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Fathered By God

Navigating the Masculine Journey with John Eldredge

vincent clementine

on 22 October 2013

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Transcript of Fathered By God

Fathered By God
The Masculine Journey
Boyhood & Cowboy
Warrior & Lover
King & Sage
The King
will provide a thousand sessions for the raising of the Warrior.
Healing the past

this is what we long for.
Passivity prevents us from
becoming Warriors
We have been made to

Jesus knows what it is like to be Fatherless as a young man.
But there is

This stage is about using
our strength
The warrior’s nature is fierce, and brave, ready to confront evil, ready to go into battle.
The Warrior HEART
“Father you are a great Warrior, and I am made in your image. I am your son, and a warrior, too. Open my eyes to see how you have been developing the Warrior in me. Show me where I’ve misinterpreted what has been happening in my life. Give me strength and resolve to rise up and accept my warrior training. And when I am losing heart, give me your grace and encouragement to hang in there, all the way through to victory.
“Father teach me to be a Lover. Open the eyes of my heart to all the ways you have been romancing me. Remind me what awakened my heart when I was young. Show me how you are wooing me even now. I give my heart to you. Heal the wounded Lover in me. Forgive me all my sins and failures here. Come, and lead me in deep repentance and restoration. Teach me to love with a whole heart. Amen.
1, How have you taken the path of least resistance and not engaged in the battle?

2, Are there any hardships in your life that could be seen as warrior training?

3, When was your heart first awakened to beauty? Explain.


This is an essential stage so often overlooked.
A boy the greatest gift – to know

She is not 'The Beauty' - only the messenger
A Warrior is more than fighter

He begins to notice
“That which draws us to the heart of God is often that which lifts our heart from the mundane. And the life of your heart is what God is most keenly pursuing.”
Falling in Love
The lover is wounded when:

he looks to a woman 4

It’s not a big enough romance.

his heart matters

has been wooing us our whole life.
The Romancer
with God
God woos us
STRANGE Language for Men
by opening our heart to the beauty of the world around us.
we must
Learning to be loved, and to love,
is what this stage is all about.
slow down
or we will miss it
He makes man a warrior
in his own image
Great Warrior
His heart was

He does not engage,
does not intervene,
does not do a thing.
The Passivity
of Adam
The warrior’s heart has been wounded when:
there is
no one to train him
But we know he was not alone.
We too, have a Father who is a great warrior

In the field of battle

And the warrior will wake up.
Don’t take
the path of least resistance.
Be decisive
Read stories of warriors
Facing Your Enemy
Like Father Like Son
Manhood is Bestowed!!
This whole lecture series builds on two premises:
1. Manhood is bestowed on us by our father or an older man and ultimately by God the Father. It is not something which we automatically get or can achieve by what we do, or by simply getting older, it can’t come from the brotherhood of boys, or from the world of women.
2. Becoming a man is a continuous process of initiation. A man realises and expresses his manhood (healthy masculine energy) in different ways at different stages of his life. This process is overseen and led by your father, and the company of men and ultimately (primarily) by God the Father. The father bestows manhood on the boy by testing him, by 'showing him how' and by affirming his son's masculine goodness. Manhood is Bestowed!
0-13 (roughly).
A time of wonder, exploration and affirmation.

The BEDROCK – being the beloved son, knowing that you are the apple of your father’s eye, his prize.

Bible/Jesus: “You are my son the beloved with whom I am well pleased”

Movie: Life Is Beautiful

13-20 (roughly).
A time of adventure, testing, daring, danger and being “shown how”.

The QUESTION – “Do I Have What It Takes?” camping, extreme sports, first car, big trip, job – discovering that we have what it takes.

Bible/Jesus: Desert temptation

Movie/book: The four Hobbits, Stand By Me (Walking on the rail tracks)

20s-30s (roughly).
A time to rise up, stand for something, make tough decisions.

Taking the RISK – fighting Goliath! Becoming disciplined, standing for a cause, to protect the country, social justice for those less fortunate.

Bible/Jesus: “he set his face like flint” towards Jerusalem.

Movie: The Matrix

20s-30s (roughly).
A time to of beauty and awe, to behold, pursue and romance.

The ROMANCE – In awe of beauty in Nature, in Woman, in God. Learning the way of the heart, the language, the art of Romance (nature, music, art, poetry etc.). A man offers his strength in service of beauty.

