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Social Health

Active Listening, Passive Aggressive, Anger Management

Tom Caruso

on 23 October 2017

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Transcript of Social Health

Social Health
Active Listening
Anger Management
Don't lose your cool
1. Give the speaker your undivided attention.
2. Ask questions that help clarify the speakers needs, concerns and viewpoint
3. Reflect back on the speaker’s feelings or thoughts to show you understand and they can hear themselves.
4. Acknowledge you are listening through verbal and non-verbal signs.
Active Listening Skills
Experts say that about two-thirds of everything you learn, you learn through listening. Yet, very few people are good listeners. "The average person remembers only about 25 percent of what he or she hears, and some people remember as little as 10 percent. The problem is that while hearing is incredibly easy, listening takes a real effort."

What is the difference between hearing and listening?
Why is listening important?
We assume we know what is being communicated
We are thinking about our response instead of listening
We allow moments of awkward silence to force responses
We are competitive and defensive by nature
Common Listening Errors
How many drew three lines?
Any such thing as a mama bull?
How many people drew a big line, medium line, and a small line?
Did you make some assumptions about size?
Draw what I tell you to…..
A well-liked college teacher had just completed making up the final examinations and had turned off the lights in the office. Just then a tall, dark, broad figure appeared and demanded the examination. The professor opened the drawer. Everything in the drawer was picked up and the individual ran down the corridor. The dean was notified immediately.
The written story
7. The man who opened the drawer was the professor.
8. The professor ran down the corridor.
9. The drawer was never actually opened.
10. In this report three persons are referred to.
1. The thief was tall, dark, and broad.
2. The professor turned off the lights.
3. A tall figure demanded the examination.
4. The examination was picked up by someone.
5. The examination was picked up by the professor.
6. A tall, dark figure appeared after the professor turned off the lights in the office.
Social Health Unit
Active Listening

1. Don’t defend yourself now just listen
2. Deal with emotions first by reflecting back
3. Legitimize their feelings
4. Gently explore to see if there is more
5. Move toward options for change or solutions

Active Listening Skills When Dealing With Conflict
Active listening is a set of skills that can be used to help both the listener and the speaker get beyond the words being used and focused on the actual issue at hand.
Active Listening
What did they do?
Have you ever been talking to someone & you felt like they were not listening to you?
“Who did it?”
Listen to the the story I am about to read to you. Afterward I am going to give you 10 true/false questions. Answer true if the statement is definitely true, false if it is definitely false, and ? if the statement may be true or false.
Test Your Listening
Health issues related to different styles of communication
Aggressive style communication involves overreaction, blaming and criticizing. Aggressive people try to get their way through bullying, intimidating or even violence. They do not consider the rights, needs or desires of others.
“I hope you don’t want to sit around the house and watch TV tonight you loser!”
Passive communication involves the inability or unwillingness to express thoughts and feelings. Passive people will do something they don’t want to do or make up an excuse rather than say how they honestly feel.
Passive communicators often use questions to determine what others want before they address their own needs.
“What do you want to do tonight?”
Social Health
Assertive Communication
Components of an “I” message
Should reinforce what the speaker is saying with their words.
If the messages don’t match-up, which do you generally believe?
Body movements
Facial expressions
Can you demonstrate a passive, aggressive or an assertive non-verbal message?
Assertive Communication Strategies
 become alienated from those around them
remain stuck in a position of powerlessness
discharge resentment while real issues are never addressed so they can't mature
Passive-Aggressive and your health
Experience excessive amounts of conflict
Difficulty establishing relationships
Excessive amounts of stress
Aggressive Communication and Your Health

