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crucial conversations 1

Chapters 1 - 4

Rebecca Peterson

on 20 October 2014

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Transcript of crucial conversations 1

Intro - Chapter 3
The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
- George Bernard Shaw
Conversations have 3 characteristics
Jurrasic Sales Call
When it matters the most, we tend to do our worst.

What do you think the root cause of most
human problems is?

What's a Crucial Conversation?
Write down 3 things . . .
1. Opposing Opinions
2. High Stakes
3. Strong Emotions
How would you handle this Crucial Conversation?
How do people typically handle
crucial conversations?
Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When the Stakes are High
"The root cause of many - if not most- human problems lies in how people behave when others disagree with them about high stakes, emotional issues."

- Kerry Patterson
We are designed wrong
- biologically
We are under pressure
We're stumped
So, what do we do now?
- Create a pool of shared meaning
- my idea/ yours
Learn dialogue Skills
Step 1: Start with Heart
Speak when you are angry
and you will make the best speech you will ever regret
- Ambrose Bierce

1. Work on me first,
us second
What motive might affect Melanie's ability to stay in dialogue?
Focus on what
you Really WANT
Ask yourself:
What do I really want for myself?
For others?
For the relationship?
How would I behave if this were what I REALLY wanted?
3. Refuse the Fool's Choice
Are you telling yourself
that you must choose between
peace and honesty?
Search for the "And"

Clarify what you don't want, add it to what you do want and search for options
3 characteristics of a crucial conversation
First step in holding a crucial conversation: "Start with heart"
Think of a conversation you either need to have, have had, or are avoiding . . . a crucial conversation. Write it down.
When do these conversations tend to occur?
we act in self-defeating ways

ex. the dishwasher/Wii
what are the 3 parts of "Start with Heart?"
1. Work on Me first, us

2. Ask yourself what
you really want.

3. Refuse the fool's choice
Practice these skills in conversation triads.

Divide into triads:
Person # 1 = coach on 1st 3 skills,
# 2 conversation participant
#3 conversation participant with a bias/inside information
Take scenario card. #2 and coach review the card. Don't share with #3.
#3, take a position/bias card. Don't share information with coach or #2.

Coach, prompt. 2&3, role play for 3 min.
rotate roles. Coach becomes #2, #2 becomes #3, and#3 becomes the coach.
Switch cards with another triad and begin again.

After everyone is done, reflect on the process you just went through. What did you learn? What was hard? Easy?
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