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London plenary 2016

Lndon conference July 2016
by

Bruce Smyth

on 21 July 2016

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Transcript of London plenary 2016

'Loving hate'?
The high-conflict shared-time family
Knowledge gap:

Shared-time: select group – cooperative, high functioning

But ~40% high-conflict / fear or parallel parenting

How make shared-time 'work' – practically, emotionally, financially?
Central argument

'High-conflict' oversimplifies nature of destructive family dynamics

'Pathological hatred' reflect key relationship dynamic for some

Conflict and hatred differ: hate needs to be recognized, named and worked with

'Pathological hate'
core features

Core driver: might something deeper, darker, more fundamental & pervasive occurring for some?

Demby: "concept of 'parental conflict' ... rarely conveys the motivational complexity of chronic parental acrimony.... concept of pathological hatred better describes and explains entrenched parenting disputes".

'Hate' - ugly word; understudied
#6. all-consuming: "you took so much time plotting revenge you lost sight of everything that matters"
'HAte-work': 'black hole of injury and vengeance'
Hurt-people HURT people
hatred: response to being hurt or ignored
project internal conflict outwards
'loving hate' - seek to destroy but desperately need
substitute for love - 'hostile dependency'
reunion behaviour = connection & proximity

What's 'high-conflict'?

No consensus! But agreement small service-intensive grp (10%=90%)

Lack of definitional clarity = confusion: early identification? case mgmt?

Birnbaum & Bala: need "more refined, explicit analytical concepts for the identification and differentiation of various types of high conflict cases"
Common features of high-conflict (prev 10-25%)

Continuous legal fights = fat file (can't agree on anything!)

‘Verbal and physical aggression, overt hostility, and distrust’

Inability to communicate

Children drawn in and used in the conflict
#4. willing to incur personal costs in the harming of the other
#2. Global negative evaluation
#5. long-term attitude not healed by time
#9. In its attempts to terrorize, humiliate & destroy, hatred can be serious and dangerous
#1. a thing of the heart:
A Passion
#8. double-edged!
rational: self-serving
irrational: self-destructive
('hate punishes itself')
High conflict ‘couple’? 1 person driving conflict?

'High conflict personality'?
Rigid cognitive style – b&w, can't process new info
Egocentricity – lack empathy; can't see oth perspectv
Defensiveness – chronically blame
Inability to self-regulate emotions
Breathtaking inability to self-observe (and change)
#3. thought disorder – of perception: misattribution of motive
#7. can be passed on through a 'Culture of hatred'
working with parental hatred?
No single or simple intervention
How disturb orbit?
engage with less Rational & darker side?
hate: Epi ARGUMENT - new leads and insights?
from 'hate-work' to 'hope-work'?
2002-03
2003-04
2004-05
2005-06
2006-07
2007-08
2008-09
2009-10
2010-11
2011-12
10%
20%
30%
40%
50%
60%
70%
80%
90%
100%
2012-13
9
11
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14
16
16
19
16
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16
Full transcript