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Healthy Relationships

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Jackie Brinkerhoff

on 16 June 2014

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Transcript of Healthy Relationships

Healthy Relationships
What is a Healthy Relationship?
Team work
Healthy Relationships...

take time, care, and energy to build and maintain
are fun and make you feel good about yourself
can teach you about yourself and help you improve your own character
What type of relationships do you have in your life?
Parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins
Best friends, friends outside of school, classmates
Boyfriend or Girlfriend
Colleagues, supervisors, clients
Family Relationships
How can you start this conversation if you don't talk with your parents often?
How can I show respect during this conversation?
Sometimes parents don't realize that their babies are growing into young adults. As you grow up, your relationship with your parents may change. It may improve, or become strained. Facing those changes with maturity will help improve your relationship with your parents. Recognize why changes occur and how you can make the most of them.
Why changes occur:
Your parents are used to making a lot of choices for you, like when to go out, who to see, and making food and other purchases for you.

Now that you're older, you can make a lot of those decisions on your own.
How to face the changes positively:
In order for parents to give up their close supervision, they need to see you can make your own decisions maturely. This is your chance to prove yourself. Try to show your parents that you're worthy of their trust by being responsible. Don't be afraid to seek your parent's guidance if you need to.
Why changes occur:
Parents might still think of you as a child. They might not understand they can have an adult conversation with you.
How to face changes positively:
Talk to your parents about what interests you. Ask them questions. They'll learn that you're forming your own opinions and will become interested in your future plans. Consider telling parents how you feel about how they treat you, and how you want to be able to talk with them.
Why changes occur:
A parent's role is to protect their child. It takes a couple of decades for the brain to fully develop...because of that, adult guidance is still important, even as you become more independent. Parents still want to protect you.
How to face changes positively:
Understand that your parents love you. Try not to act childish about gaining more freedom. Prove that you're responsible enough to deserve it. Also understand that your parents have seen more than you. They see dangers that you may not. While it's good to adjust family rules together as you get older, try to see their point of view and listen when they make decisions for your safety.
Additional Tips:
What if you don't have a healthy relationship with your parents?
Sometimes parents don't communicate well. Nobody is perfect. Try not to blame them. Instead, try to start a conversation and show them you want to have a relationship with them.
Extended Family:
Do you recognize any of these struggles? What other issues do you face with your parents?
Building Self-Esteem and Confidence
self esteem
avoiding self-harm/dangerous behaviors and actions
valuing yourself
knowing and keeping your values/standards
not settling for less
make goals and understand how reaching or not reaching them would change your life (i.e. how your life would change with a baby and without a spouse - as a teen)
being the type of person you would
want to be with
Spend time alone (without Facebook, music, or technology), find out what your hobbies are and what you're passionate about and pursue those things!
You can't have a healthy relationship with another person unless you have a healthy relationship with yourself first!
What does it mean to have a healthy relationship with yourself?

How can you have one?
It's hard for someone to love us if we don't love ourselves: Learn to love yourself and accept what you have to offer in a relationship. You shouldn't expect someone else to make you happy if you're not already happy with yourself. Remember, we are all each individuals. You should have your own likes, dislikes, and personalities. Differences are okay! Loving yourself is essential to your own happiness, and will result in a happier, healthier relationship.
Teen Relationships: As a teen, you are still learning about yourself, your talents, goals and desires, and developing your own identity. Because being an individual is important for a healthy relationship, it may not be healthy to start a serious relationship as a teen - especially if you feel you haven't developed your own personal identity. But don't worry, you have a lot of time to discover your identity and get involved in relationships as you get older.
Developing Self-Esteem:
Building Self-Confidence:
-Participate in activities you enjoy
-Work on a hobby, or learn about
new things you're interested in
-Try new things and be
surprised by your abilities
-Develop your talents
Building Healthy Relationships With Others:

-A good friend that really cares
-People that share your interests
and talents
-Caring adults and family
Building Self-Acceptance:
-What are your 3 greatest strengths?
-What are your top 3 personal values?
What does a healthy relationship look like to you?
Managing Conflict
All people have disagreements, even best friends, spouses, co-workers. It's normal, but there are constructive ways to resolve conflicts and bring people closer together.
How would not knowing how to manage conflict affect your life?
Dating Relationships?
Let's discuss some ways to positively manage conflict
Everyone feels anger, it just depends on what you do with it

Try to understand exactly what is bothering you or the other person

Learn how to negotiate and compromise

Learn to not fear conflict, but use it as a tool for understanding and improvement.

