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Transcript of 7 Habits
Presentation by Robin Rush The Seven Healthy Habits of
Highly Effective Teens The Seven Effective Habits What's a paradigm? A paradigm is the perception
of the way things are The Private Victory The Personal Bank Account Habit One Habit Two Habit Four Habit Five Habit Seven The Set up Be proactive Take responsibility for your life Begin with the end in mind Define your mission and goals in life Habit Three Put first things first Prioritize, and do the most important things first Think win-win Have an everyone-can-win attitude Seek first to understand, then to be understood Listen to people sincerely Habit Six Synergize Work together to achieve more Sharpen the saw Renew yourself regularly [pair-a-dime] Paradigms are like glasses. When you have incomplete paradigms about yourself or life, it's like wearing glasses with the wrong prescription. Paradigms of Life Friend Centered Stuff Centered Boyfriend/Girlfriend Centered School Centered Parent Centered Paradigms of Self Are your paradigms of yourself helping or hindering you? Just as negative self-paradigms can put limitations on us, positive self-paradigms can bring out the best in us Paradigms of Others We also have paradigms about other people Seeing things from a different point of view can help us understand why other people act the way they do. We too often judge people without having all the facts. Paradigms about life in general You can usually tell what your paradigm of life is by asking yourself, "what is the driving force in my life?" Friends are important but should never be your center. Make as many friends as you want but don't build your life on them. It's an unstable foundation. We live in a material world. There is nothing wrong with accomplishing and enjoying our stuff, but we should never center our lives on thing, which have no lasting value. If you center your life around your significant other, when they leave you will feel like you have no happiness left in your life When you become obsessed with getting good grades, you forget that the real purpose of school is to learn. When your parents become the center of your life, you focus all of your energy in pleasing them, you tend to lose focus of what you want in life. Principle Centered You should center your parents, school, work, boyfriend or girlfriend, sports, hobbies, friends, enemies, heroes, and yourself around principles Principle Centered The Real Thing What should be your center? Starting with the Man in the Mirror Principles are things like honesty and respect. Principles never fail you. Paradigms and Principles The Seven Defective Habits What are habits anyway? A habit is a settled or regular tendency or practice, esp. one that is hard to give up The Seven Habits
Of Highly Defective
Teens Habit One Habit Two Habit Four Habit Five Habit Seven The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens React Blame all your problems on other people. Be a victim. Act like an animal. Begin With No End In Mind Don't have a plan. Don't make goals. Don't worry about the consequences. Party and get wasted because tomorrow you might die. Habit Three Put First Things Last Procrastinate. Make sure you do the unimportant things first Think Win-Lose Make sure you always win. Never let anyone else do that, because that means you lose. Life is a vicious competition. Seek First to Talk, Then Pretend to Listen The world revolves around you. You were born with a mouth, so use it. Habit Six Don't Cooperate You have the best ideas anyway. You're better off doing everything yourself, teamwork sucks. Wear Yourself Out Be so busy with life that you never take time to renew or improve yourself The Seven Habits Can Help You Get control of your life Improve your relationships
with you friends Make smarter decisions Get along with you parents Overcome addiction Define your values and what matters most to you Get more done in less time Increase your self confidence Be happy Find balance between school,
work, friends, and everything else Habit 1: Be Proactive I am the force Habit 2: Begin With the End In Mind Control your own destiny, or someone else will Habit 3: Put First Things First Will and won't power PBA Withdrawls PBA Deposits The PBA The Personal Bank Account [ Personal Bank Account ] How you feel about yourself is like a bank account, Just like a checking or savings account at a bank, you can make deposits and withdrawals from your PBA Keep promises to yourself
Do small acts of kindness
Be gentle with yourself
Tap into your talents Break personal promises
Keep to yourself
Beat yourself up
Wear yourself out
Neglect your talents Proactive or Reactive Listen to your language The Victimitus Virus It Pays to be Proactive We Can Control Only One Thing Turning setbacks into triumphs Rising above abuse Becoming a
change agent Growing your
proactive muscles Can-Do Just Push Pause Human Tools
