The Addiction Bubble: The world within the fantasy

a mentally disturbed condition

Progressive – need increasing amounts of the substance or activity, pornography becomes more hard core, the time spent looking at pornography increases, going to see prostitutes may start at once a year and gradually becomes a 3 times a week habit

Mental obsession – increasing concern to preserve the relationship with the substance or activity, uneasiness when supply is threatened, hiding pornography on the computer, deleting browsing history, making up excuses to be away from home or family

Insanity – doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result

Primary – The addiction is like a human relationship in that it can appear to give a sense of nurturing and connection

• More important than life or family

• The other woman

• The focus of energy

• Origin of excitement

• Remedy for pain and fear

• Reward for success

• Means of emotional balance

Unmanagable - the consequences of the compulsive behaviour that the addict cannot control or stop from happening

Biological

• Addiction alters the brain chemistry

• Becomes chemically dependent and can experience withdrawal

• Increasing tolerance for the chemical or mood altering experience

• Can cause physical harm to body through STDs, malnutrition, disease and self-harm

• Physical injury due to compulsive behaviour, physical abuse, putting self at risk in dangerous situations

• Inability to function normally without drug of choice. Without using the drug of choice the addict will feel despair, shame, loneliness, and emptiness so they need the drug of choice to numb those feelings. This is like the alcoholic needing a morning pick me up.

Psychological

• -Blackouts or brownouts are when the addict experiences a loss of memory due to being in the trance like state of the addiction or from overuse of drugs and alcohol.

• Euphoric recall is the memories the addict has about the first time they used their drug of choice. Addicts can recall the intense feelings and the details of what happened on their first use. Addicts will use this memory as the high they want to go back to but cannot because of increasing tolerance to the drug of choice.

Loss of relationship with self or low self-image

• Compromise personal needs

• Shame and fear – despair

• Disconnected emotionally

• Loss of creativity

• Living two lives – the normal self and the addict self, Jekyll and Hyde

Powerlessness

• Loss of control despite severe consequences

• Inability to control addictive behaviour

• Inability terminate addictive behaviour

• Inability to recognize addictive behaviour

• Inability to change manner of addictive behaviour

Rigid Negative Attitudes and Defensiveness

• Mental attitude: Intolerance, stubbornness

• Emotional attitude: anger, self-pity, despair, rejection

• Behavioural patterns: postures of defiance, grandiosity, frustration

• Defensiveness: denial, minimizing, rationalizing, excusing, justifying addictive behaviour, projecting problems onto other people

Delusion

• Unawareness manifested by sincere denial

• Denial of existence of a problem, minimizing the effects of the problem

• Unawareness manifested by sincere affirmation

• Everything is fine and under control

Emotional Compulsion

• Urgency to act out addiction

• Impulsive use of drug of choice

Mental Obsession

• Increasing concern about the drug of choice

• Uneasiness when supply is threatened.

• Increasing concern to preserve relationship with addiction such as making plans on how they can slip away from work or family to use.

• Decreased mental activity about other matters such as thinking about how they will get the next hit for their drug of choice at work

Social

• -Loss of relationship with spouse, parents, children, and friends

• -Loss of social standing, stigmatized

• -Loss of job or decrease in job performance

• -Family shame and secrets

• -Isolation

• -Abandonment

• -Financial losses

• -Manipulation of personal life and others to accommodate the addiction through lying or making excuses not to attend family functions

Spiritual

• Compromise personal values

• Loss of connection with God

• Loss of meaning in life

• Loss of life goals

Group Discussion – The Consequences of Addiction – 30 minutes

• How has the addiction affected your life?

• What values have you compromised because of the addiction?

• How does the addiction make you feel?

• Did you grow up with any family secrets?

Genetic Predisposition

Genetics can predispose us to addiction in that our brains may be more receptive to the effects of drugs or alcohol. The interplay of our childhood environment also molds the developing brain to become vulnerable to addiction.

