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Aphrodite's Dangerous Infatuation with Meddling in the Affairs of Mortals for Love and the Inevitable and Highly-Destructive Consequences

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S Kelly

on 20 January 2017

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Transcript of Aphrodite's Dangerous Infatuation with Meddling in the Affairs of Mortals for Love and the Inevitable and Highly-Destructive Consequences

Aphrodite's Dangerous Infatuation with Meddling in the Affairs of Mortals for Love
In order to help Jason on his quest for the Golden Fleece, Hera and Athena went to Aphrodite for help. Aphrodite convinced her son, Eros, to shoot an arrow at Medea, the princess of Colchis. In her love for Jason, she helped him steal the Fleece from her father.
the consequences
Jason did not love her back and soon left her when his quest was completed. As a result, she went on screaming rampage and murdered their two children. Such a good wife.
Pygmalion was a lonely old recluse of a man. But he was also horny, so he set off to sculpt the perfect woman. Aphrodite felt bad that he had to give his affections to a piece of stone, so she brought it to life.
the consequences
Well, the consequences aren't so direct, but it was Aphrodite who forced the Propoetides into prostitution, so Pygmalion's desperation is basically her fault to begin with. Also, the statue began to be pretty upset with her marriage.
LADIES, LADIES, YOU'RE ALL GORGEOUS. CAN WE GO HOME NOW? Aphro, Hera and Athena were stuck in the middle of a fight over which was the most beautiful, so they decided to consult the beautiful mortal Paris. Excellent choice. After some bribing, the contest was won fair and square, as fair as contests could be back then, by Aphro.
the consequences
But see, she bribed him with the love of Helen, the most beautiful woman in the land. The only problem was, she was already married. (I would say bummer, but Aphro helped set them up). That didn't stop her from running away with him to Troy though, which consequently started the Trojan war. Always the best way to settle things. But even after the war she returned Helen to Menelaus, so WHAT WAS EVEN THE POINT???
Hippomenes was desperate for the love of Atalanta, who was one heck of a runner. She challenged her suitors to a race: they won her hand by beating her, and if they lost, they would also lose their heads. So Aphro gifted him with three golden apples to distract her with (OOH SHINY) so he could win the race. He did.
the consequences
Butt he forgot to thank her. That scoundrel. Aphro felt a worthy punishment was possessing Hippomenes to do the do with Atalanta in a hidden ancient temple. This was a big no-no. Bit not good. But she knew dat lolz which is why she done it, see. They were turned to lions, which the Greeks believed didn't mate within their species. Good luck getting laid now, mate.
So this hunk of a man, Adonis, was born from a tree. Yeah, a tree. And Aphro thought he was so great, so she locked him in a chest and gave him to Persephone for save keeping. But Seph thought he was pretty great too, so they wound up asking Zeus for help.
Now here's where it gets juicy. See, after Haephestus was cast from Olympus by his mother, he bound her in a golden throne as punishment. She offered Aphro's hand in marriage as incentive to let her go. Aphro reluctantly agreed, but she was already in love with Ares, which caused some problems as you can imagine.
the consequences
On many occasions, Aphro would bring Ares to bed when her hubby was away. One of these times, Heph was informed by Helios, and he set up a trap beforehand. As A+A lay down to do the do, they were ensnared in magical chains and were caught in the act. As punishment to Helios, she made him fall in love with a mortal woman and ultimately bring her demise. Heph was still jealous, though, and cursed A+A's daughter, Harmonia, and all her descendents with a cursed necklace.
Narcissus was a charming young lad who enchanted many with his dashing good looks. Men and women alike flocked to him and his beauty. But he rejected them all. All of them. He mocked Echo, who was cursed to repeat only the last words she heard, and others, who prayed to Aphrodite for help. She made Cissy fall in love with his own reflection. How nice.
the consequences
He kind of deserved it and all, but nothing good really came of it. He eventually turned into a daffodil, but poor Echo was still doomed to her fate and she eventually withered away to nothing more than an echo.
and the inevitable and highly-destructive consequences
for jason
for paris
for pygmalion
for hippomenes
by shannon kelly
and hephaestus
Dis chick was fine. So fine that men preferred worshiping her over the goddess. In her jealousy, Aphrodite sent Eros to make her fall in love with some ugly dude.
the consequences
Eros fell in love with her instead, and he fled her when she found out his true identity. Psyche would search for her lover for months before she would seek the help of Aphrodite. Already upset at her beauty and her relationship with Eros, she sent her on a series of grueling tasks and tried to make her life as miserable as possible.
and cupid
Hippolytos was a nice boy, a prince from southern Greece. But like many pretentious men of the upper class in those days, he denied the worship of Aphro. Who needs love when you've got money? As a result, Aphro made his mother, Phaedra, fall in love with him.
the consequences
Phaedra was rejected, and in her lust-driven anger she went and snitched to her husband, Theseus. She claimed Hippolytos had raped her, and Theseus had him cursed and killed.
Scylla, the snake woman on the cliff that snatches sailors to their deaths was cursed so when she betrayed her father, which happened on account of Aphro making her fall in love.