In Action The choice is yours Reactive people make choices based on impulse. They are like a can of soda. They get a little shaken up and they explode. Proactive people make choices based on values. They think before they act. Reactive people say things like "I can't" and "That's just the way I am" Proactive people say things like "I can do better than that" and "There's gotta be a way' People with victimitis believe the world is against them and everyone has it in for them Most reactive people suffer from vitimitis. Proactive people are a different breed Proactive people are not easily offended, take responsibility for their choices, think before they act, bounce back when something bad happens, always find a way to make it happen, and focus on things they can something about, and don't worry about things they can't We can't control everything that happens to us. We can't control the color of our skin or much tuition will be, but there is one thing we can control. We control how we respond to what happens to us. Picture two circles... Circle of Control Choices Responses Ourselves Attitudes Circle of No Control Color of skin Cost of
tutition Weather Past mistakes Parents Rude
comments Location of
birth Sometimes life throws you under the bus. Life isn't always fair, but it is your job to make the best of your situations, instead of wallowing in self pity. One of the hardest things to cope with is abuse. If you have been abused, it is not your fault. It is important to talk to someone you trust about what you are dealing with. It is one of the first steps in the healing process. Bad habits like abuse, alcoholism, and welfare dependency can often be passed down from parent to child. If you are in this situation, it is your job to break the cycle. You can take responsibility for your life and stay away from sticky situations. By growing proactive muscles, you change from a reactive state of mind to a proactive state of mind. If you think can-do, you can accomplish a lot. To reach your goals in life, you must seize the initiative. Sometimes life is moving so fast that we instantly react to everything out of sheer habit. If you can learn to pause, get control, and think about how you want to respond, you'll make smarter decisions. Using things like imagination, conscience, and willpower, we can choose whether to rise to challenges or be conquered by them Begin With the End In Mind What it means Beginning with the end in mind is envisioning the final product before you start the process to get there. Like reading a recipe before baking a cake. The Crossroads of Life In your life you have to choose paths to take, like: Do you want to go to college?
Should you try out for the team?
Will you join a gang?
Who will you date?
Will you have sex before marriage?
Will you drink?
Will you do drugs?
What values will you choose?
What will you stand for? A Personal
Mission Statement So if it's important to have an end in mind, how do you do it? One of the best ways is to write a personal mission statement. It will help open your eyes to what's really important to you. Uncovering Your Talents An important part of developing a personal mission statement is discovering what you're good at. Everyone has a talent, a gift, or something they do well. Three Watch-Outs Watch Out #1 Wrong Wall "It's All Over" Syndrome As you strive to begin with the end in mind, watch out for roadblocks. Negative Labels Labels are an ugly form of prejudice. Humans are too complex to be neatly shelved into a category. Remember, you are not your labels. Watch Out #2 If you make a mistake, it is not the end of the world. It's never over. If you've made mistakes, you're just a normal human. Watch Out #3 Have you ever worked really hard to get something you wanted, only to find that when you got it you felt empty inside? Make sure you ladder in life is leaning against the right wall. Go For The Goal Once you have your mission in place, you will want to set goals. Goals are more specific. Here are five keys to setting goals. Key No. 1 Key No. 2 Key No. 3 Key No. 4 Count the Cost Don't make commitments to yourself you know you're going to break, because you'll take withdrawals from your personal bank account. Put it in Pen Writing forces you to be specific, which is very important in goal setting. Just Do It! Once we are fully committed to doing a task, our power to complete it will increase. Use Momentous Moments Certain moments in life contain momentum and power. The key is to harness these moments for goal setting. Key No. 5 Rope Up You'll accomplish more in life if you borrow strength from others. Make Your Life Extraordinary Life is short. Since your destiny is yet to be determined, why not make it extraordinary and leave a lasting legacy? Packing More Into Your Life Not Important & Not Urgent Urgent & Important Not Important & Urgent Important & Not Urgent The better you organize yourself, the more you'll be able to pack into your life. Life is made of two main ingredients, important & urgent. Combinations of these two categorize us into four time quadrants. The Procrastinator Exam tomorrow
Friend gets injured
Late for work
Project due tomorrow
Car breaks down The Prioritizer Planning, goal setting
