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Healthy Relationships

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by

Courtney Cottrell

on 22 August 2013

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Transcript of Healthy Relationships

Healthy Relationships
...building them in your life
Let's talk about relationships...
communication and sharing
respect and trust
honesty
equality
personal space
work as a team
Healthy Relationships
differences in communication
disrespectful or inconsiderate
little trust or honesty
self-entitlement
pressure to participate in intimate activities
not thinking of consequences of actions, or the other person's emotions
you may feel sad, angry, anxious, or worried
Unhealthy Relationships
hurtful communication
no respect
no trust
accusations
physical and verbal abuse
denies abuse
control
isolation
force
Abusive Relationships
ONE IS TOO MANY
RED FLAGS
threats of violence
past history of violence
physically hurts you
extreme jealousy or insecurity
isolates you from friends and family
controlling
TYPES OF ABUSE
Emotional
Stalking
Financial
Physical
Sexual
Digital
Verbal
checks your texts and emails without permission
pressures you for intimacy
forcefully "playful"
humiliates you or others
scares you
blames others
wants a serious relationship very quickly
sudden mood swings
angry outbursts
Each year, 1.5 million high schoolers in the US are physical abused by someone they're dating
You are not alone...
Remember that a relationship can still be abusive, even if physical abuse is not involved. There are different types of abuse... NONE of them are okay.
http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/power-and-control-wheel
1/3 of US teens are victims of physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse from someone they're dating
10% of high school students have been hit, slapped, or hurt by a boy or girlfriend
25% of high school girls have been physically or sexually abused
Girls and young women (16-24 years old) experience the highest rate of partner violence (triple the national average)
Violent behavior usually starts between ages 12-18
72% of 8th and 9th graders are dating
1/3 of women will experience some form of sexual violence during their lives
Approx. 1 in 8 women will be raped in Utah... less than 10% are reported to the police
86% of victims were assaulted before their 18th birthday
Rape is the only category of violent crime in Utah whose rate exceeds the national average
What can abuse lead to?
Abusive relationships put victims at higher risk for depression, anxiety, drug use, eating disorders, risky sexual behaviors, domestic violence, pregnancy, STIs, suicide, post-traumatic stress disorder
Why would someone stay in an abusive relationship?
It Goes Both Ways
think abuse is normal
fear of being "outed"
embarrassment
low self-esteem
love
social/peer pressure
Why not tell an adult?
puppy-love phenomena
distrust of police
language barrier / immigration status
show caring and affection without having sex or pressuring someone to do something they aren't comfortable with
be supportive, not judgmental
listen
understand that it isn't easy to be abused
let them know they have options
contact the police
try to leave the relationship
use free counseling and support hotlines to get help and learn conflict management skills
Apps Against Abuse
cultural reasons
pregnancy/parenting
fear
lack of
money
no where to go
disability
Both girls and boys can be abused by a dating partner and both girls and boys can be abusers.
80% of girls who have been physically abused continue to date their abuser
During the past year, almost 10% of students reported being hit, slapped, or physically hurt on purpose by their boyfriend or girlfriend.

Dating violence was more common among black (12.2%) and Hispanic (11.4%) students than white (7.6%) students.
DATE RAPE DRUGS
INTERNET SAFETY
100,000 children & teens are lured into prostitution / pornography each year in the US

Don't ever go off with strangers, even if they promise food, shelter, love, a ride, or any sort of help

Inappropriate pictures and sexting are NOT okay...avoid pornography and sexting at any cost

Looking at, reading, and listening to pornographic material is very harmful. It is unrealistic, and decreases your ability to stay connected and committed to your significant other. It decreases your feelings about sexuality, and may lead to serious sexual crime.

Never give out information or pictures to strangers online. Be wary of people that seem too interested in your personal life.

FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS!
Date rape drugs are usually dissolved into a person's drink or food. They make the victim feel sedated, hypnotized, confused, and like they have amnesia.

Date rape drugs let a person abuse, steal from, sexually assault, or rape the victim without resistance.

These drugs are colorless, tasteless, and odorless...they might as well be invisible!

Be careful with food and drinks that could be spiked with these dangerous drugs! Never leave your drink alone or let anyone else hold it. Go to, and leave parties with a group of friends so that everyone can look out for each other.
How Can I Help and What Can I Do?
Hotlines and Help
Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-787-SAFE (7233)
Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
Suicide: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
Self-Injury: 1-800-DONT-CUT (366-8288)
Online resources: http://loveisrespect.org
Battered Women and Children Shelter: www.cwcic.org
Healthy relationships are fun and make you feel good about yourself!
Maintaining healthy relationships takes time, energy, and care.
All relationships can teach you important lessons about who you are and what you want in future relationships
What makes a relationship
healthy?
Healthy Relationships
I feel good about myself when I'm with this person
There is an equal amount of "give and take"
I feel safe around this person
I can trust this person with personal information or secrets
I like to spend time with this person
How can I change an unhealthy relationship?
Calmly talk to the other person about how you are feeling
Consider ending the relationship or friendship
Ask a trusted adult for advice about how to make your relationship healthier or how to improve your communication
Create rules with the other person to help you work on your relationship and establish personal space
Remember, when you have a disagreement with a friend or boyfriend/girlfriend:
You have the right to say "no"
Just because you disagree doesn't mean you have an unhealthy relationship
The relationships you develop will teach you a lot about yourself
It all comes down to honesty and respect!
Teen Dating
-It is usually smart for teens to start dating at around age 16+. Don't date seriously until age 18+
-You should date someone because you CARE about them, not because you feel pressured.
-Dating is MORE than a physical relationship - it's an opportunity to get close to someone, develop a friendship, and have fun together.
-Talk to your parents about their expectations
and establish your own VALUES and LIMITS
before starting to date. Talk with your boyfriend or girlfriend about them and don't let someone pressure you into changing your values and goals.
-Let your friends and family know WHO you're dating
-AVOID dating someone that's much older than you
What is love anyway? How does it feel?
(wanting to kiss someone vs. caring for their welfare)
Do I just want to spend time with my boyfriend/girlfriend, or do I care if they do well on a test, if they are getting along with their parents, etc.