Neurobiology of Childhood Experiences

“Good experiences lead to healthy brain development, while the absence of good experiences or the presence of bad ones distorts development in essential brain structures” (Maté, p. 187). With these deficits in brain development these children will suffer a reduced ability to anticipate consequences, inhibit irrelevant, inappropriate or self-destructive behaviours.

Trauma and Abuse

The researchers found that the risk for substance abuse increased two to four times for each adverse childhood experiences (ACE) and with subjects with five or more ACEs had seven to ten times greater risk for substance abuse than those with none (Maté, 2008, pp. 192-193).

Felitti, V. (2007). Adverse Childhood Experiences and their Relationship to Adult Health, Well-being, and Social Functioning. Retrieved July 5, 2011, from http://www.norlien.org/pages/player.php?v=felitti.

Table 1. Addictions of other family members (Carnes, 1991, p. 71).

Addiction % Mothers % Fathers % Siblings

Sexual 18 40 50

Alcohol 25 38 46

Overeating 43 24 37

More than one 22 40 56

Table 2. Types of abuse reported by male and female sex addicts (Carnes, 1991, p. 109)

Emotional Abuse 97 percent

Sexual Abuse 81 percent

Physical Abuse 72 percent

Table 3. Worst Sexual Abusers for Female Sex Addicts (Carnes, 1991, p. 116)

Other Adults 19 percent of incidents

Father 16 percent

Brother 12 percent

Mother 11 percent

Male juvenile 10 percent

Table 4. Worst Sexual Abusers for Male Sex Addicts (Carnes, 1991, p. 116)

Mother 17 percent of incidents

Other adults 15 percent

Male juvenile 13 percent

Family friend 8 percent

Father 8 percent

Table 5. Family Members Responsible for Physical Abuse of Sex Addicts (Carnes, 1991, p. 120)

Family Member % Male % Female

Father 36 20

Mother 27 31

Brother 9 7

Sisters 4 3

Cultural Values

Table 6. Comparison of Cultural Values to the Addict Values (Carnes, 1991, p. 78)

Culture Addict

Convenience Quick Fix

Confidence in technology Easy solutions

Entertainment before meaning Lack of meaning

Paradigm shifts Values confusion

Disrupted family life Abandonment

Loss of community Isolation

High stress Anxiety

Exploitation Distrust

Denial of limitations No limits

Addicts in population Addictive norms

[and pop culture]

Group Discussion – The Impact of our Childhood Experiences - 20 minutes

• What are your reflections on the causes of addiction?

• Are there any areas that you can relate to?

• How do you feel after hearing this information?

Concurrent Disorders

• There may be other mental health issues

• Depression, ADHD, Post-traumatic stress disorder, Bipolar Disorder

• Sometimes drug addictions is used to self-medicate the underlying mental health issues

• Concurrent addictions can work together ritualistically such as drugs and sex

Co-addiction or co-dependency occurs because:

• Addict replaces normal human relationships with addiction.

• Spouse or family members grieve the loss of the relationship

• They cannot grieve the loss because the addict is still physically present

• Co-addicts vacillate between feelings of despair when addict acts out and hope when he appears under control.

• Co-addicts gives up a part of themselves to maintain relationship with the addict (Carnes, 2001, p. 118).

In order to maintain the relationship with the addict, co-addicts use strategies such as:

• overlooking behaviour that deeply hurt

• covering up behaviour that is despised

• disregarding their own intentions

• appearing happy when hurting

• avoiding conflict to keep up appearances

• being disrespected repeatedly

• allowing personal standards to be compromised

• blaming self for the family problems

• believing there are no other options to cope with the situation (Carnes, 2001, p. 123)

Feelings

• Addiction and co-addiction numbs our feelings

• Recovery means our feelings will thaw including all the unpleasant feelings

• Unpleasant feelings will thaw first and then the pleasant feelings later in recovery

• Processing these unpleasant feelings and past experiences to free ourselves

• This is Steps Four and Five of the 12 Steps

Values and Needs

• As our feelings thaw our thoughts and beliefs about our needs and values clarify

• What is important in our lives?

