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Crucial Conversations

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Don Ortegel

on 8 August 2014

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Transcript of Crucial Conversations

How do we have crucial conversations?
How to Master Crucial Conversations
4.) Master My Stories
Retrace your path and notice your behavior - take charge of your path to action.
3.) Make it Safe
When you realize the conversation is no longer safe, (1) Step out, (2) make it safe, and then (3) step back in. Here's how...
Crucial Conversations
A discussion between two or more people where (1) stakes are high, (2) opinions vary, and (3) emotions run strong.
Look to see if others are moving toward silence or violence.
Crucial Conversations
1.) Start with Heart
Work on me first
Focus on what
you REALLY want
Refuse the fool's choice
2.)Learn to Look - stay alert for the moment a conversation turn from routine or harmless into a crucial one.
When you see safety is at risk step out of the conversation and make it safe. When you have restored safety you can get back to the issue at hand and ocntinue the dialogue.
Watch for safety.
Know your own Style Under Stress and how to handle yourself.
Identify which condition is at risk?
Mutual Purpose?
Mutual Respect?
Contrast to fix misunderstanding.
CRIB to get to mutual purpose.
Commit to seek mutual purpose.
Recognize the purpose behind the strategy.
Invent a mutual purpose.
Brainstorm new stategies.
Am I in some form of silence or violence?
What emotions are encouraging me to act this way?
What story is creating these emotions?
What evidence do I have to support this story?
5.) STATE my Path
Share your facts.
Tell your story.
Ask for others' paths.
Talk tentatively.
Encourage testing.
6.) Explore Others' Paths
Ask - express interest.
Mirror - respect other's emotions.
Paraphrase - restate how you heard their story.
Prime - continue to ask questions
and mine for understanding.
Agree - agree when you do.
Build - build on conversation by
pulling in what is left out.
Compare - compare your views if there is a
disagreement, dont sugges others
are wrong.
Decide how to decide...
Command - one person makes the decision.
Consult - seek input and then a subset decides.
Vote - self explanatory.
Consensus - All agree and commit.
Finish Clearly
Determine who does what by when.

Make deliberables crystal clear
Record and track commitments
Hold people accountable
Opposing Opinions
Strong Emotions
High Stakes
Full transcript