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Transcript of Assertivness
*Self-dismissal, self-put downs
*Avoiding eye contact, looking down
*Slouching 2)Acquiescence (Passive)
a)“Attaining objectives by attacking or hurting others”
b)Either direct or indirect
d)Non-verbal characteristics 3) Aggression Assertiveness is a communication style
It’s expressing yourself in a manner that does not violate the rights of others What is Assertiveness?
Sarah Sexton a)“Able to stand up for their own rights in a way that also recognizes the concurrent right of others to do the same”
b)Can be misunderstood as aggressive when behaviors are too assertive
d)Non-verbal characteristics: 1)Assertiveness * Relaxed voice, fluent conversation
* Direct and sincere statements
* “I” statements
* Cooperative phrases, statements of interest * Direct eye contact, without staring
* Upright, open body stance
* Receptive listening * Sarcastic or condescending voice
* Opinions expressed as fact, threatening questions * Staring, pointing
* Pacing impatiently “Assertiveness is basically the same as being aggressive” •Some people who are aggressive think they are being assertive because they are stating what their needs are. It is true that both assertive and aggressive communication involves stating your needs; however there are very important differences between stating your needs assertively . There are differences in the words used, the tone taken, and the body language used. “If I am assertive I will get what I want” •Being assertive does not mean that you always get what you want. In fact being assertive is not a guarantee of any outcome at all. Being assertive is about expressing yourself in a way that respects both your needs and the needs of others. Sometimes this means you get what you want, sometimes you won’t get what you want at all and sometimes you will come to a mutually satisfactory compromise. Myth Myth Myth “If I am assertive I have to be assertive in every situation” Eventual Understanding how to be assertive provides you with the choice of when to be assertive. It does not mean you have to be assertive in every situation. You may come to the realization in certain situations that being assertive is not the most helpful way to behave. For example, if you are in a bar and someone begins to be very aggressive or violent, then being assertive may place you at risk as the other person is not being rational. In this case you may make the decision that a passive approach is the most beneficial. Learning to be assertive is about providing yourself with a choice! Situation 1
You are in a hurry to get out of the store. The person behind you asks if she can go ahead since she only has a few items.
"Yes, that would be okay. Go ahead." Situation 3
Your friend tells you he really likes your shirt. You say:
"This old thing? I've had it forever." Situation 4
you have set a time to meet and your friend is thirty minutes late. When she arrives you say:
"Why don't you think of someone else for a change instead of yourself. I've been waiting thirty minutes." Identifying Communication Situation 2
Your roommate has books and papers spread on the living-room floor and you are expecting guests. You say:
"I would appreciate it if you could move your papers and books. Jim and Mary are on their way over. Can I help you?" Activity THE EFFECTS OF BEING UNASSERTIVE Unassertive = Passive and/or Aggressive
Assertive = I win, You win
Passive (unassertive) = You win, I lose
Aggressive (unassertive) = I win, You lose CONSEQUENCE OF UNASSERTIVENESS
RESULTING IN AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR •Conceal thoughts and feelings, making us feel tense, stressed, anxious or resentful
•Unhealthy and uncomfortable relationships
•We will feel like the people closest to us don’t really know us
•Lack of assertiveness is very common in social phobia
•Belief that other people are being judgmental and critical
•Avoidance of social situations CONSEQUENCE OF UN ASSERTIVENESS
RESULTING IN PASSIVE BEHAVIOR Can lead to low self-esteem
•We do not say what we really feel or think
•We agree with and fulfill other people’s needs or wants
•Ignore our own needs and wants
•This can result in a lack of purpose
•A feeling of not being in control of our own lives •Eventual loss of friends
•People will lose respect for us
•Low self esteem
•Substance abuse How to be Assertive 1. Use “I” Statements
2. Speak Up for What You Need
3. Learn to Say No
4. Monitor Your Inner Dialogue
5. Be Persistent Improve Your Assertiveness!
5. Come up with a more helpful behavior.
6. Rehearse what you are going to say and do.
7. Do the task you have identified.
8. Reflect and praise
9. Keep practicing Improve Your Assertiveness! Assertiveness Aaron Murphy
Sarah Sexton 1. Identify the situations you want to work on.
2. Identify any unhelpful thinking associated with these situations.
3. Come up with a more assertive way of thinking about the situation.
4. Identify any past unhelpful behaviors References Google Image Centre for Clinical Interventions (CCI) - Psychotherapy, Research, Training. (n.d.). Centre for Clinical Interventions (CCI) - Psychotherapy, Research, Training. Retrieved January 14, 2013, from http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=51