Build your relationship on RESPECT, HONESTY, TRUST, COMMUNICATION, KINDNESS, and give each other personal SPACE
Tips for Starting a Healthy Relationship:
Tell your parents where you'll be and when you expect to be back, keep a phone with you and check in if you're going to stay late
Get to know the person before going out with them
Start with group dates, go to a public place
Plan fun, inexpensive activities
Be CLEAR with the other person about your expectations, values, curfew, what you feel comfortable with, etc.
Healthy Relationships at Home
"Why do my parents put limits on me?"

"I'm almost an adult...why do they keep trying to monitor or decide everything I do?"

"What do they know? They don't understand what it means to be a teen in my school."
As your relationship with your parents changes, you may feel confused or trapped. Instead of fighting, you can avoid and handle arguments, by:
Establishing rules together, ahead of time.
Ask parents what they expect and share your desires.
Staying calm - communicate with your parents like an adult. Show that you deserve responsibility.
Following the rules - respect them and follow the rules...if parents can trust you, they'll give you more freedom.
Spending time with your family - show them that they're important too
Stages of Dating
1
2
3
4
5
Having a Healthy Relationship With Yourself
self esteem
avoiding self-harm/dangerous behaviors and actions
loving yourself
setting goals
keeping your values/standards
knowing what you're worth and not settling for less
how your life would change with a baby/without a spouse (as a teen)
Affordable
Date
Ideas
Educational
Service
attraction
getting to know
each other
Becoming
Exclusive
Intimacy
Preparing for the Future
Athletic
Artistic
Food
Developing Self-Esteem:
Building Self-Confidence:
-Participate in an activity that I like
-Doing something I know
I'm talented at
-Working on a hobby,
building talents that
I'm excited about
Building Healthy Relationships With Others:

-A good friend that really cares
-People that share my interests
and talents
-Caring adults and family
members
Building Self-Acceptance:
-What are my 3 greatest strengths?
-What are my top 3 personal values?
I am in a healthy relationship if...
Balancing Your Time:
Make time for family, friends, homework, exercise, religion, and other activities
Let your partner have time to him or herself
Respect each other's privacy and continue to work towards your goals
Why is it important to be honest in relationships?
How do you build trust with your parents? friends? boyfriend or girlfriend?
How can being honest now affect the people we become in the future?
How can you start this conversation if you don't talk with your parents often?
stayteen.org paper boyfriend/girlfriend games
Spend time alone sometimes (without facebook or technology), find out what your hobbies are and what you're passionate about
Pressure in Dating
If you care about someone, do you try to get them to do things they're not comfortable with?

How can you show someone you care about them?

Do you have to be intimate with someone in order to do so?

Healthy Relationships are built on respect. Do you think someone respects you who tries to pressure you into having sex? Do you think he or she will respect you afterwards?
There are lots of different types of relationships
Healthy Relationships
Unhealthy Relationships
Brainstorm common good and bad aspects of relationships that you see around you: (help students get a picture of some realistic relationships so they're prepared to think and talk about them)

i.e. holding hands, fighting, being clingy, avoiding friends for bf/gf, dating for fun vs. to start a future
Many of us learn from watching and imitating the people close to us. So someone who has lived around violent or disrespectful behavior may not have learned how to treat others with kindness and respect or how to expect the same treatment.

Qualities like kindness and respect are absolute requirements for a healthy relationship.

Sometimes a person needs to develop these characteristics before they decide to start a relationship. It will make the relationship start and continue much healthier.
It's hard for someone to love us if we don't love ourselves: Learn to love yourself and accept what you have to offer in a relationship.
You shouldn't expect someone else to make you happy if you're not already happy with yourself. Remember, you're individuals. You should have your own likes, dislikes, personalities, and loving yourself is essential to your own happiness, and will result in a happier, healthier relationship
Teen Relationships: As a teen, you are still learning about yourself, your talents, goals and desires, and developing your own identity. Because being an individual is important for a healthy relationship, it may not be healthy to start a relationship as a teen, especially if you feel you haven't developed your own personal identity as much as you'd like to in these areas. But don't worry, you have a lot of time to discover your identity and to then get involved in a relationship.
If the person you're dating or considering dating has had a difficult childhood, have they grown and changed enough that it won't affect your relationship?
Getting to know yourself can be important so you don't jump into a relationship with the first person that comes along. Is it a good idea to date someone just because they want to date you? Feel free to get to know a lot of people. If you know who you are, you'll be more likely to find someone who complements you and who you can be happy with.
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