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Transcript of Blink Presentations
Da Jin Huang
According to psychologist Gottman. He focuses on the the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Four behaviors are strongly correlated with divorce, particularly if they have become permanent features of a relationship: 1) criticism (a more global put down of a person’s character, as opposed to a specific complaint); 2) contempt, which ultimately conveys disgust; 3) defensiveness, as opposed to listening to what the other person is saying; and 4) stonewalling, meaning that one person tunes out or otherwise disengages from the discussion (likely to be the husband 85% of the time). The most important horsemen is contempt because if you can measure contempt then you can predict how long a relationship will last.
Improvement for Divorce
Distinguishing The "Masters" from the unsuccessful Couples: How They Fight
A healthy relationship is defined by how couples fight not how much the couples fight. According to Gottman's researches even some successful couples are characterized by lots of fighting, while some unsuccessful couples appear to be calm and peaceful.
Now that we know what predicts failed relationships, couples can take advantage of this and learn how to avoid the most serious traps. There are couples therapy that helps couples how to improve their relationships by replacing harsh start up with softened start up and the most important, couples can be taught to recognize the four horsemen and eliminate the four horsemen and replace each with their antidotes.
The antidote for criticism is to provide a specific complaint so the argument is more likely to end well if the other person doesn’t feel that his or her character is being attacked.
Antidote For Criticism
Antidote For Contempt
There is a difference between conversations of master and unsuccessful couples, which is the fact that master couples are more likely to avoid inflicting too much damage to one another, but the unsuccessful couples are more likely to have a harsh start up conversation and exhibit the four horsemen that Gottman use to thin-slice relationships
Distinguishing The "Masters" from the unsuccessful Couples:How They Fight
The antidote for contempt is to really step back and make a conscious effort to begin to create a culture of fondness and admiration for each other.
The Antidote For Defensiveness
The antidote to defensiveness is willingness to take some responsibility by asking the partner to tell what do you see is our problem and how I contribute to this. This is also a way to respond rather than counterattacking what the other partner have said previously.
The Antidote For Stonewalling
The antidote to stonewalling is self-soothing, which is to calm down and not make the interaction worse.
For couples who have trouble implementing these strategies on their own, couples therapy offers a safe way to confront the most destructive behaviors and receive coaching on more constructive approaches. This will not only help couples maintain a healthy relationship but will also help couples stay together longer.
In the United States, researches estimate that 40-50% of all first and 60% of second marriages, will end in divorce. The most common reasons people give for their divorce are lack of commitment, too much arguing, infidelity, lack of equality in the relationship, and lack of preparation for marriage
Problem: Percentage of Marriages end in Divorce