries in the background and she pauses and looks up from her checkbook. The loon's cry reminds her of the child she lost when she was in her twenties. She puts down the pen she is holding, scoots away from the table, and goes to the window to gaze out across the dark lake. There is nothing there.
fix those verbs!
The clown's fangs grew large and the boys ran home.

There were birds in the sky when the children rode into town on their scooters.

BOB (65) and JOANNE (64) argued about their grandchildren.

The students stooped over their scripts in search of past-tense verbs.
review
they are
How do we fix it?
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