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Ander Monson: The Beard, The Myth, The Legend
Transcript of Ander Monson: The Beard, The Myth, The Legend
The Beard, The Myth, The Legend www.RateMyProfessor.com DIAGRAM Vanishing Point Ander-ogyny "Wookieesque. Or maybe cookieesque. Some days he smelled like smelt. Other days a barely-risen yeast. If you looked very closely you could see that his tears were like rainbows in the dark. Take Kaneko if you have a choice. I lost my voice I had to talk so much. As such his is nice, a high tenor, but not girlish. Never girlish. Well maybe sometimes." "Ander saved my life dozens of times that winter we spent trapping outside of his hometown of Houghton. His workshops will change your life, I know they changed mine. He is the free money to Clarke's infection." "His classes are serious...seriously full of beard, that is. He is the King of Beardsville. The citizens of Beardsville are worried. If anyone can find Ander, please let him know that the lusciousness of his secret garden is overflowing the palace walls and the neighbors are complaining. That, and his Spice Girls cd is skipping." "He was cool at first. Then one morning his face appeared in my bathroom mirror. I’ll think I hear his voice at night outside my window, but no one’s there. I find tufts of beard-hair under my pillow at least twice a week. I’ve seen four priests, three rabbis and a witch doctor, but apparently there’s nothing I can do. Ander Monson is haunting me". "This will sound crazy but it has been confirmed by multiple sources that Ander Monson's beard possesses magical properties. Similar to pheonix feathers and unicorn fat, any one of many effects can be accomplished by plucking a single hair from his chin while he sleeps, boiling it in mountain dew, and carrying it in an airtight case. Good luck." "ander monson is a spice girls fan. you will figure this out when he shows up with Ander Monson, JR, his side-kick, dressed up as a different spice girl every class. he also makes time at the end of every class for a re-enactment of different parts of the concert he attended with Ander Monson, JR. Be prepared." "Ander Jr. is not so much a teacher as a small wooden voodoo doll with a beard of short curly hairs. Monson Sr. would often create distractions (Look, a Carnosaur) so that he could replace himself with Jr. The class was reluctant at first, but Jr. is an amazing prof I think we are now ready for the Jihad." Worst photo of an author for a book cover/dust jacket ever taken.
(And yes, this image is in extreme hi-def for your viewing delight.) Ander Monson Ander-ogyny, as in, the Ander-ness of what Ander Monson does.
So what does Ander Monson do, in terms of writerly tricks?
Pretty much everything, plus three. Themes and Concerns
death, life, and the randomness of both
humor as a way of staving off sadness
science and the scientific
the physical landscape of regular life
isolation Things He Does
cheesy word play
twisting of time and space
the space on the page
pictures, charts and diagrams
1st-2nd-3rd person narration Ander Monson's newest book, a collection of personal essays full of self-deprecating humor, "dorky" ramblings, and strikingly insightful comments about living in the world of 2010 and trying to find a we in a hyper-digital world full of increasingly removed I's and isolated me's. From the website, www.diagram.com:
WE VALUE the insides of things, vivisection, urgency, risk, elegance, flamboyance, work that moves us, language that does something new, or does something old--well. We like iteration and reiteration. Ruins and ghosts. Mechanical, moving parts, balloons, and frenzy. Buzz us.
WE WANT art and writing that demonstrates / interaction; the processes / of things, both inner and outer; how certain functions are accomplished; how things become. How they expire. How they move or churn, or stand.
We enjoy traditional forms. We eschew traditional forms. We lie. Send us annotations, schematics, poems, sentence diagrams, definitions. Make us love you.
More info on submission at the website, along with archives and all kinds of good stuff. IT'S over!