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Standard Life Aberdeen Drivers

Beliefs and Persona
by

jeff jackson

on 15 September 2017

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Transcript of Standard Life Aberdeen Drivers

Exploring My Beliefs
'Beliefs literally create our reality; they are the lenses through which we interpret the world.'

Some of these "lenses" focus and open up new horizons; others restrict our view and limit possibilities.


As we believe - so shall we lead
Where do our beliefs come from?
Life experiences
Parents
Teachers
Religion
Significant Others
Media
Our Culture
'We are born in truth but grow up believing in lies'
-Miguel Ruiz 'The Voice of Knowledge'
'As very small children we are completely authentic. Our tendency is to play and explore, to live in the moment, to enjoy life. Nobody teaches us to be that way; we are born that way.'
Miguel Ruiz
So what happens?
As we begin to make sense of the world we come to conclusions about how it works, what is good or bad, right or wrong
, what we are
and we are also learning
what we are not
We work hard to be
'good'
for our parents, our relatives, our teachers and to get the rewards that brings or to avoid punishment but perhaps that's the start of
being what others want us to be
and the unconscious message is
'I cannot just be me, I am not enough'
A proposition or premise we hold to be true
What is a Belief Cycle?
Our experience creates a belief.

As a result, new experience is viewed through that ‘filter’ or 'lense'

That filter shapes our response

Our response has an effect

That effect can reinforce our belief or alter it
What is a belief?
As we begin to shape who we are
to meet others' expectations we begin to create a
persona
that is different from our
real self
? An alternative version.
As we move through our lives
striving to be what we believe we need to be or ought to be, it's likely that we will constantly be judging and measuring ourselves against that image we aspire to. Is this how the
'I'm not enough'
belief gets reinforced?
How do we acquire our beliefs?
Each of us carries conscious and unconscious
beliefs that determine how we behave. They are our
'drivers'
and are likely to be based on what we learned when we were growing up.

When we were making sense of our world, how it works and who we are


Message when Growing Up:


Achievement, fulfilling one's potential,
emphasis on standards, the search for 'the good and the right', being the best you can be, striving for excellence.

'If thing is worth doing, it's worth doing it properly'
'Only your best is good enough'

Driver Belief:
I have to 'Be Perfect'
Drivers
Message when Growing Up:

Consideration, love, kindness,cooperation, harmony
selflessness, service to others

'What people think of you is really important'
'Always put others before yourself'
'It's best not to upset people'


Driver Belief:
I have to 'Please People'
Message when Growing Up:


Courage, strength, reliability, independence,
care and concern for others well being, standing up for yourself, hiding emotion.

'Don't let others see you are hurt'
'Don't cry'
'Don't give in'

Driver Belief:
I have to 'Be Strong'
Message when Growing Up:


Persistence, endurance, patience,
determination, steadfastness, putting effort in, never giving up.

'As long as you tried hard, that's what matters'
'The easy way is never the right way'
'It's always worth putting more effort in'

Driver Belief:
I have to 'Try hard'
Language and Thinking Develop
Personal Reflection
~ What positive, affirming beliefs do I hold about myself?
~ What do these beliefs give me? What do they open up?
~ What 'self-limiting' beliefs do I hold?
- What do these beliefs cost me? What do they shut down?
~
What does my 'I'm not enough voice' say?

Pair up with somebody and support each other's learning.
Listen and be curious.

Examples of Conscious Beliefs someone might have are:

~ I believe in treating people with respect.
~ I fear trying new things.
~ I am creative.
~ Many people are untrustworthy.
~Hard work brings results.

We are usually aware of Conscious Beliefs and whether or not we are living according to them or not.
Unconscious beliefs can still drive our behaviour even if by definition we are unaware we hold them!
Let's say we hold an Unconscious or Shadow Belief that

"we only have value if we are doing and achieving."
How might that play out?
Some strengths become weaknesses because an underlying belief is operating
Self Confidence
with
'I have to be right'
is likely to result in
arrogance or abrasiveness

Humility
with
'I'm not enough'
is likely to result
in being
submissive

Since our shadows are often hidden successfully from our own view, how can we bring them to light?
~ If other people often give us feedback inconsistent with how we see ourselves

~ When we feel stuck or blocked with a real loss as to what to do next

~ When strengths become counter-productive

~When we are not open to new information, new learning, or other people's views

~ If we react to circumstances with emotional responses disproportionate to the situation, we are right over the target of a Shadow Belief.

~ When we find ourselves forcefully reacting to the limitations of others in a critical, judgmental way, we often are projecting our unresolved shadow issues onto others.
So what are the steps to master conscious competence regarding our beliefs?

• Work on bringing Conscious Beliefs to Your Awareness

• Commit to the on-going process of transforming Shadow Beliefs into Conscious Beliefs

What does this belief give me?
What does this belief cost me?

Drivers Questionnaire
Message when Growing Up:


Efficiency, speediness, responsiveness,
time is precious, seize the day, being busy.