• What is our yearnings? Relationship and meaning

Boundaries

• As our values and needs clarify we can delineate boundaries

• Boundaries exist because our feelings, thoughts, beliefs, needs, and physical body belong to us, it is our personal property

• Our personal property is our personal responsibility

• We do not take ownership of other people’s property or responsibilities (Cloud & Townsend, 1992, p. 25)

• Boundaries are there to keep good in and the bad out (Cloud & Townsend, pp. 31-32)

Physical health

• Eating and sleeping properly

• Exercise

• Medical check-ups for STDs

Attachment and Intimacy

• Relationships within the family can be a source of nurturance, intimacy and security

• Primary couple relationship is one of mutual dependence not co-dependence

• Parental relationship is to provide consistent nurturance, safety and accessibility

• As the drug of choice is removed, a new family environment is recreated

• Couples and family counselling can be helpful

• Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson (2008) is an excellent book on intimacy

Abuse

• If there is domestic or sexual abuse, perpetrator must be separated from family

• Individual recovery for both the addict, co-addict and family is crucial

• Reintegration of perpetrator into the family after addict and co-addict has had significant recovery

• The victim makes the decision for reintegration of the perpetrator into the family (Juhnke & Hagedorn, 2006, pp. 226-229).

Sponsor

• Sponsor is a critical part of 12 Step recovery

• Sponsor is not a parent or friend

• Sponsor is a coach that helps the addict or co-addict through recovery

• Sponsor shares their experience

• Sponsor is someone you trust

• Sponsor has been through the journey of addiction and recovery, they understand

• Sponsor has had a sponsor themselves and worked through the 12 Steps

Peer Support Meeting such as 12 Step meetings

• 12 Step meetings are safe places to share hurts and experience with addiction

• 12 Step meetings is a place where we share and hear stories

• 12 Step meetings is where we can find acceptance and courage to change

• Shame and isolation is broken by meeting with other addicts and co-addicts

Recovery culture instead of a using culture.

• Previous community of friends can still be focused on the continuation of addiction

• Intentionally change the community and culture around addict and co-addict

• It takes courage to accept these changes and reach out to new people

Spirituality versus religion

• Church may not be a safe place because of childhood experiences

• Recovery is not about going to church

• Recovery is about finding a community that will nurture and support spiritual growth

• Everyone will have a different journey for spiritual growth

• Spirituality is to find connection to something greater than ourselves

• Spirituality is to find meaning for the suffering endured

• I recommend the book by Viktor Frankl (2006), Man’s Search for Meaning.

Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it;

Trusting that You would make all things right

If I surrender to Your will;

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen

Reinhold Neibuhr

References

Alcoholics Anonymous World Services. (2001). Alcoholics Anonymous (4th ed.). New York, NY: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Baker, J. (1998). Serenity Prayer. In Stepping Out of Denial into God's Grace (Vol. 1). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Carnes, P. J. (1991). Don't call it love: Recovery from sexual addiction. New York, NY: Bantam Books.

Carnes, P. (2001). Out of the shadows: Understanding sexual addiction (3rd ed.). Center City, MN: Hazelden.

Celebrate Recovery: Testimonies to Go Volumes 1 and 2, CJ and Linda. (2010). Saddleback Resources.Com. Retrieved from http://www.saddlebackresources.com/Testimonies-To-Go-Vols-1-2-1-DVD-P2399C168.aspx.

Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1992). Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, To Take Control of Your Life. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Discovery Communications LLC. (2011). Addicted: A Near Death Experience. Retrieved July 5, 2011, from http://tlc.discovery.com/videos/addicted-a-near-death-experience.html.

Edgewood. (2009). Family Education Day. Nanaimo, BC: Edgewood.

Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man's Search for Meaning. Boston, MA: Beacon Press.

International Service Organization of SAA. (1992). The Bubble: A metaphor for addictive sexual behavior (pp. 1-3). Retrieved from http://saa-recovery.org/SAALiterature/English /Bubble/.

Simplified Health. (2008). Chinese Finger Trap Self-Help: Know acceptance of powerlessness to be free! Retrieved July 5, 2011, from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSnw-PHLUxY.