Essay due in a week
Relaxations The Yes-Man Unimportant phone calls
Other people's small problems
Peer pressure The Slacker Too much TV
Endless phone calls
Excessive computer games
Time wasters Plan Weekly Step 1 Identify Your Big Rocks Block Out Time for Your Big Rocks Step 2 Step 3 Take fifteen minutes each week to plan your week and just watch what a difference it can make Ask yourself, "what are you the most important things I need to do this week?" During your weekly planning, block out time for your big rocks by booking them in your planner. Schedule Everything Else Once you have your big rocks booked, schedule in all of your other little to-dos, daily tasks, and appointments. The Other Half The Comfort Zone
and the Courage Zone Comfort Zone Courage Zone Never Let Your Fears
Make Your Decisions Time management isn't all there is to Habit 3. The other half is learning to overcome fear and peer pressure. Putting your first things first takes courage and will often cause you to stretch outside your comfort zone. Things I enjoy to do Relaxation Safety & Security Ease Things I'm
accustomed to Surety Freedom from risk Things I'm afraid of Things I've never tried Risk Hard moments Ultimate potential Bravery Unexplored territory Things that are difficult Opportunity Higher duty Adventure Next time you want to make a new friend, or audition for a play, just got for it. Even if all your fears and doubts are screaming NO, don't listen to them. You make your own decisions. The Common Ingredient of Success Discipline Putting first things first takes discipline. It takes discipline to manage your time. It takes discipline to overcome your fears. It takes discipline to resist peer pressure. The Public Victory The Relationship Bank Account The Stuff That Life is Made Of Habit 4: Think Win-Win Life is an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood You Have Two Ears and One Mouth Habit 6: Synergize The "High" Way Unlike a checking account, once you open an RBA with another person, you can never close it. In a checking account, ten dollars is ten dollars. In an RBA, deposits tend to evaporate and withdrawals tend to turn to stone. The RBA Unlike a bank account, where you may have only one or two accounts, you have an RBA with everyone you meet. The Relationship
Bank Account The Relationship Bank Account The relationship bank account is much like a checking account. You can make deposits and improve the relationship, or take withdrawals and weaken it. Although there are many similairities, the RBA is different from a financial account in three ways. Thinking Win-Win Win-Lose Lose-Win Lose-Lose Win-Win The foundation for getting along well with others Thinking win-win begins with the
belief that we are all equal, that
no one is inferior or superior to
anyone else, and no one really
needs to be. So let's explore this
strange idea called thinking Win-Win. Win-Win is not Win-Lose, Lose-Win, or Lose-Lose. These are all common but poor attitudes toward life. The Totem Pole Win-lose is an attitude toward
life that says the pie of
success is only so big, and
if you get a big piece
there is less for me. Win-
lose will usually backfire.
You may end up on the top of
the totem pole, but you'll be
there alone and without friends. The Doormat Lose-Win is weak. It's easy
to get stepped on. It's easy
to be the nice guy. With a
Lose-Win attitude, you'll find yourself setting low expectations and
standards. The Downward Spiral Lose-Lose is usually what happens when two Win-Lose people get
together. If you want to win at
all costs, and so does the other person, you're both going to end up losing. Resulting in the downward-spiral of Lose-Lose The All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Win-Win is a belief that everyone can win. It's both nice and tough all at once. Win-Win always creates more. An endless buffet. Turning Weaknesses Into Strengths People who lack the native physical, social, or mental gifts they desire must fight just that much hard. And the uphill battle can produce qualities and strengths they couldn't develop any other way. That is how weakness can become strength. Pick Up A Planner Using a planner of some sort that has a calendar and space to write down appointments, assignments, to-do lists, and goals is the first step to being in quadrant 2. Adapt Daily With your weekly plan in place, adapt each day as needed. The simple act of planning ahead each week will help you focus on your big rocks and consequently accomplish so much more. Does It Really Work? Be Strong in the Hard Moments Overcoming
Peer Pressure Winning Means Rising
