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Transcript of Managing Conflict
S + ..... = R
Understanding conflict styles
People have different styles in how they respond to conflict, and their styles can vary depending on their level of emotional investment in the issue at hand or their power relationship with the other party to the conflict.
The different conflict styles are commonly defined as incorporating concern for self and concern for others in varying degrees:
There are only 3 outcomes to conflict
What is good about it?
What’s not good about it?
How does it show up here?
How would I like to be when conflict occurs?
Between the Stimulus and Response, there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our Response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
… I began to discover in that space my own ability to make a consciously chosen response.
S. Covey “First Things First”
v’s reactive responses
S + T = R
People form 60-80%
of their initial opinion of a person in less than 4 minutes
Halfway between aggressive and passive
Assertive communication is the ability to express positive and negative ideas and feelings in an open, honest and direct way
It recognizes our rights whilst still respecting the rights of others
It allows us to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions without judging or blaming other people
And it allows us to constructively confront and find a mutually satisfying solution where conflict exists
What assertive communication
It's NOT a guarantee that you will get what you want
It's definitely NOT an acceptable style of communication with everyone, but at least it's NOT being aggressive
But it IS about choice
demonstrates interest, shows sincerity
congruent body language will improve the significance of the message
appropriate gestures help to add emphasis
a level, well modulated tone is more convincing and acceptable, and is not intimidating
use your judgement to maximise receptivity and impact
how, where and when you choose to comment is probably more important than WHAT you say
There are six main characteristics of
Importance of “I” statements
Part of being assertive involves the ability to appropriately express your needs and feelings.
You can accomplish this by using "I" statements.
These indicate ownership, do not attribute blame, focuses on behaviour, identifies the effect of behaviour, is direct and honest, and contributes to the growth of your relationship with each other.
Listening – People seek value
Listening provides an ever present access to value
Listen to the content
Listen for underlying causes or relationships
Listen with all your senses simultaneously
Ask questions that reflect active listening and an understanding of the other person's perspective
Ask questions that evoke discovery, commitment or action
- agree on purpose,
- describe current situation uncover real issues
- draw out all possible solutions select preferred solution/s
- discuss way forward, agreements
Some basic ground rules for effective communication when resolving differences are:
Listen without interrupting
Approach concerns as "us against the problem" not as "me against you"
Present concerns in a factual manner, by stating what has happened, how you feel about the situation and what you would like to happen in the future
Separate the people from the problem
Show a genuine desire to understand the other person's point of view
Acknowledge the other person's views and opinions
Seek to agree on a desired end outcome and then explore alternative options to achieve this end
If emotions flare up agree to reschedule another time to talk, and
If you get stuck at a point and cannot move on agree to seek assistance to resolve your concerns.
Important things to consider when you are one of the parties in conflict are:
Take ownership and responsibility for your part in the conflict
Identify your emotional triggers and make a conscious decision to keep your emotions in check
State clearly what you believe the problem to be and how you feel about it
Express your interests and concerns assertively
Listen to the other's position without interrupting
Generate solutions openly and inclusively
Make a time to check how things are going in the near future
Seek further assistance and advice to better support your efforts, and
Look after yourself
Communication do's and don'ts
show concern and encouragement (e.g.. "I'm concerned that you feel that way ...")
express empathy (e.g.. "I understand how that might make you feel...")
ask open-ended questions ("Tell me about that"... "What was that like?")
acknowledge and validate each position
allow time for each person to have their say
receive the whole message before reacting, and
summarize and paraphrase, helping each person to express their needs (e.g.. "What I hear you saying is ... is that correct?").
do not display impatience and defensiveness, even if you feel this way
do not act as if nothing is the matter
do not judge
do not deny the feelings of others
do not argue the feelings of others
do not try to solve the problem too quickly, and
do not assume sole responsibility to fix the problem.
De escalation High Conflict Situations (HCS)
Understanding the needs and feelings of parents that fuel HCS
Understanding ….. Staff
Acre Woods Policies and Procedures – appropriate conduct and staff and child safety
“Things do not change
- Henry David Thoreau