Johnson, S. (2008). Hold me tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love. New York, NY: Little, Brown and Company.

Juhnke, G. A., & Hagedorn, W. B. (2006). Counseling addicted families: An integrated assessment and treatment model. New York, NY: Routledge.

Maté, G. (2008). In the realm of hungry ghosts: Close encounters with addiction. Toronto, ON: Vintage Canada.

Miller, W. R., & Rollnick, S. (2002). Motivational Interviewing: Preparing People for Change (2nd ed.). New York, NY: The Guilford Press.

Annotated Bibliography

12 Step Fellowships

• The Augustine Fellowship. (2011). Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. Retrieved July 5, 2011, from http://www.slaafws.org/.

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous is a 12 Step recovery group for those struggling with compulsive sexual behaviours and chronic preoccupation with romance, intrigue and fantasy. There are online and teleconference meetings available as well. This group is open to men and women.

• Celebrate Recovery. (2011). Celebrate Recovery. Retrieved July 5, 2011, from http://www.celebraterecovery.com.

Celebrate Recovery is a Christ centered 12 Step recovery group for anyone with a hurt, habit or hang-up. Celebrate Recovery provides support for those struggling with addictions, abuse, co-dependency, eating disorders, relationship breakdowns, and domestic violence.

• International Service Organization of COSA. (2010). COSA-recovery.org. Retrieved July 5, 2011, from http://www.cosa-recovery.org/.

COSA is 12 Step recovery program for people who have been affected by another person’s compulsive sexual behaviour.

International Service Organization of SAA. (2010). Sex Addicts Anonymous. Retrieved July 5, 2011, from http://saa-recovery.org/.

Sex Addicts Anonymous is a 12 Step recovery group for those struggling with compulsive sexual behaviours. This group is open to men or women regardless of sexual orientation. There are online and teleconference meetings available as well.

• S-Anon International Family Groups. (2011). S-Anon International Family Groups. Retrieved July 5, 2011, from http://www.sanon.org/.

S-Anon is a 12 Step support group for those who have been affected by someone else’s compulsive sexual behaviour.

• Sexaholics Anonymous, Inc. (2011). Sexaholics Anonymous. Retrieved July 5, 2011, from http://sa.org/.

Sexaholics Anonymous is a 12 Step recovery group for those struggling with lust. This group is open to men and women.

Internet Resources

• Alcohol Drug Rehab Canada. (2011). Canada Alcohol and Drug Rehab Programs. Retrieved July 5, 2011, from http://www.canadadrugrehab.ca/.

• Alcohol Drug Rehab Canada. (2011). Canada Sex Addiction Treatment and Sex Therapy Services. Retrieved July 5, 2011, from http://www.canadadrugrehab.ca/Sex-Addiction-Treatment.html.

A comprehensive website providing contact information for various government services, out-patient and residential addiction programs, mutual support programs, and interventionists for alcohol, drug, and sexual addictions, gambling and eating disorders. There is an extensive section devoted to sex addiction treatment that includes therapists that have specialized training in sex addiction recovery.

• Canadian Center on Substance Abuse. (2008). Canadian Centre on Substance Abuse. Retrieved May 2, 2011, from http://www.ccsa.ca/.

CCSA is a national organization advancing the knowledge and understanding in the field of substance abuse. There is a comprehensive database of various research in the field of substance abuse.

• Carnes, P. J. (2011). Sexual Addiction Screening Test. Retrieved July 5, 2011, from http://www.sexhelp.com/sast.cfm.

The Sexual Addiction Screening Test provides a quick way to assess if someone is struggling with sexually compulsive behaviour. There is no cost to using this online assessment.

• Discovery Communications LLC. (2011). Addicted: A Near Death Experience. Retrieved July 5, 2011, from http://tlc.discovery.com/videos/addicted-a-near-death-experience.html.

This is a video testimony by Kristina Wandzilak about her recovery from addiction and how she hit bottom. She describes her parents’ difficult decision to stop enabling her by refusing to take her into their home affected her recovery. Video is four minutes long.