The women of Lemnos, for their lack of worship, were cursed with bad BO, causing their husbands to run away with other women. In their jealous anger, the women murdered them all.

The sirens were once beautiful river nymphs, but they scorned Aphro and thus were transformed into weird bird things.

The minotaur was born of Pasiphae, who was cursed to love a bull for neglecting worship.

oh, yes. others.
Nerites, a sea god, was turned into a shellfish when he refused to accompany Aphro to Olympus.

Pan was punished with unrequited love for Echo after naming Achilles the winner of another beauty contest. Achilles was turned into an ugly shark.

A king, Glaukos, tried to prevent his horses from mating. Aphro made them tear him to pieces.

Zeus got pretty mad, too, that Aphro was running around doing all these love spells, so he made HER fall in love with a petty mortal, Anchises, who fathered Aeneas.
Aphro is responsible for the detrimental fate of many others:
The king of Sparta, Tyndareus, got a really bad hand when he neglected the worship of Aphro. She cursed all his daughters to infidelity and his twin sons died young. He wife, Leda, committed suicide.
oh damn he's
what the hell did you do legolas
lol loser
the consequences
And omg, DRAMA ENSUED. Zeus's chosen judge, Calliope, took the Persephone approach and suggested that he spend half his time with each goddess. Not the answer Aphro was looking for. Callie suffered for her wrongdoing. This was sending the women of Thrace on a wild love frenzy to rip her son Orpheus limb from limb. On several instances, others became aware of Aphro's love for Donny: Clio, who in turn was forced to love a mortal; Herakles, who had a crush on him as well and suffered when Aphro helped the centaur Nessos trick his bride Deianiera into killing Herc; and Erymanthos, who was punished and later got revenge by killing Donny himself. His death could also be attributed to a jealous Ares.

Donny's mother, the tree, was actually turned so b/c of Aphro. She was forced to fall in love with her father, and after he found out his secret lover of the night was his daughter, he meant to kill her, but the gods took pity and turned her into a tree.
bae wait
my blood
is magic
k thnx
do it
so clingy
mom why
mm gurl
whos ur daddy
stahp plz
notice me senpai
hide yo kids
hide yo wife
he's climbin in yo windows
snatchin yo fleeces up
omg perf
back off he's mine
pew pew
i got dis
u are
auricula here
to steal ya boi
im out
creepy voyeurism
in full armor
y u neked
i thot we was good brah
You say you're fine, I know you better than that. Hey, whatchu doing with a girl like that?

If she's here, its oh so clear, I'm where I'm meant to be.

Don't you ever say I just walked away, I will always love you.

Yes I would die for you baby, but you won't do the same.

Even now when we were already over, I can't help myself from looking for you.

I don't know why you're being shy and turn away when I look into your eyes.

Talk about our future like we had a clue. Never planned that one day I'd be losing you.

She made your heart melt but you're cold to the core, now rumour has it she ain't got your love anymore.

Guess the song!!
Full transcript