Bible/Jesus: “Lily’s of the field” “wedding at Cana”

Movie: Ground Hog Day

40s-50s (roughly).
A time to rule, bring order, protection and provision for those in your care, and to impart a vision and purpose for the Kingdom.

RULING –Leadership in the workplace, business, community, organisation, team. Having immediate power and influence to make happen what he once dreamed of, having worked hard to make real .

Bible/Jesus: The Good Shepherd (John 10; 19)

Movie/book: Aragorn, The Lion King

60+ (roughly).
A time to guide and encourage with wisdom.

WISDOM – Not expertise but experience of a whole life with God – no longer ruling but wielding greater influence and authority in raising up, guiding and encouraging Kings.

Bible/Jesus: Samuel

Movie/book: Yoda, Mr Miyagi, Gandalf

clip: John Eldredge "Elk Antlers"
being the beloved son
The Bedrock
To know that:
you are the beloved son , the apple of his eye
you live in a world made safe by the Father
the father is there with you, taking you on adventures, teaching and encouraging you, giving you what your heart longs for – you matter to him
you are the hero of the fathers story (in the making)
If Jesus needed to know it ... we need to know it!
Jesus' baptism and testing (Luke 3:21-22; 4:1-2)
Boy - Fathers Affirmation = Abandonment.
Boy + Fathers Affirmation = Budding Cowboy
Wounds of a Boy
"Being the beloved son"
absent father - "what's wrong with me?"
passive father - physical/emotional/accidental
abusive father - " ... " betrayal from the protector
Symptoms - boys who missed their dad's affirmation:
Crave attention, affirmation, belovedness
Can’t move confidently into their world, hesitant and fearful
Chase success ... failure is shattering
Seek love in many false lovers
How we were handled as boys, shaped us into the men we are!
Becoming the beloved son
acknowledge and let go
meet your true father
In God's name
We're all
to be Kings!

Parable of the
Mt 25:14-30
"Invest" your gifts!!
Being a king is a time of great testing!
The great temptation for
kings is to misuse their
power, resources, and
influence...think of Judas!
Male initiation:
learning how to
handle power
Human power is
designed to be at the
service of others...
Social status
Physical strength
The problem:
Epidemic misuse of power
Looking for belovedness in
all the wrong places...
The solution:


(being Fathered by God)
Coming to know ourselves
as the beloved son
Now we're ready to rule a kingdom!!
King Henry 8th
Adolf Hitler
Hugh Hefner
Key Qualities of a King
The goal of the masculine journey
The Lion King
"Rises and falls" - only for a time
"Beyond our borders" - know where your kingdom ends
"Respect all the creatures" - love everyone!
"Circle of Life" - We all have equal dignity in God
"The kings heart is in the hand of the Lord; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases” (Proverbs 21:1)
Fundamental heart attitude:
"See, just as the Lord has charged
me, I now teach you statutes..."
Deut 4:5
“For I did not speak of my own accord, but the Father who sent me commanded me what to say and how to say it”
Jn 12:49
Key functions of a King:
1. Bring order to his realm
2. Fights for the security of his kingdom
How do you
handle power?
Kingship is about
Key Question:
What can I do for others with
the power I have?
Steve Waugh
Wounded Kings
Not allowed to be young kings
Given too much responsibility
Clip: "Life is Beautiful"
clip: Craig McConnell
How it's supposed to work:
Do I have what it takes?
The critical things:
Without an Answer ...
We keep asking, or attempt to answer it ourselves
Becoming the Cowboy
clip: Morgan "Working with the Father"
Not a question ... THE QUESTION!!!
... addressed to Dad ...
Bedrock (security):
The boy needs to be assured that he is the apple of his Father’s eye, protected and praised
clip: John Eldredge: “Cowboy Stage”
? ? ?
The Search ...
Rejecting manhood altogether
Proving that we are men,
Or just being timid men
He might go to women
Passes on wisdom
Help others to become
more fruitful...and closer to God
Sages speak with authority
“The people were amazed at his teaching, because he taught them as one who had authority.” Mk 1:22
The Karate
The Karate Kid
Often a sages advice makes sense...
but sometimes not at first
If you trust your teacher...trust his
advice...even when you don't fully
get it (like Daniel).
We all need
Finding a
Finding a sage
1. Pray for one
2. Think of potential
sages in your life
Becoming a
Becoming a sage is the result of a life well lived
Taking as few a shortcuts as possible,
Take not of what God is teaching you – journaling
Be a student of the scriptures
Hang out with the wise
The Masculine Journey
Depth of Character
Genuine Confidence
True Identity
Inner Strength.
Manhood is an inner reality
Genuine Manhood
Versions of Manhood
Commitment vs. Options.
Don't close off other options....
Some immediate indicators of our immaturity:
Chasing Toys & Experiences.
So many "things" and experiences
are promising us fulfillment
Dreaming boy.
Just One of the [30 yr old] boys.
There is enormous pressure for men to remain in boyish culture (alcohol, womanising, wasting life watching TV) while holding a man’s job and commitments. Never knowing a better way.
Half-initiated brotherhoods.
Pseudo initiation (gangs, sporting teams, etc):
Drinking ≠ Courage
Womanising ≠ Loving
Fighting ≠ Bravery
Bulking up ≠ Strength
Smart ≠ Wisdom
When do we
become a man??
"When my father
told me..."
The FBG theory
1. Manhood is bestowed
2. We need to be initiated
over and over
for Validation
Passive observer
Adventure addict
• Can you identify with this question?