Never bring in topics or insults that only cause hurt. NEVER physically hurt or fight your partner.

Find a time/place where both parties can think clearly and feel comfortable talking openly.

Listen, try to understand the other party, and let them know you're hearing them by repeating what they've told you.

Take time to cool off and recollect your thoughts if you need to.

Make sure to follow through with changes you realize you need to make to yourself.
Now Let's Practice!
(Role play Situations Activity)
Role Play 1

Role Play 2

Role Play 3

Role Play 4
How do you feel about your siblings? Are they your friends? Do you annoy each other?
Your siblings can become your best friends. Think about all you have in common! You will be able to support each other now and in the future as you work on building a healthy relationship with them.
Make time to spend with your family, especially your siblings. You might grow apart from your friends, but you'll always have your family. Try not to lose that bond.
If you're not close with your siblings, consider doing things for them to show that you care about them.
Your extended family can also be a great support to you! Show your love for your family in different ways.
Remember your extended family's birthdays, and help them celebrate.
Listen to stories from your grandparents about their past. They will have some amazing stories to share, and you can preserve your history by passing it on.
Spend time with your family and share with them what's going on in your life.
Dating can be a fun, exciting, and emotional experience. It can also be a negative experience for young teens. Let's talk about the role of dating in your life and future.
Dating can be fun!
It's nice to feel like you're close to someone and have a connection with them.

Dating gives you someone to have fun with!

Everyone likes someone to care about and look out for, and everybody likes to feel cared for.
Dating between the ages of 14-17 shouldn't be too serious.

Dating gives you an opportunity to meet new people, learn about yourself, and find out what type of people you get along with and like to spend your time with.

If dating becomes an emotional roller coaster, it's not healthy.

If you find you're dating someone be careful to not get too serious with them. This is a time to get to know people so don't feel like you owe them anything! Especially when it comes to intimate relationships. You shouldn't need to consider physical intimacy until you've dated for a long time, and you're both mature enough to make a commitment to each other. With all the changes you'll experience after you graduate high school, it's best to wait until you're older and can decide what you want for your future!

Remember your 1, 5, and 10 year goals!
So let's review... What makes a relationship healthy?
Team work......and Trust!
If these things aren't there, it's not a healthy relationship!
These qualities take time to develop personally, let alone between two people in a relationship. The healthiest relationships are among two people that have already developed these qualities in themselves.
You may notice things that don't seem right in your or a friend's relationship. These are "red flags" and should be considered seriously when deciding whether or not to continue in the relationship or friendship .
Unhealthy Relationships
Unhealthy Relationships
differences in communication
disrespectful or inconsiderate
little trust or honesty
pressure to participate in intimate activities
not thinking of the consequences of their actions, or not considering the other person's emotions
you may feel constantly sad, angry, anxious, or worried
Warning Signs
Other Dangers in
Dating and Relationships
How to Get Out of an Unhealthy or Dangerous Relationship
Where can I get more help if I or someone I know is in a dangerous relationship?
Calmly talk to the other person about how you are feeling
Keep in mind that you can't change another person. If they haven't developed what is needed for a healthy relationship, you can't fix them or the relationship. They have to do it themselves. If nothing changes, end it.

Consider ending the relationship or friendship. This will be hard, but may be the best or safest option.

Ask a trusted adult for advice about how to make your relationship healthier or how to improve your communication.

Create rules with the other person to help you work on your relationship and establish personal space. Remember to respect yourself and your partner, and make sure they respect you too.

