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London plenary 2016
Transcript of London plenary 2016
The high-conflict shared-time family
Shared-time: select group – cooperative, high functioning
But ~40% high-conflict / fear or parallel parenting
How make shared-time 'work' – practically, emotionally, financially?
'High-conflict' oversimplifies nature of destructive family dynamics
'Pathological hatred' reflect key relationship dynamic for some
Conflict and hatred differ: hate needs to be recognized, named and worked with
Core driver: might something deeper, darker, more fundamental & pervasive occurring for some?
Demby: "concept of 'parental conflict' ... rarely conveys the motivational complexity of chronic parental acrimony.... concept of pathological hatred better describes and explains entrenched parenting disputes".
'Hate' - ugly word; understudied
#6. all-consuming: "you took so much time plotting revenge you lost sight of everything that matters"
'HAte-work': 'black hole of injury and vengeance'
Hurt-people HURT people
hatred: response to being hurt or ignored
project internal conflict outwards
'loving hate' - seek to destroy but desperately need
substitute for love - 'hostile dependency'
reunion behaviour = connection & proximity
No consensus! But agreement small service-intensive grp (10%=90%)
Lack of definitional clarity = confusion: early identification? case mgmt?
Birnbaum & Bala: need "more refined, explicit analytical concepts for the identification and differentiation of various types of high conflict cases"
Common features of high-conflict (prev 10-25%)
Continuous legal fights = fat file (can't agree on anything!)
‘Verbal and physical aggression, overt hostility, and distrust’
Inability to communicate
Children drawn in and used in the conflict
#4. willing to incur personal costs in the harming of the other
#2. Global negative evaluation
#5. long-term attitude not healed by time
#9. In its attempts to terrorize, humiliate & destroy, hatred can be serious and dangerous
#1. a thing of the heart:
('hate punishes itself')
High conflict ‘couple’? 1 person driving conflict?
'High conflict personality'?
Rigid cognitive style – b&w, can't process new info
Egocentricity – lack empathy; can't see oth perspectv
Defensiveness – chronically blame
Inability to self-regulate emotions
Breathtaking inability to self-observe (and change)
#3. thought disorder – of perception: misattribution of motive
#7. can be passed on through a 'Culture of hatred'
working with parental hatred?
No single or simple intervention
How disturb orbit?
engage with less Rational & darker side?
hate: Epi ARGUMENT - new leads and insights?
from 'hate-work' to 'hope-work'?