• Norlien Foundation. (2007). The Norlein Foundation Library. Retrieved July 5, 2011, from http://www.norlien.org/index.php?p=library.

The Norlien Foundation is an organization in Alberta to be a catalyst for action and change to advance the understanding of childhood development and its impact on addiction and other negative health outcomes. The foundation has sponsored a variety of world-class experts in child development and addictions to various seminars and these seminars have been published in this video library.

• Public Health Agency of Canada. (2008). Substance Use/Addictions. Retrieved July 5, 2011, from http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/chn-rcs/saa-toxicomanie-eng.php?rd=substance_toxico_eng.

This is a government of Canada website providing information about drug and alcohol addictions. Additional links to other related websites such as Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, family violence, and tobacco addiction.

• Recovery Zone Services LLC. (2008). Sexual Addiction Risk Assessment (SARA). Retrieved July 5, 2011, from https://www.recoveryzone.com/tests/sex-addiction/SARA/index.html.

An assessment designed to help the recovering sex addict understand their behaviours and provide detailed and personalized report on a course of action. The profile provides information about the common behaviours and their associated risks with the particular type of addiction. This assessment costs $29.95 USD.

• Recovery Zone Services, LLC. (2008). Partner Sexuality Survey. Retrieved July 5, 2011, from https://www.recoveryzone.com/tests/sex-addiction/PSS/index.php.

Partner Sexuality Survey is part of a research study conducted by Dr. Stefanie Carnes to study the impact of sexual addiction on the partners of sex addicts. The survey provides brief report on the areas of sexuality that are impacted by the sex addiction. There is no cost for participation in this survey.

Books

• Beattie, M. (1992). Codependent No More: How to stop controlling others and start caring for yourself. Center City, MN: Hazelden.

Codependent No More is an excellent resource for both addicts and co-addicts as issues of control and self-care are addressed. Beattie provides insight on how to let go and accept life as it is.

• Carder, D., & Jaenicke, D. (1995). Torn Asunder: Recovering from extramarital affairs. Chicago, IL: Moody Publishers.

Torn Asunder details the underlying causes of extramarital affairs and the recovery process for couples. Not all extramarital affairs are a result of sexual addiction but spouses of sex addicts perceive the addictive behaviours to be just as traumatic and damaging as an extramarital affair. This book will provide valuable insight into recovery from both sexual addiction and extramarital affairs.

• Carnes, P. J. (1991). Donʼt call it love: Recovery from sexual addiction. New York, NY: Bantam Books.

Don’t Call it Love is an excellent resource about sexual addiction and co-addiction providing research information about some of the influences that contribute to sexual addiction. This book is useful for those who are struggling with any form of addiction or co-addiction as it provides helpful insight into pre-disposing factors of addiction and the similarities between addicts and co-addicts.

• Carnes, P. J. (1993). A Gentle Path Through the Twelve Steps: The classic guide for all people in the process of recovery. Center City, MN: Hazelden.

A Gentle Path Through the Twelve Steps is a workbook for both the addict and co-addict to work through the Twelve Steps. This workbook should not be completed on your own but should be worked through with another person such as a sponsor, therapist or support group.

• Carnes, P. (2001). Out of the shadows: Understanding sexual addiction (3rd ed.). Center City, MN: Hazelden.

Out of the Shadows is an easy to read book about sexual addictions. It neatly summarizes and encapsulates the issues concerning sexual addiction and co-addiction. It delves into the cultural, family and psychological origins of addiction.

• Carnes, P., Delmonico, D. L., Griffin, E., & Moriarity, J. M. (2001). In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior (2nd ed.). Center City, MN: Hazelden.

In the Shadows of the Net delves into the struggles people have with compulsive online sexual behaviour. In the Shadows of the Net describes how cybersex is integral, imposing, interactive, intoxicating, inexpensive and isolating. These six factors are what give cybersex its appeal and power to hook those who are emotionally and psychologically vulnerable. Helpful insight is provided about the arousal template and how understanding those templates can give insight into where the breakdown occurs in the courtship process.

• Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1992). Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, To Take Control of Your Life. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Boundaries is an excellent book about what relational boundaries are, how they are to be used and is helpful in understanding relationships. There is a balanced blend of theology and relational dynamics of boundary setting. The book is helpful in the addictive family that struggles with either extreme of rigid boundaries to no boundaries.

• Dayton, T. (2007). Emotional Sobriety: From Relationship Trauma to Resilience and Balance. Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications.

Emotional Sobriety is Dayton’s title for the process of recovery not only from addictive behaviours but recovery of emotional living. Addiction is marked by childhood abuse and trauma that leaves the addict without the tools and resources to emotionally regulate themselves. Emotional Sobriety provides insight into how to live with and process emotions without the extreme highs and lows.

• Frankl, V. E. (2006). Manʼs Search for Meaning. Boston, MA: Beacon Press.

Frankl is a survivor of the holocaust and he documents what differentiated survivors from the victims. He concluded that it was finding meaning in the midst of the suffering that helped him and other survivors to hold on to life despite the cruelty they all endured in the concentration camps. He is the founder of Logos therapy.

• Johnson, S. (2008). Hold me tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love. New York, NY: Little, Brown and Company.

Hold Me Tight is not about addictions or recovery but is about the role of emotions and how they interplay with our interpersonal relationships. The role of attachment and how to create healthy and nurturing relationships will be helpful not only for spousal relationships but in relationships with children. Questions such as intimacy and practical steps to creating intimacy are discussed in this book. This is a part of a therapy called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy.

• Maté, G. (2008). In the realm of hungry ghosts: close encounters with addiction. Toronto, ON: Vintage Canada.

In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts is a well-balanced book containing information about addiction and personal stories of how addiction has affected people’s lives. The details the neuro-biological aspects of addiction are explored as well as other environmental effects that pre-dispose people to addiction. Maté argues for the controversial policy of harm reduction.

• Schneider, J. P., & Schneider, B. (1991). Sex, Lies, and Forgiveness: Couples Speaking Out on Healing from Sex Addiction. USA: Hazelden.

Sex, Lies, and Forgiveness is a summary of the research by Schneider & Schneider on couples recovering from sexual addiction. Included are stories and experiences of how sex addiction has affected the couples’ relationship, emotional experience, and sexual functioning. There is a discussion about what is forgiveness and different perspectives on forgiveness by the various couples in recovery.

The Addiction Bubble

The World within the Fantasy

God

Creating the

Bubble

Community

Belief System

Belief System

• I am a bad, unworthy person

• No one would love me as I am

• My needs are never going to be met if I depend on others

• Sex and the addict not acting out is my most important sign of love (Carnes, 2001, pp. 123-141)

• I am a bad or unworthy person

• No one would love me as I am

• My needs are never going to be met if I depend on others

• Sex or the addiction is my most important need

(Carnes, 2001, pp. 15-29)

Impaired Thinking

Unmanageability

Unmanageability

Impaired Thinking

• Belief system distorts our reality

• Ignore the problem

• Blame others

• Minimize the problem

• Inability to manage consequences

• Isolation, loneliness

• Loss of relationships

• Loss of job and decrease in job performance

• Financial problems

• Violating personal values and beliefs

• Loss of spiritual connection and neglect of spiritual life

• Suicidal thoughts or attempts

• Disrupted eating and sleeping patterns

• Losses in life reinforce belief system

• Belief system distorts our reality

• Ignore the problem, rationalize and give reasons to ignore reality and feelings.

• Feelings of inadequacy over their own failings, they feel responsible for other people’s actions (grandiosity).

