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Adding Details

Adding Specific Details
by

Shana Hartman

on 1 April 2015

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Transcript of Adding Details

Adding Details!
What do you see here?
And what do you see here?
When describing things in your draft, it's important to paint a clear picture and provide clear details for your audience.
Imagine this
It is wrong to judge.
What comes to mind?
My mother glided into rooms like a golden ray of sun, hair silky and smooth, smile radiating, arms wide ready to wrap you with warmth.
This tells.
This shows.
How do you do use details to show instead of tell?

I'm glad you asked!
Add specific verbs!
Add strong adjectives!
Example: Find the Verbs and Adjectives

"The old man, feeble and stiff, tenderly embraced his beloved cello. A single tear slid down his wrinkled face. His arthritic hands shook as the bow quivered back and forth. He wore an out-of-style jacket, an old fashioned plaid. His shaggy eyebrows glistened with sweat, and his sideburns grew overgrown and wild. His cello, a piece of art, was old and had clearly been used. Decades of polishing made the wood shiny." by Cary Cybulski
Now you try!
Use the following as a model and create your own descriptive passage
Stay as close to the original as you like or stray as far away as you like

"The
old
man,
feeble
and
stiff
, tenderly
embraced
his
beloved
cello. A
single
tear
slid
down his
wrinkled
face. His
arthritic
hands
shook
as the bow
quivered
back and forth. He
wore
an
out-of-style
jacket, an
old fashioned
plaid. His
shaggy
eyebrows
glistened
with sweat, and his sideburns
grew
overgrown and wild. His cello, a piece of art, was
old
and had clearly
been used
. Decades of
polishing
made the wood
shiny
." by Cary Cybulski
Reflect:
What was the activity like?
What was it like to mimic?
How does adding specific verbs enhance your writing and add detail?

What adjectives and verbs do you see?

"The
old
man,
feeble
and
stiff
, tenderly
embraced
his
beloved
cello. A
single
tear
slid
down his
wrinkled
face. His
arthritic
hands
shook
as the bow
quivered
back and forth. He
wore
an
out-of-style
jacket, an
old fashioned
plaid. His
shaggy
eyebrows
glistened
with sweat, and his sideburns
grew
overgrown and wild. His cello, a piece of art, was
old
and had clearly
been used
. Decades of
polishing
made the wood
shiny
." by Cary Cybulski
Full transcript