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Courtship and Dating

Courtship and Dating practicum for Studies of Family and Individuals in Society.
by

wendy sun

on 15 April 2011

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Transcript of Courtship and Dating

What is Dating?
Dating is the modern term that we commonly use to express the affairs of two people who are together. - When an individual wishes to “date” another individual, it is common for them to ask things like “wanna go out?”, “will you go out with me?”, and or sometimes “wanna see a movie”, or generally a phrase that seeks the company of the other individual in an activity they can both be involved in. Some common, corny, classical pick-up lines individuals use to impress their significant other:

"Hey am I dreaming? You cannot be real"

"Do you have a picture? Could you please give it to me so that I can confirm Santa Claus what I want for Christmas this year!"

"Are you carrying a map? Because, I have just lost my heart in those eyes".

"There are a lot to say… but it's your eyes which are not letting me to say one bit"

" O my God you are so adorable when you blush"

"I think of you with every sunrise and I dream of you every night"

"hey please do not stop I have never seen beauty in motion "

"Are you the angel? Am I in heaven?"

"I can't dance but will love to hold you when you dance" The alternative of dating is courtship. Dating started out in the 19th century and the actual meaning of dating is to be in an intimate relationship with someone without plans for marriage yet or never. Courtship is like dating except couples are in a relationship with plans for marriage to further intimacy and future goals in life like raising a child, cohabiting, etc. Dating was generally seen as something young people nowadays like to do out of peer pressure, for pleasure, or the feeling of just being with someone. Courtship has been around for centuries and is generally described as a “Godly” way of being in a relationship between two lovers. The History of Dating/ Courtship Today dating is very different than it was in our grandparent’s time. For the generation before our parents, people went to drive-ins, and had convertibles. Now, there are questions about dating, who should pay, how long you should wait to call back and who’s going to be the host of the relationship.
At the beginning of the 19th century women were assessed on what they wore, their dancing and if they were a good host of a ball.
Men would have to win over the woman with small tokens of affection, and would ask for their hand in marriage on one knee.
Older women and married sisters would host week long parties in the country.
If a man and woman liked each other they could safely go on a walk and be assured that they have privacy.
Within courting there was appropriate one on one dating which played a more important role, so that two people got to know each other better as well as their personalities and interest. The word ‘date’ was used for lower class slang, and meant to book an appointment with a prostitute.
By the 20th century ‘dating’ was used to describe lower and middle class men and women going out in public to dances, parties and other meeting places.
Dating was simple during this period of time, women were considered to be slaves. All that mattered were your baby making abilities.
There was not a lot of dating back then, it depended on the class. The more lordly classes started to replace courtship with dating in the 18th century.
Dinner banquets then started to evolve and the Europeans started to have big beautiful gardens and clean homes, then started dancing and teas.
In the 1940’s, when describing the pre-war dating system some argued that dating was a “competitive game”, for men and women to demonstrate their popularity.
The way that you could tell if a man was popular is by the way their dressed, if they had a car, and how much money they had.
The way that you could tell if a woman was popular depended on their reputation.
Those that could date had disposable income, and the time to go out with someone.
Dating was a way for younger people to coexist with their peers, and to go out in groups of people to have fun, while still developing their personalities.
Dating offered young woman “suitors”, they would usually have a different one every weekend.
If things started to go well with one person, then they would continue on to have a relationship, and ‘go steady’; this meant that they were exclusive with each other.
If a couple would spend a lot of time together, it was known that they would probably end up marrying The New Rules... Bachelors were encouraged and maybe harassed to marry as quickly as they could.
Courtship was becoming less-parent directed and more a simple necessity of interdependence that depended on the economic status of their husbands to support a wife and family.
Parents started to focus on their daughters wedding in order for her to bear children. Since parents wanted to wed their daughters quickly, the length of courtship was decreasing.
By the end of the 19th century women started to be employed in Europe.
In Europe they started to do courtship again, but it became more about someone you wanted to marry so that they would be happy. Today, the first date is called ‘going out’; which is when a young man asks a young woman out.
Back then the men would usually pay for the bill but, now it is called going ‘Dutch’ and each pay their own way for the meal.
The couple knows that they like each other in an affectionate way. > They will hold hands and hug, but kissing is not until later on. > If they like each enough they will continue to ‘date’, but if not they will most likely break up. Terms... Blind Dating: when two people have never met before and have been set up a mutual friend or dating service
Long Distance Dating: when a couple continues to ‘see’ each other even though there is a large distance between them
Go Dutch: when a man and a woman each pay their own way, or split the cost of the bill
Online Dating: where people met by using a matchmaking website to meet and talk, and they might agree to go on a date in person
Speed Dating: when large groups of people gather to talk for a limited amount of time, then speak to someone else
