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Crucial Conversations Example - TW edits
Transcript of Crucial Conversations Example - TW edits
Day-to-day conversations that affect your life Ending a relationship Asking a boss about a possible promotion Facing crucial conversations poorly Tools for Talking When Stakes are High Start with your heart On what you really want What am I acting like I really want?
What do I really want?
For the relationship?
How would I behave if I really did want this? Focus What do I not want?
How should I go about getting what I really want and avoiding what I don't want? Sucker Coaching Yourself or Others Refuse the Choice Did these coaches keep their focus and refuse the Sucker's choice? Am I going to silence or violence?
Common forms of silence: masking, avoiding, withdrawing.
Common forms of violence: controlling, labeling, and attacking.
Are others? Learn to for when the conversation becomes crucial
for safety problems
for your own style under stress (handout) Crucial Conversations Opposing Options Strong Emotions High Stakes Make it safe Master my stories State my Path Explore Others' Paths Move to Action Are we talking about these type of safety problems? Encourage free flow (A) Ask -show interest
(M) Mirror - Increase safety by acknowledging emotions
(P) Paraphrase - Restate what you've heard to show you understand and that it's safe to share what they're thinking
(P) Prime - If other's hold back, take your best guess at what they're thinking/feeling of Meaning Listening Skills When others misunderstand your purpose or intent, use contrasting.
Start with what you don't intend or mean. Then explain what you do intend or mean Did the lieutenant make it safe? How to make it safe:
When others move to silence or violence, step out of the conversation and make it safe
Decide which condition of safety is at risk
Mutual purpose - Do others believe you care about their goals in this conversation? Do they trust your motives?
Mutual respect - Do others believe you respect them? When you've clearly violated respect, apologize Make it Safe These four skills (CRIB) will get you back to a mutual purpose:
(C) Commit -to seek mutual purpose
(R) Recognize the purpose behind strategy
(I) Invent a mutual purpose
(B) Brainstorm new strategies Have I established mutual purpose and respect? When you have a tough message to share, or when you're convinced of your own rightness that you may push too hard, remember to STATE your path:
(S) State your facts
(T) Tell your story
(A) Ask for others' paths
(T) Talk tentatively
(E) Encourage testing Decide how you'll decide
Four methods of decision making
Consensus Finish Clearly
Who does what by when- Make the deliverables crystal clear
Set a follow-up time - Record commitments and then follow up
Hold people accountable to their promises
Document your work Commit Recognize Invent Brainstorm If strong emotions are keeping you stuck in silence or violence, try this: Notice your behavior. If you find yourself moving away from dialogue, ask yourself what you're really doing. Get in touch with your feelings. Learn to accurately identify the behind your story. Analyze your stories. your conclusions and look for other possible explanations behind your story. Get back to the . Abandon your absolute certainty by distinguishing between hard facts and your invented story. What do I have to support this story? evidence facts Question Emotions Facts are critical when analyzing strong emotions and can take you by surprise with a little research You can do this! Safety Problems