• Do you recognise any of these patterns in your life?
Wounds of a Cowboy
Being abandoned
Being invalidated
Being tested too heavily
Look out for
Go on
Let the Father
Take risks, face challenges, have a go, find a guide
The “self-made man” ... doesn't exist
brotherhood of boys

or from the
world of women.
Manhood is
by the Father, and the company of men
1. What did you most react to in today’s lecture?

2. Do you know yourself as the beloved Son?

3. What do you need to do?

4. Do you identify with the Question?

5. Do you recognise any of these patterns in your own life?
(Just answer a couple)
challenges and adventures that test the boy, through which Dad shows his son “how it’s done”
The Father's direct answer to the son’s question: “Yes son, you have what it takes”
John Eldredge
The 6 Stages
Big dreams but lack of self-belief
Gives up too easily
A path, not a formula
Need to be deliberate in
moving through them
Soak them in!
We carry all the stages
Fathered by God
We need to experience (be initiated) in
the stages over and over...over the course
of years
Faking it
•What about this session on the masculine journey stands out to you? What do you find yourself reacting to most strongly?

Most of us fake masculine strength. We present ourselves to the world as having an external masculinity that, internally, we know we don’t. Our journey involves coming to the point of admitting that we are unfinished men who need fathering.
•Where are you on the continuum of seeing yourself as an unfinished man?

•What’s your internal reaction to the thought that God wants to father you?
“It is God who arms me with strength…He makes my feet leap like the deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle.” (Psalm 18:32-34).
clip: The Patriot
Clip: The Matrix
Where is a place you have been to that
opens you up to God's beauty? What is that
experience like for you?
What strengths would you like to offer the
current/future woman you are in relationship with?
1, How have you taken the path of least resistance and not engaged in the battle? What is a battle that you need to face up to at this time?

2, Are there any hardships in your life that could be seen as warrior training?
Kingship is always about the
1.Share about a “king” that you have experienced in your own life. What kind of influence have they had on the type of king you are or want to be?
1.Have you, or do you have a sage in your life, someone who has passed on wisdom and encouragement? How has he impacted your life? Or, is there someone in your life now that you think you could approach?

2.What area of your life would you most like a sage to give you advice on at this time?
Lets be intentional...and engage!
Why engage? Why be intentional? 1
.Because you have a depth of goodness and strength that is there for you to draw on2.To make sense of your life!!! Your energy, desires, … you have a purpose and destiny 3.Because it’s not just you!!! God actually wants to Father you!!!4.To become a Man – capable of doing great good, becoming great!!!

Get a Sage in your life - learn what you can from older men, ask questions.•Ask God to help you to get in touch with your strength, to heal your wounds and to receive forgiveness, and to know your goodness. •Engage in battles – fight, engage in conflict, don’t walk away from conflict at work, in the family, etc.•Take opportunities where you can discover that you have what it takes – Have a go, and get a teacher.
How To be Engaged and Intentional
Just an introduction
Manhood is



There is a

to Father you

Goodness & Strength
Shame & Weakness
Full transcript