Each Time You Fall We should worry less about failing and more about the chances we miss when we don't even try, Hard moments are conflicts between doing the right thing and doing the easier thing. Some of the hardest moment come when facing peer pressure. Saying no when all your friends are saying yes takes raw courage. Does this time-management stuff really work? You bet it does. One of the few things that can be recycled is wasted time, so make the most of each moment. Keeping Promises If your RBA is low, try building it by keeping your commitments, because when people trust you, everything goes so much better. Do Small Acts of Kindness Sometimes the smallest things, such as a hello or a smile, can make such a big difference. If you want to build friendships, try doing the little things, because in relationships, the little things ARE the big things. Be Loyal Gossip and rumors probably have destroyed more reputations and relationships than every other bad habit combined. Loyal people are trustworthy and can keep secrets. Loyal people avoid gossip, and loyal people stick up for others Listen Listening to someone can be one of the single greatest deposits you can make into another's RBA. People need to be listened to almost as much as they need food. say You're Sorry Saying you're sorry when you yell, overreact or make a stupid mistake can quickly restore an overdrawn bank account. Don't let your pride or lack of courage stand in the way of saying you're sorry to people you may have offended, because it's never as scary as it seems, and it will make you feel so good afterward. Set Clear Expectations Whenever you get into a new job, relationship, or setting, you're better off taking the time to lay all expectations out on the table so that everyone is on the same page. How To Think Win-Win So how do you do it? Win The Private Victory First It all begins with you. If you are extremely insecure and haven't paid the price to win the private victory, it will be difficult to think Win-Win. Avoid The Tumor Twins Competing Comparing There are two habits that, like tumors, can slowly eat you away from the inside. They are twins and their names are competing and comparing. Competition can be extremely healthy. Without it, we would never know how far we could push ourselves. But there is another side to competition that isn't so nice. Competition becomes dark when you tie your self-worth into winning or when you use it as a way to place yourself above another. Comparing yourself to others is nothing but bad news. Why? Because we're all on different development timetables. Socially, mentally, and physically. The Fruits of the Win-Win Spirit Never underestimate what can happen when someone thinks Win-Win. Win-Win is contagious. If you're big hearted, committed to helping others succeed, and willing to share recognition, you'll be a magnet for friends. The Deepest Need of the Human Heart Why is this habit the key to communication? It's because the deepest need of the human heart is to be understood. People won't expose their soft middles unless they feel genuine love and understanding. You can show you're care by simply taking time to listen. Five Poor Listening Styles Spacing Out Pretend
Listening Selective Listening Word Listening Self-Centered Listening Spacing out
Self-centered listening Spacing out is when someone is talking to us but we ignore them because our mind is wandering off in another galaxy. We all space out from time to time, but do it too much and you'll get a reputation for being "out of it." It's more common than spacing out. We still aren't paying much attention to the other person, but at least we pretend we are. The speaker will usually get the hint and will feel that they are not important enough to be heard. Selective listening is where we pay attention only to the part of the conversation that interests us. If you are a selective listener, chances are you'll never develop lasting friendships. Word listening is when we actually pay attention to what someone is saying, but we listen only to the words, not to the body language, the feelings, or the true meaning behind the words. This happens when we see everything from our own point of view. Instead of standing in another's shoes, we want them to stand in ours. If we listen from our own point of view we often judge, advise, probe. Let's take a look at those 3 Advising Judging Probing Sometimes as we listen, we make judgments about them and what they're saying. If you're busy judging, you're not really listening, are you? This is when we give advice from our own experiences. If people want advice, they'll ask for it. Probing occurs when you try to dig up emotions before people are ready to share them. No one likes being interrogated. Genuine Listening Third First Second Genuine Listening