• Minimize the problem and deny there is a problem

• Inability to manage consequences of the addict’s behaviour

• Isolation, loneliness

• Neglect of spiritual life

• Loss of relationships

• Disrupted eating and sleeping patterns

• Loss of time on the job

• Decreased ability to function at work

• Conflicts with personal values or personal beliefs

• Suicidal thoughts or attempts

• Financial problems

• Take over addict’s responsibilities and duties

• Overextension or over involvement in work and outside activities

• Self-defeating or degrading behaviour to accommodate the addict’s behaviours

• Losses in life reinforce belief system

Addiction Cycle

Preoccupation

• Mental state that creates an obsessive search for sexual stimulation

• Trance

• People become objects to be scrutinized by the sexually obsessive filter

• Like the intoxication of a young courtship

• Significant relationships, needs and responsibilities are ignored

Co-Addiction Cycle

Despair

Ritualization

Preoccupation

• Special routines that intensifies the mental obsession and leads to the sexual behaviour

• Adds arousal and excitement

• Surfing the web for escort ads, cruising the streets just to look, driving to a different town to act out.

• Guilt

• Shame

• Fear

• Hopelessness

Family

• Mental state that creates an obsession of the addict’s behaviour, thinking and feelings

• Trance

• The addict become an object to be scrutinized by the obsessive filter

• Relationship to self, needs, personal values and responsibilities are ignored

Sexual Compulsivity

- Consummation of the mental obsession and rituals

- The sexual act that the addict is unable to control or stop

Despair

Ritualization

• Consummation of the mental obsession and rituals

• The sexual act that the addict is unable to control or stop

• Special routines that intensifies the mental obsession and leads to the co-addictive behaviour. Searching the home or computer for pornography, searching receipts for unusual expenses, and calling the addict to check up on where they are at and what they are doing.

• Adds feelings of being in control and reduces anxiety

• Feelings of guilt, shame, hoplessness when the addict acts out and having failed at controlling the addiction

Co-addictive

behaviour

• Consummation of the mental obsession and rituals

• The behaviours that the co-addict is unable to control or stop

• Enabling to protect addict and family from consequences, keeping silent from personal concerns, covering up for the addict’s unmanageability, and taking responsibility for the addict’s consequences.

• Keeping the secret of the addiction and mental illness

• Controlling the addict using sex as a punishment or reward, retaliating against the addict by having sex with others, being sexual with the addict in order to prevent him or her from having sex with others

• Blame and judgement of the addict as the source of all the family’s problems

Leaving the Bubble

The Addiction

Bubble

The Other

Bubble

Group Exercise - Motivational Balance of Addiction – 30 minutes

Pros

Cons

Addiction

Self

Recovery

Group Discussion – Reflecting on the testimonies 30 minutes

Let’s share some of answers we have and I will chart it on the flip chart.

What are some of the underlying needs and motivations that we can see from this exercise?

How can some of the underlying needs be met in a healthy and legitimate way?

Watch the videos:

http://tlc.discovery.com/videos/addicted-a-near-death-experience.html (Discovery Communications LLC, 2011) (Video is not available anymore)

• The Addiction Bubble - CJ and Linda Testimony.wmv (“Celebrate Recovery: Testimonies to Go Volumes 1 and 2, CJ and Linda,” 2010)

• What feelings did you have as you watched the two stories?

• What were some of your thoughts about the testimonies?

• Has your thinking changed about addiction and co-addiction and in what way?

• Recovery is not simple, it is complex

• Childhood trauma, neglect, abuse, neurological deficits, distorted belief system

• Addiction destroys intimacy and relationship

• No one treatment will work for every family

• Individual counselling and family therapy

• Inpatient and outpatient treatment

• 12 Step support groups and other support groups

• Medication

• Church or other spiritual practices

• Creating a community or family of recovery

Specific Addictive Behaviours

• Sex

• Drugs

• Alcohol

• Food

Addictive

System

• Feelings

• Thoughts

• Beliefs

• Motivations

• Yearnings

Powerlessness is the inability to control the addiction, circumstances, other people or stop our feelings

Mood Swings – elated when acting out and depressed or angry when withdrawn

Relaxing

A warm hug

Crack is like a 10 minute orgasm

Food

Alcohol

Zone Out

Outside the

Bubble

Gambling

Escape

Numbing

Don't Think

Don't Feel

Addiction is a pathological relationship with a mood-altering substance or experience with life damaging consequences.

Sex

Drugs

Stress reliever

It can be a chemical or behaviour that alters your feelings