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Crucial Conversations Ch 1-3 - Prezi

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Courtney Spivak

on 6 May 2013

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Transcript of Crucial Conversations Ch 1-3 - Prezi

Miguel Murphy, Courtney Spivak,
Mayra Vargas, and Xiaodi Zhu Role Play 2 Crucial Conversations: Chapters 1-3 The best way to work on US is to start by “ME” When faced with pressure and strong opinions, we often stop worrying about the goal of adding to the pool of meaning Start with Heart
How to focus on what you really want Chapter 3 Can kick start your career

Improve your organizational skills

Improve relationships

Improve your personal health Having these conversations… Avoid them

Face them and handle them poorly

Face them and handle them well How to Handle? What’s a Crucial Conversation?
And who cares? Chapter 1 3. Keep the peace:
Sometimes we choose personal safety over dialouge (Silence) 1. Win:
First, we correct the facts. We quibble over details and point out flaws in the other person’s arguments

2. Punish:
Second, as our anger increases, we move from wanting to win the point to wanting to harm the other person Start looking for ways to… Examples:
-Ending a relationship
-Talking to a misbehaving student
-Breaking disappointing news to the VPSA
-Talking to a co-worker who is not doing their part -We’re designed wrong
-We’re under pressure
-We’re stumped
-We act in self-defeating ways We Do Not Do This Well! Emotions run strong Example: Your spouse brings up something that upset you yesterday in a casual discussion Stakes are high Example: You think you are ready for a promotion; Your boss does not Opinions vary Crucial Conversations are interactions that happen to everyone.
They are day-to-day conversations that affect your life. Role Play 1 How people who are skilled at dialogue stay focused on their goals When starting with the heart, you are able to focus on what you really want, what is your goal?

GROW model (Ivey, Ivey & Zalaquett, 2010)

Focusing and meaning making microskills
1. Stresses the importance of the individual
2. Expand awareness of how individual clients develop in a larger context
How it is related to the microskills? Mastering Crucial Conversations
The Power of Dialogue Chapter 2 Reasons for asking this questions:
1. Helps you locate your north star

2. Affect our entire physiology: when we present our brain with demanding questions, our body sends precious bood to the parts of our brain that help us think and away from the part that help us fight Refocus your brain by asking yourself:
- What do I really want?
- What do I want for myself? For others? For the relationship?
- How do I behave is this were what I really wanted? Focus on What you Really Want 1. Clarify what you don’t want

2. Clarify what you do want

3. Combine the two into an and question in order to search for healthy options to bring you to dialogue Fools choice: when we assume we have to choose between getting results and keeping a relationship

You will find that there is a way to share your concerns, listen sincerely to others and build a relationship Refuse the Fools Choice core of every successful conversation: free flow of relevant information

openly & honestly express opinions, share feelings, articulate theories The "One thing" Our personal pool of meaning is made up of our opinions, feelings, theories and experiences, which informs us & propels our action

When more enter, we don't share the same pool

People who are skilled at dialogue do their best to make it safe for everyone to add their meaning to the shared pool -- even ideas that at first glance appear controversial, wrong, or at odds with their own beliefs

The larger the shared pool, the smarter the decisions How dialogues works:
Filling the pool of shared meaning How dialogues works:
Filling the pool of shared meaning Meaning didn't freely flow because people were afraid to speak up

Where bosses smart, high paid, confident and out-spoken, people tend to hold back their opinion rather than risk angering someone in a position of power

When people feel comfortable speaking up and meaning does flow freely, the shared pool dramatically increase a group's ability to make better decisions

The whole (final choice) was truly greater than the sum of original parts. How dialogues works:
Filling the pool of shared meaning
People don't buy into their final choice simply because they are involved; they buy in because they understand

Since their ideas remain in their heads and never make it into the pool, they end up quietly criticizing and passively resisting

Worse still, when others force their ideas into the pool, people have a harder time accepting the information. When stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong, we're often at our worst.

Sometimes come to silence

Rely on hints, sarcasm, innuendo, and looks of disgust to make our points

Violence, verbal attacks

Act like we know everything Negative examples of acting in an ineffective way Power differentials (egalitarian relationship with the client)

Multicultural competencies (clients of different background, viewpoint)

Encourage (information freely flow) Related to Ivey, Ivey, Zalaquett Example: You need to change your company’s marketing strategy or your not going to hit your quarterly goals Related to Ivey, Ivey, & Zalaquett Our first change in heart comes from realizing that as much as others may need to change, or we may want them to change, the only person we can continually inspire, prod, and shape is ourselves. In other words, we need to work in ourselves first
Skilled people start with the heart- they begin high-risk discussion with the right motives, and they stay focused no matter what happens
Thank you! Stakes are high in crucial conversations, much like confrontational situations

Crucial conversations are emotionally driven, like so often counseling situations are
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