(The Real Stuff) There is a higher form of listening, fortunately, which leads to real communication. It's the kind of practice we want to put to use. But to do genuine listening, you need to do three things differently. Listen with your eyes, heart, and ears. Only 7% of communication is contained in the words we use, so listening with just your ears isn't good enough. The rest comes from body language and voice. Stand in their shoes. To become a genuine listener, you need to take off your shoes and stand in another's. Practice mirroring. Think like a mirror. What does a mirror do? It doesn't judge. It doesn't give advice. It reflects. Mirroring is as simple and repeating back in your own words what the other person is saying and feeling. Communicating With Parents Communication is hard enough by itself, but throw Mom or Dad into the mix and then you've got a tiger by the tail. If you want to improve your relationship with Mom or Dad, try listening to them, just like you would a friend. Synergy Is Everywhere What even is synergy? Synergy is when two or more people work together to create a better solution than either could alone. It's not your way or my way but a better way, a higher way. Synergy isn't anything new. If you've ever been on a team of any kind, you've felt it. Celebrating Differences Shun Diversity Celebrate Diversity Tolerate Diversity Synergy doesn't just happen, it's a process. To achieve synergy, you have to celebrate difference. There are three ways to handle diversity: Shun Diversity
Celebrate Diversity Shunners are afraid of differences. They enjoy ridiculing those who are different, all the while believing that they are are saving the world from some terrible pestilence. Tolerators believe that everyone has the right to be different. They don't shun diversity, but they don't embrace it either. Celebrators value differences. They see them as an advantage, not a weakness. They've learned that two people who think differently can achieve more than two people who think alike. "We are as a different from one another on the inside of our heads as we appear to be on the outside..." ~Robert Fulghum We Learn Differently Linguistic We Have Different Styles, Traits, and Characteristics. We See Differently We Are All a Minority Of One Your friend's or your sister's brain don't work the same way as yours does. Dr. Thomas Armstrong has identified seven kinds of smarts and says that kids may learn best through their most dominant intelligence: learn through reading, writing, telling stories Logical-Mathematical learn through logic, patterns, categories, relationships Bodily-Kinesthetic learn through bodily sensations, touching Spatial learn through images and pictures Musical learn through sound and rhythm Interpersonal learn through interaction and communicating with others Intrapersonal learn through their own feelings Everyone sees the world differently and has a different paradigm about themselves, others, and life in general. Everybody has their own quirks and idiosyncrasies. These are what give us individuality. Celebrate Your Own Diversity Instead of trying to blend in and be like everyone else, be proud of and celebrate your unique differences and qualities. Life is like a fruit salad, and a fruit salad is delicious because each fruit maintains its own flavor. Sticking Up For Diversity Fortunately, the world is full of people who are warm within and who value diversity. Sticking up for diversity shows courage, but sometimes there a roadblocks. Roadblocks To Celebrating Diversity Ignorance Cliques Prejudice Ignorance means you're clueless. You don't know what other people believes, how they feel, or what they've been through. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be with those you're comfortable with; it becomes a problem only when your group of friends becomes so exclusive that they begin to reject everyone who isn't just like them. Although we are all created equally, unfortunately we are not all treated equally. It's a sad fact that minorities of all types often have additional hurdles to leap in life because of prejudice. Finding the "High Way" Once you've bought into the idea that differences are a strength and not a weakness, and once you're committed to at least trying to celebrate differences, you're ready to find the High Way. The High Way is the best solution for all involved. Getting to Synergy There is a way to get to synergy. Here's a simple five step process to help you get there. Getting To Synergy Getting To Synergy Define The Problem Or Opportunity Their Way My Way Brainstorm High Way Action Plan! Seek first to understand the ideas of others Seek to be understood by sharing your ideas. Create new options and ideas Find the best solution You can tell if someone is reactive or proactive based on their language. Renewal Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw It's "Me Time" Keep Hope Alive! You'll Move Mountains Soul Heart Balance Is Better Brain Body Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw The Physical Dimension Exercise
Relax The Mental Dimension Read
Learn new skills The Emotional Dimension Build relationships
Laugh The Spiritual Dimension Meditate
Keep a journal
Take in quality media It is important to keep a balance and to keep in touch with the four dimensions of life. How you do in one dimension affects the other three. Take Time For a Time-Out You need time to relax and unwind. You have to take out time to treat yourself to a little tender loving care. This is what sharpening the saw is all about. Caring For Your Body Your body is a tool, and if you take good care of it, it will serve you well. You Are What You Eat Listen to your body. Pay careful attention to how different foods make you feel and from that develop your own handful of do's and don'ts.
