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Chapter 3 Effective Parenting Skills

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Keri Feight

on 1 May 2018

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Transcript of Chapter 3 Effective Parenting Skills

Chapter 3 Effective Parenting Skills
Most parenting skills are learned skills, not inborn traits
Those who learned their parenting skills from poor examples have the opportunity to learn better skills
Parenting skills need to change as children grow. Adapt skills to each stage of development

Sec. 3.1 Parenting Skills

Most parenting skills are learned skills, not inborn traits
Those who learned their parenting skills from poor examples have the opportunity to learn better skills
Parenting skills need to change as children grow. Adapt skills to each stage of development

Sec. 3.1 Parenting Skills

Knowledge of child development is linked to reasonable expectations
By learning parenting skills we can better understand what children are capable of and at what age we can expect certain things from children
Knowing what to expect helps prevent misunderstanding and worry. People can apply this knowledge and have more confidence in their parenting skills.

Process of Growth and Development

Having knowledge of growth and development allows parents to respect each child’s uniqueness, anticipate certain behaviors (expectations) and be prepared to meet the challenges.
Also, this knowledge allows parents to be more tolerant when a child goes through a difficult stage


1. Meeting children’s needs
Food, clothing, shelter
Safety & health
Teach language
Foster intellectual growth – support schooling
Teach social skills
Opportunities to love and be loved

Parenting Tasks (from Ch 2)

2. Nurturing
Giving a child opportunities for encouragement and enrichment, love, support, and concern
Allow freedom to learn in a safe environment to explore through each stage of development
Deprivation – lack of enriching environment

3. Guide children toward appropriate behavior (prepare to live in society)

Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs helps explain the importance of nurturing as a parenting skill.
Parents need to realize they must balance their own needs with those of their children.
Very demanding task of parenting
Demands of parents personal lives and the demands of their children can cause a conflict for parents

Different Parenting Styles
Particular way that a parent consistently behaves toward children
Expectations one has of children and the manner in which one treats them.
Type of rules established for children and the method in which rules are made and enforced

Parenting Styles

Strict child rearing
Parents decide the rules, inform the children of them and then enforce them
Patterns of parent behavior are predictable. Children can expect their parents to respond in about the same way to similar situations
Parents show little or no flexibility in their handling of guidance or discipline
Parents see themselves as the authority figure; require their children to conform to their directions and expectations


Consider both the child’s needs and their own point of view when making decisions
Parents and children work together to set rules; children are then expected to conform to these rules. If they do not, they help determine the consequences of their behavior
Patterns of parent behavior are predictable most of the time; parents respond in similar ways to similar situations
Principles of guidance and discipline are generally discussed by parents and children; both parents and children can suggest changes that may be needed because of changing circumstances.
Parents see themselves as leaders in helping their children learn to share in the responsibilities for the well-being of family members. Parents view their children as important people who have contributions to make to the family.

Democratic (Authoritative)

Permit a wide range of behavior
Parents set few specific rules and allow the children much freedom and self-expression
Patterns of parent behavior are somewhat difficult to predict. Parents may respond in different ways to similar situations, depending on the circumstances and the child involved
Parents may change their guidance to meet individual situations
Parents expect their children to make many choices and face the consequences of their decisions


As the number of children increases, and parents gain experience they may change their parenting style
Parenting style may change due to a crisis in the family, causing parents to revert back to the parenting style they had in their own childhood due to frustration and stress
Parents may have different parenting styles

Changing Parenting Styles

Cultural background
Child-rearing goals
Personality patterns
Role models

Predicting Parenting Styles

Child development classes in high school
Parenting workshops in hospitals, schools, community groups & private instructors
Read books and magazine articles
Gain experience with children
Get advice of family members and friends
Observe other parents and children

Ways to Improve Skills

Use age appropriate words but do not talk down to children
Be clear.
Be positive and respectful. Use “do’s” instead of “don’ts”
Give praise and love. Be genuine
Limit rules to few
Talk about what is important to the child

Positive Communication

Using firmness and understanding to help children learn to control their own behavior
Results in self-discipline (controlling ones own behavior)

Section 3.2 Guidance

Making rules and applying them in the same way in all situations
Helps children know what is expected of them and what responses they can expect from parents
Key to guiding children’s behavior
All caregivers need to agree on rules and enforcing rules


1. Encourage appropriate behavior
2. Setting and enforcing limits
3. Deal with inappropriate behavior in effective ways

3 ways to guide behavior

Children need to know what appropriate behavior is expected
Set a good example
Tell them what is expected – avoid negatives as much as possible
Praise appropriate behavior – positive reinforcement (behaviorist Skinner)
Offer choices – with maturity they should be allowed to make some decisions.
Start with offering 2 choices and allow this time to be practice for making bigger decisions