Virtual Dating: where two people meet on a website to play games and use avatars to represent them. As they play and talk, they get to know each other and may eventually meet in real life. Customs
In Ethiopia, dating is only seen as joyous when parties, movies, and recreational activities are involved. Marriage becomes something of lesser excitement. Marriage could occur by: arranged marriage, when well-respected elders are sent to the girl's family on behalf of the boy's family; courtship or dating after a friendly meeting between boy and girl such as at a market place or holiday where there's dancing; abduction, such as during a blood feud between families; inheritance.
In Australia, young people say it’s fine to ask people on a date through texting but it is wrong to break up this way. In Mid-Eastern countries, arranged marriages are more common.
Traditional Omiai’s are held in Japan or XiangQin’s in China in order for men or women to find their partners.
In China, Internet dating has become very common and social sites like QQ have dating agencies that charge people up to 100-200 yuan per introduction. Foreign men seem to be more attracted to native Chinese women while Chinese men seem to be more attracted to foreign women, although it varies depending on the community. There’s also an unofficial holiday called ‘Single’s Day’ on November 11 for desperate parents who want their children to find a partner quickly. There’s also a Government-sponsored agency called Shanghai Women's Activities Centre that organizes periodic matchmaking events, which are often popular to parents. In India, the majority of marriages are arranged by parents or a family member. 9 out of every 10 marriages are arranged. Sometimes the couples don’t meet until the wedding day. The interests of the family are seen as more important than romantic needs. Dating behind the parents’ backs and planned get-togethers have became more common nowadays and when this develops into matrimony, it is often called a love marriage. Dating runs against some religious traditions and a Hindu group threatened to force marriage on unwed couples who are caught dating on Valentine’s Day, which made protesting women send loads of pink panties to the offices of the religious leaders. Parents post matrimonial ads online for their sons and daughters.
In the Middle East, sex before marriage is considered to be illicit. In Egypt, for a period of time women bought artificial virginity kits in order to fool their husbands after matrimony, which was banned later on. In other countries such as Iran, women are told to wear concealing clothing that symbolized a restriction towards dating. Internet dating sites have became available over modern times Technology During the 1960s and the 1970s and especially the 20th century, computers have became a very popular device for matchmaking.
A declining rate of dating site users are available in The U.S. From 21% of total internet users in 2003 to 10% in 2006.
Based on a 2005 survey of 3,215 adults, Conducted by Pew Research) estimated more than 3 million Americans, who dated through online dating sites, ended up in a long-term relationship and a successful marriage.
Another research suggests that single individuals use 18% their time online for romantic purposes.
Attraction We don’t know how humans are attracted to one another for sure, no certain rules of attraction we can observe.
Sometimes we can see it more clearly like the preferences for supermodel features in both men and women or for evolutionary purposes.
We don’t exactly know what motivates us towards attraction.
Biologist Randy Thornhill of The University of New Mexico conducts a research to find the rules of physical attraction in humans.
Women seem to be more attracted to men with symmetrical appearances. It is believed that men who contain symmetrical features will help bring up a symmetrical baby and reduce the chances of mutations. The human body develops by neatly splitting cells and the symmetry is somewhat like an indication of cells splitting perfectly.
Body shape of women seems to be critical for attraction. Psychologist Devendra Singh of the University of Texas studies waist to hip ratio and found out that women with a waist to hip ratio of 0.7 (waist significantly smaller than hips) are most desired by men. This waist ratio indicates that women would have the right amount of energy to care for an offspring. If a woman produces the right amount of estrogen, their ratio would fall right into the ratio of 0.7-1.18.
The structure of a person’s face may give an insight to fertility. Estrogen makes a woman’s chin and lower face significantly smaller. Testosterone makes men develop a larger lower face.
A research found that women are attracted to the scents of men through certain times in a month. “Borrowing sweaty undershirts from a variety of men, Thornhill offered the shirts to the noses of women, asking for their impressions of the scents. Hands down, the women found the scent of a symmetrical man to be more attractive and desirable, especially if the woman was menstruating.”(“The Rules…”, p.6) Dangers There’s often a risk of violence or date rape since at the beginning of dating, people don’t really know each other too well.
According to one report, there was a 10% chance of violence between students that are dating and is often called “intimate partner violence”. Over a period of 1 year, it was estimated that 20% of U.S. high school girls approximately 14-18 have been slapped, shoved, or forced into sexual activity.
Intimate violence isn’t culture restricted. In Kyrgyzstan and Turkmenistan, bride kidnapping was a common procedure for men to be wed was to capture a woman from another family by force in order to be wed.
In parts of India, Pakistan, or other countries located in the India subcontinent, bride burning is practiced. If the woman is no longer desired, the man or his family could douse her in flammable liquid then set her on fire.
In parts of Africa, when a family is to be punished, a virgin female is to be brought forward as a sex slave to a family, which the family has offended. In some parts of Africa when a man needed to wed, they could claim a woman by forced intercourse. Most of the time, the family could not reject because the woman would have gotten pregnant from the deed.
Fin.
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