'Don't just sit there, do something'
'The Devil makes work for idle hands'

Driver Belief:
I have to 'Hurry Up'
Personal Reflection
~ What was the main 'message' I remember when I was growing up?
~ What were some of the key experiences that helped shape my beliefs?
~ What have I found interesting?
Pair up and help each other explore how your two main drivers can work for you and how they sometimes create problems for you.
Welcome to

Leadership and Personal Mastery
Day One
~ Introduction
~ Team Exercise
~ Beliefs
~ Drivers
~ Leadership
~ Books
Some Expectations
~ Confidentiality
~ Punctuality
~ Be Present
~ Respect
Ways We Can Listen
Downloading:

Listening to confirm
Attentive:

Listening for what is different
Empathic:

Listening for the emotion
Generative:
Listening to our heart
Drivers
are
unconscious internal pressure
that makes us do things a certain way - based largely on beliefs we formed when we were young.
How can we begin to uncover an unconscious belief? Pretty Tricky! A few suggestions...

~ STOP and take a little time to use the Learning Cycle
~ Try to become more aware of the times that you have experienced unhelpful/negative emotion. Is there a pattern?
~ What are the 'triggers'
~ When you consider your usual response (your emotion and behaviour) what belief would underpin it?
The more we know about our drivers the more we will be able to ensure they remain
'healthy'
and do not create problems for us.

When a driver
'compels us'
and we feel we
'must obey'
it is controlling us.
Are you leading from who you really are or
from a persona you have created?
A face we present to the world
A version of yourself that is better or one that protects you in some way?
How authentic am I?
How well do I know my real self?

Take some time to identify some of your beliefs about yourself:
What positive self affirming beliefs do I hold?
What self limiting beliefs do I hold?
When, where, how did I learn to believe the self limiting belief?
How would my life be different if I chose not to believe it?
Reflect on how healthy your main drivers are:
How do they work for you?
What difficulties do they create for you and others?
Explain to the person next to you how your
main driver
works
for you
and
against you

Developing Leadership
Unlocking Your Potential
Personal Drivers
'If you believe you can, you probably will.
If you believe you can't you probably wont!'
'Our mind is the generator of our experience'
'We live the world from the 'inside out''
'Our perceptions and feelings don't happen to us they are created within us'
Insight Principles - Manning, Charbit and Krot
'We are our thinking'
If we accept that how we
think
and what we
believe
is directly related to how we
feel
and how we
behave
then we do have a lot of control!
When we are young we learn all sorts of things including
'how we should be'.
We learn this consciously and unconsciously.
By what we are told, what we observe, what we absorb, what we get rewarded for and what brings disapproval.
Things to remember about the 5 Drivers.
There isn't a bad driver. They all have very positive attributes.
However if they become 'too strong' they can create problems for us
Five Drivers
largely based on
the message we received
when we were
'growing up'
Potential Underlying Beliefs:
~ There is always a right way to do something/ write something
~ There is always something you could have done to make it better
~ Nobody will do this as well as I will
~ I need more time to do it properly
~ If you can't do it well, don't try

Potential Underlying Beliefs:
~ Being constantly busy is good
~ I don't have time to stop, sit down or reflect
~ Getting lots done is what really matters
~ If I'm not doing - I'm not valuable
Potential Underlying Beliefs:
~ Showing emotion is weak
~ Being wrong is weak
~ Not giving in or not asking for help is strong
Potential Underlying Beliefs:
~ I can't say 'no' - it will upset somebody
~ People need to like and approve of me
~ I have to impress people
~ Others needs are more important than mine
Potential Underlying Beliefs:
'If it's not hard it's not worth doing'
' It's hard to actually finish something'
' The effort is more important than the result'
Each number has five statements.

Pick the one that is most true for you and give it high mark (7-10).
Then pick the one that is least true and give it a low mark (0-3).
For the other three statements rank them between your highest and lowest, making sure you give one statement a 5.

(15 minutes - a minute a number and a couple of minutes to score it)

Common patterns are for two or even three drivers to show up strongly
One driver is usually much lower
Scores range between 40 and 80
Over 80 is High
Only 2% have scores over 100 or under 30

This process shapes our Driver Preferences
However this requires us to be
aware
of how we are thinking and to choose appropriate behaviour.
Not always easy when we are
emotionally charged
or when we are responding to
internal pressure.
So how can we 'regain control'?
First step is increase your
awareness
of your Drivers:
Example
When somebody is taking a long time to say something in a meeting and you feel irritated and want to interrupt - It is likely to be your Hurry Up Driver being triggered!
RECOGNISE and CHOOSE your RESPONSE!


Some combinations of Drivers are difficult:
Be Perfect
and
Please People
for example
When you are
feeling
the negative emotion building e.g impatience behind a slow driver
Use the
STOP
Technique:
S
tep Back -
Take a deep breath
T
hink -
What's happening?
O
rganise - What are my options?
P
roceed -
Choose your response
Step 2: You really need to
ADAPT
one or more of your
DRIVER BELIEFS
'I dont have to finish all my to do list to take a break'
HU
'It's okay to say 'No' sometimes'
PP
'Saying 'I don't know' is a sign of strength BS

Change the belief and we can change the behaviour
Full transcript