Look at yourself. Are you causing the problems? Consider what you can change. Consider asking the other person what you are doing that may hurt them.
If you're scared, or if the relationship has turned violent or manipulative, it's not your fault! And know that you are not alone! There are people and resources that want to help. Talk to a trusted adult, school counselor, a friend who can help, or use a helpful hotline (like the Love Is Respect organization) for assistance.

Also know that the victim can get a free protective or restraining order. This keeps the abuser away from the victim.

If the abuse is happening to someone else, help get them to safety and report the abuse. Don't be afraid of what people will say, their safety and health are much more important.
Remember, when you have a disagreement with a friend or boyfriend/girlfriend:
You have the right to say "no"
Just because you disagree doesn't mean you have an unhealthy relationship
The relationships you develop (no matter how long you stay in them) will teach you a lot about yourself
It all comes down to honesty and respect!
Managing Conflict
Every relationship has some type of conflict.

A little conflict doesn't mean you need to end it.

We'll talk about managing it a little later.
What is addiction and why is it bad/dangerous?

How can it be avoided?

How can addiction lead to unhealthy relationships and difficult consequences?

How can addiction be stopped?
A Healthy Relationship with Yourself Requires...

How do your friends
affect you?
Do you see a lot of peer pressure in your school?
Do you know how to resist peer pressure?
Build confidence and self-esteem
Make and know your limits and expectations for yourself, respect them
Remember all decisions have consequences
Find a good group of friends
Plan activities beforehand
Talk to your parents or a trusted adult about what you see at school and how you feel about it
An abusive relationship might be hard to recognize from the outside, but sometimes we can pick up on red flags. These include:
extremely jealous
wants the relationship to move quickly
physically harms
isolates you from friends/family
sudden mood swings
blames others
pressures for intimacy
angry outbursts
past history of violence
hurts animals
checks private emails or texts messages
scares you
Date Rape

Internet Safety

& Sexting

video games
Triangle Activity
Peer Pressure Scenarios/
Role Plays
What else can be important when dating?
Let's find out....
Trust Activity
The Story Activity or Alternate
Get to know your parents

Ask questions about their youth

Listen to their stories

Tell you parents about your day

Ask your parents about their day!
Part of love is respect. How can I respect myself? How do I show it?
How can I show respect for my friends? How do I choose friends that respect me?
How do you show respect in a relationship? Why is it important to respect your boyfriend or girlfriend, and feel respected when you're dating?
Types of Abuse
Love Is Respect offers:
online "livechat" support at http://www.loveisrespect.org/get-help/contact-us/chat-with-us
texting support (text "loveis" to 77054)
24/7 support call-line (1-866-331-9474)

You can ask questions and get free support and counseling from all these resources. For quick access to local police and resource numbers, look in the front cover of the phone book.
Love Is Respect Resources
Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-787-SAFE (7233)
Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
Suicide: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
Self-Injury: 1-800-DONT-CUT (366-8288)

Battered Women and Children Shelter: www.cwcic.org
Other Resources:
Professional Relationships
Professional Relationships are different from personal relationships, but you can still use the qualities of a healthy relationship to make these relationships positive and successful
How do the healthy relationship qualities apply to professional relationships among colleagues, clients, supervisors, etc?
Everyone needs some relationships in their life to provide support, companionship, and someone to love.

Remember, all relationships are different, and none are perfect.

It's up to you to build qualities in yourself that can add to a healthy relationship.
The PREP/¡Adelante! (Moving Forward) Program at Centro Hispano is Supported in
part by the U.S. Department of Health
and Human Services, Administration
on Children, Youth and Families, and
administered by the Utah Department
of Health, Division of Family Health
and Preparedness, Maternal and Infant
Health Program
if you have an innapropriate picture of a teen on your phone, you can be charged with child pornography charges
Never post inappropriate pictures of yourself or give our personal info on the internet. You never know where it could end up!
Try not to go to parties alone, and don't take drinks from strangers, or even acquaintances. Bring a friend of the same sex and make sure they leave with you!
Pornography addictions can make it harder for you to have a healthy relationship. They switch healthy loving emotions for lustful.
Full transcript