Bottled up emotions
Never meet your needs and wants
Difficulty establishing meaningful relationships
Difficulty meeting goals
Passive Communication and Your Health
a style in which individuals appear passive on the surface but are really acting out anger in a subtle, indirect, or behind-the-scenes way.
mutter to themselves rather than confront the person or issue
use sarcasm
appear cooperative while purposely doing things to annoy and disrupt
Say yes… mean no…
Do worksheet as a class
Can You “Recognize Reactions?”
Assertive people use “I statements” to say what they want or need and are capable of saying “no” in a way that helps them maintain relationships.
“Tonight I would like to go the movies, what do you want to do? No, I don’t want to stay home, but if you want to I can go to the movies with another friend.”
Assertive communication involves standing up for oneself. Assertive people will say what they think and stand-up for their beliefs while attempting not to hurt others.
“I would like to go to the movies tonight. What would you like to do?”
How Assertive are You?
Are you an assertive, aggressive, or passive communicator?
Identify yourself as one of the three communication types above and write a few sentences that prove this to be true (provide a specific story).
Next, join with the other people in our class who have identified themselves as having the same communication style as you. In your group, have each person share why they think they are a(n) ___________.
Finally, discuss as a class what each group identified as some common personality traits or actions of each communication style.
Remember, effective communication involves more than just the exchange of words.
Assertive Communication Strategies
Skill 3 - Be open to changing your position based on new information and changed attitudes.
Does it benefit or effect a larger group (family, community)
Look at the big picture
Examine the future
Skill 3
Understanding that there will not always be a winner, but instead both parties will come to an understanding.
Skill 1
Remember conflict, like anger, isn’t necessarily bad; how people respond to conflict is what makes it bad or good.

What are some possible outcomes that are a result of conflict?

Which are positive and which are negative?
Results of conflict?
Student answers….
Three important causes of conflict
Why does conflict arise?
Fight, battle or war
A competitive or opposing action of incompatibles
Discord of action, feeling, or effect; antagonism or opposition, as of interests or principle
What is conflict?
Acting out
Anger Styles
Can you recognize when you are angry and take the appropriate steps to make an appropriate and healthy response?
Guiding questions
1. Establish ground rules
Only one person may speak at a time
Both parties must speak with a normal voice
The conversation will not end until both parties have come to an understanding
The conversation stays here
Both parties should identify the problem from their points of view.
List or discuss all possible solutions to the conflict.
Discuss and eliminate the solutions they cannot accept.
Evaluate the solutions which are left.
Choose the solution most acceptable to both parties.
Negotiation Skills

What if you have tried the steps taught earlier and the conflict is still not resolved? Furthermore, this is someone whom you must see each day and maintain some sort of relationship with?
Go to someone for mediation
Healthy Responses to Anger
Attack the problem, not the person.
Stay focused on the actual issue.
This is why it is important to address all issues as they arise. Do not wait and keep them inside!
Skill 4
Is changing your mind or opinion a sign of weakness in our culture?
In your opinion, is changing your mind a sign of weakness?
Can you give an example?
Skill 3
Recognize and accept the other individual’s differences!!!!!!!!

Skill 2
Resolving conflict involves using a set of skills that can be learned and practiced.
Conflict Resolution Skills.
Conflict is an internal or external struggle that exists between multiple people or inside of one person.

1. Conflict does not have to be a physical outburst.
2. In fact, it does not even have to involve a verbal exchange.
3. Conflict can often be most harmful when it is silent.
4. Conflict can often times produce positive outcomes if dealt with properly.
Conflict is…
Now that you have calmed down, how can you deal with your feelings or resolve the conflict?
Healthy Responses to Anger
Watch a movie.
Use humor to ease the tension.
Suggest talking about the conflict later giving both parties time to calm down.
Calming Down
Brainstorm the following question:
When you learn to recognize your anger signals, what can you do to calm down?
Count to ten
Take deep breaths
Walk away
Talk to someone you trust
Calming Down
Brainstorm the following question:

Are there “signs” (either in your behavior or physical reactions) which would indicate you are becoming angry?
Recognizing Our Anger
Even though anger is a normal emotion, we must remember the three steps to managing our anger:
learn to recognize when we are angry
calm down
respond in a healthy way when we experience anger
Managing Our Anger

Listen to music.
Take a walk.
Write a letter to the person with whom you are angry explaining why you are angry, and throw the letter away.
Punch a soft inanimate object (pillow).
Calming Down
Anger signals may include:
Clenching teeth
Sweaty palms
Becoming impatient
Upset stomach
Face becomes red
Muscles become tense
Hands become shaky
Elevated Heart Rate
Increased Energy
Increased Blood Pressure
Recognizing Our Anger
What are some negative events which can happen when an angry person loses control?
Student Answers
They say things they later regret.
They get into a physical fight.
They hurt someone’s feelings.
They hurt themselves (Example: hitting the wall or a locker).
They break things.
Anger Management
Anger is an emotion we all feel. It is how we handle this strong emotion which determines whether it is a healthy or unhealthy response.
Anger Management
Anger Management, Conflict Resolution and Mediation
Take a second and list in your notes
Which type of communicator do you think you are?

Answer questions 1-80
Add up totals
Debate your style vs. others
Communication styles
Full transcript