Be moderate and avoid extremes when it comes to food
Food affects mood, so eat with care Use It or Lose It We all feel depressed, confused, or apathetic at times. And it's at times like these when perhaps the best thing we can do for ourselves is to exercise. Besides being good for your heart and lungs, exercise has an an amazing way of giving you a shot of energy, melting stress away, and clearing your mind. It's All About How You Feel, Not How You Look Be careful. In your quest for a better physique, make sure you don't get too obsessed with your appearance. Besides, if you didn't already know it, what you see on the covers of magazines aren't real. I Can Quit Whenever I Want Just as there are ways to care for your body, there are also ways to destroy it. And using addictive substances such as alcohol, drugs, and tobacco, are great ways to do it. The Refusal Skill Staying away from drugs of all kinds is a lot easier said than done. Here the refusal skill steps. 2 Ask Questions Name The Trouble 1 State The Consequences 3 Suggest an Alternative 4 Take Off 5 "Why would I want to smoke?"
"What will happen to me if I get stoned tonight?" "Smoking pot is illegal."
"Smoking will ruin my brain cells." "I could get arrested if I'm caught with drugs."
"If I get wasted tonight, I may do something I regret." "Hey, why don't we go see a movie?"
"We should make brownies. But not the special kind." "Sorry, everyone, but I'm out of here."
"I'd rather be home on the internet. I have a blog to run." Caring For Your Brain Caring for the mental dimension means developing brain power through your schooling, extracurricular activities, hobbies, jobs, and other mind-enlarging experiences. Sharpen Your Mind There are numerous ways to expand your mind, but the best approach may simply be to read. Reading is to the mind as exercise is to the body. Find Your Niche While you may need to endure some subjects you don't enjoy at school, find the subjects you do enjoy and build upon them. Take additional classes, check out books, and see movies about the topic. Don't let school be your only form of education. Don't Let School Get In The Way Of Your Education Grades are important, especially because they lead to future job and education options. But there is so much more to an education than grades. Post-High School Educational Options Admissions offices and companies that are hiring don't care so much about what you majored in. They want to see evidence that you have a sound mind. They will be looking and your desire, standardize test scores, extracurriculars, letters of recommendation, grade point average, and communication skills. Mental Barriers Screentime The Nerd Syndrome Pressure As you attempt to build a brain, you will need to overcome a few barriers. Here are three to consider: Screentime is any time spent in front of a screen, like a TV or Computer. Some time can be healthy, but too much time can numb your mind. Some teens don't want to do too well in school because others might think they're nerds. This is just plain stupid. Sometimes we're scared of doing well in school because of the high expectations it creates. You Gotta Wanna In the end, the key to honoring your mind will be your desire to learn. You've gotta really want it. Caring For Your Heart The best way to nourish and care for you heart is to focus on building relationships, or in other words, to make regular deposits into your relationship bank accounts and into your own bank account. Sex and Relationships Sex is about whole lot more than your body. It's also about your heart. In fact, what you do about sex may affect your self-image and your relationships with other more than any other decision you make. Before you decide to have sex or continue having it, search your heart and think about it...carefully. Laugh Or You'll Cry After all is said and done, there is one last key to keeping your heart healthy and strong. Just laugh. That's right...laugh. Don't worry, be happy, because sometimes life just stinks and there's no much and you can do to change it, so you might as well laugh. Caring For Your Soul Feeding your soul is tricky because it's different for everyone. Here are a few examples of how to feed your soul: Meditating
Writing in a journal
Going for a walk
Reading inspiring books
Writing poetry or music
Thinking deeply Getting Back to Nature There is something magical about getting into nature that just can't be matched. Even if you live in a downtown area far removed from rivers, mountains, or beaches, there will usually be a park nearby that you can visit. A Teen's Best Friend Like getting into nature, keeping a journal can do wonders for your soul. It can become your solace, your best friend, the only place that no matter how you feel, you can fully express yourself. You Can Do It! Sharpening the saw won't just happen to you. Since it's a quadrant 2 activity (important but not urgent), you have to be proactive and make it happen. The best thing to do is to take out time each day to sharpen the saw, even if it's only for fifteen or thirty minutes. Keep Hope Alive! You'll move mountains All of this is meant to give you hope. Hope that you can change, kick an addiction, improve an important relationship. Hope that you can find answers to your problems and reach your fullest potential. So what if you family life stinks, you're failing school, and the only good relationship you have is with your cat. Keep hope alive! You'll be amazed at the results a few small changes can bring. The End. Mrs. Tuchols