1. Encouraging Appropriate behavior

Be specific with praise
Notice the behavior as soon as possible to connect it to the praise
Recognize small steps – don’t wait to praise them on perfect behavior
Help the child take pride in their actions – encourages good behavior for intrinsic reasons
Tailor the encouragement to the needs of the child – praise behaviors that are difficult for that child

Guidelines to encouraging appropriate behavior

Physical restrictions for safety
Restrictions should keep the child from hurting themselves, others, or property not to accommodate the parents needs.
Limits should allow for the child to learn, explore, and grow
Limits should be fair and age-appropriate
Limits should benefit the child and not just be convenient for the parent

2. Setting limits

Limits (rules) should be clear and brief
Limits will be learned through repetition
Ask children what the limits are to check for learning
Be calm when stating limits

Making Limits Clear

Show understanding of the child’s desires
I know you feel angry when Tommy takes your truck.
Set the limit and explain it
You need to ask Tommy to return your truck. It is unacceptable to bite your friends.
Acknowledge the child’s feelings
I know it makes you mad, but you have to use your words.
Give alternatives
If you want your truck back ask Tommy to let you play with the truck. Or, you can play with another truck or something else.
Limits should be firmly and consistently enforced.

Steps to setting limits

How you deal with behavior should depend on the child’s age
Responses to misbehavior:
Expectations regarding behavior should be age-appropriate
Child needs to understand why the behavior is wrong
Deliberate inappropriate behavior is different from unintentional behavior

3. Dealing with inappropriate behavior

Behavior that is not deliberate should not be punished.
Behavior that the child does not know is wrong is also unintentional

Unintentional behavior

Negative reinforcement – response aimed at discouraging a child from repeating an undesirable behavior; removal of an aversive stimuli to get desired results
EX: Child screams at the sight of a bug. Get rid of the bug the child stops screaming.
Positive reinforcement and setting limits encourages children to act as you wish but if they don’t negative reinforcement may be necessary.

Need to remember to separate the behavior from the child

Using Discipline Effectively

1st time – Warning with a discussion on desired behavior
Subsequent times – use effective strategies for guiding behavior: set limits (rules), be consistent, be firm & understanding, deal with behavior in a timely manner
Natural consequences
Logical consequences – Loss of privileges - Time out

Discipline for misbehavior
Results of his/her behavior
Toy is broken during rough play time. Natural consequence is the loss of that toy.
Most effective in helping a child learn self-discipline
Natural Consequences

If natural consequences aren’t appropriate because of safety issues, natural consequences (loss of privileges) can be effective
Playtime outside is restricted if a child can’t learn to stay in the yard

Logical Consequences

Short period of time in which a child sits away from other people and the center of activity
Opportunity to calm down, regain self control, and reflect on events
1 minute per year of age

Time out

Less effective (or harmful) methods
Doesn’t teach self-control, teaches rewards are given for stopping incorrect behavior.
Rewards for positive reinforcement is effective.
Food should never be used as a bribe and only rarely as a reward
Promise to behave
These promises are hard to keep and can make the child rely on lying to avoid disappointing parents
Shouting or yelling
Frightens young children and older children “tune out” yelling
Results in children who grow up to yell

Poor Disciplinary Measures

Shaming or belittling
Comments used to ridicule a child’s mistakes destroy their self-confidence
Threatening to withhold love
Statements can create fear of being rejected and abandoned

Children naturally feel anger – normal emotion.
Adults role is to guide the child’s behavior in a positive direction when they are angry. Redirect the emotions and express them in an appropriate fashion

Handling Conflict

Use words
No hitting, biting, slapping
Express emotions with words
Speak calmly
No screaming or yelling
Counting to ten
Help the child count to ten and take a few deep breaths

Then discuss the behavior and the discipline after calming down. Explain the behavior that occurred, what the consequences (natural or logical) are of the behavior and the appropriate behavior that is expected

Acceptable ways of handling anger

Adaptability – ability to be flexible and change
Sense of humor – ability to laugh about and enjoy the challenges of parenting
Maturity – ability to make wise decisions about child’s development and guidance
Positive self-concept – parents see themselves as successful parents
Emotional health – emotionally healthy individuals are able to withstand stress
Patience – parents remain calm in times of difficulty and stress
Integrity – parents make realistic judgments on a consistent basis
Team effort – parents work together to set goals for their children and family

Characteristics of Successful Parents

Unrealistic expectations
Practice of giving children more of everything, such as attention, toys, or food, whether they want it or not; overindulgent children grow up expecting to get everything they ask for with little or no effort on their part
Parents give in to the child’s desires or wishes; children often act on impulse, without a sense of responsibility
Overprotected children often lack the confidence needed to explore and learn for themselves

Undesirable Parenting Practices

Lowers child’s self-esteem and self-respect
Children are insecure and lack a feeling of self-worth
Rejected children have difficulty developing a positive self-concept

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