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Zombies can't use commas, but you can.

A guide to mastering the comma without meeting your death.
by

Karen Blaak

on 21 September 2014

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Transcript of Zombies can't use commas, but you can.

Zombie Fred and Comma Ted Present...
Comma Survival Tactics
Zombie Fred has brown hair, a bloody mouth
,

and mismatched eyes. He is lookin` good.
Rule #1:
Use a comma to separate items in a series of three or more and one preceding AND.
Fred dreams of a
fresh
,
lovely
flower to give Ted.
Rule #2:
Commas replace "and" between two adjectives
To start a fire
, be sure not to use butterflies as kindling.
Rule #3:
Use a comma after introductory words.
Rule #4:
Use commas to set off parenthetical elements.
Fred drank hemlock, but he survived because he was already dead.
Rule #5:
A comma separates two complete sentences joined by conjunctions.
Comma Ted,
who likes Zombie Fred only for his
bulging eye
, bought Fred a goldfish for
his deathday.
Rule #6:
Use a comma to set off a phrase that offers more information about the noun before it.
Because Fred and Ted were such good friends
, they went to Paris together.
Rule #7:
Use a comma to separate an
incomplete clause
from the sentence that FOLLOWS it.
SO, NEVER use a comma....
Ted gets offended when people use him incorrectly.
Zombie Fred,
even with his blood-stained shirt
,
was able to go to the ball.
and, but, or, yet, nor, so, for
to separate a verb from its subject or object
before the first or after the last item in a list
BEFORE:
Ted secretly likes, brains, toenails, and eyelashes for supper.
AFTER: Brains, toenails, and eyelashes, are what Ted likes for supper.
to separate an adjective from the noun it describes.
Fred lives in a mysterious, tree with a magical, fairy.
after conjunctions
Fred slipped on the banana peel and, landed on his bum.
after "although"
to separate two sentences
Preach it. A comma before AND will save you from the zombie apocalypse.
Zombie Fred has
and
.
A fresh, lovely flower. Thanks, Ted.
Oh, Fred.
Fred! Even with your bloodstained shirt, I still love you!
Woot. Both for her comma and her love of that sorry kid.
I do not care,
for I know he was already dead.
I knew you,
of all zombies
, would like this gift.
Who wrote that!? FRED likes brain, toenails, and eyelashes.
Fred
,
broke
a tooth on an eyeball.
subject
verb
No.
Wrong. And wrong.
Do NOT put me here.
Although, there was enough air in the chamber, Fred thought he would suffocate anyway.
Bad form.
Interesting form.
Fred had a great idea, he bought his own goat.
I am Ruffles, and I am the most comma correct goat around.
Finally! An intellectual. No offense, Fred.
Blarg, blarg blarggle blarggledy blarg, blar blarg bl.
By Karen Blaak
Full transcript