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Family Stress and Coping Concept Map
Transcript of Family Stress and Coping Concept Map
Planning to be married is something that occurs within us naturally from childhood. We watch the
fairytales that end with the perfect 'happily ever after'. What may not be understood is the stress that can occur as two different people now learn and work to become one. There are major factors that can cause stress in a marriage, one is a strong desire to have the perfect relationship you have always dreamed of, this relationship is possible but there is great amount of time and effort involved. This stress can be overcome by applying a few basic tools.
Family Stress and Coping Concept Map
The Limbic System
There are many emotions present in a marriage. There's immense love for your spouse, sometimes irritations occur because we are all human and no one is perfect. There can also be some negative feelings toward family members or in-laws.
One area of the brain is the limbic system. It is the emotional control center. When we experience strong emotions, those emotions will take control of the brain, causing us to lose our ability to think rationally and in consequence, the body reacts to whatever one has told himself/herself, real or not.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a tool that therapists use to help people change their lives by changing their thoughts and understanding the cognitive distortions within their thoughts. One method used in CBT is a mood log. A mood log allows one to externally recognize his/her negative emotions, understand the cognitive distortions, and replace the negative thoughts with, more true, positive thoughts.
If a husband or wife is experiencing negative feelings towards their spouse or family he/she should consider recognizing their cognitive distortions and working to change them and think more positively about their marriage. This would make a world of a difference in a marriage, allowing spouses to grow closer together.
In a marriage, not everything will go exactly how it was imagined. There will be bumps in the road. As problems arise and are needing to be dealt with, the husband and wife can use the ABCX model to answer the question 'what next?'
The actual event that occurs.
Both the resources available and the responses to those resources.
Cognition: How do you think about the event, paired with how you utilized your available resources?
The complete experience
After the ABCX model has been completed the husband and wife should have a better idea of how the circumstances will play out. This model will need to be repeated each time a new circumstance arises that was not expected. If they complete the model for a circumstance and they find that there is more to it than they had originally thought then they should also complete the model again, or they can choose between any of the revisions of the model.
After the ABCX model
Mindfulness is paying attention to things as they are, in the moment, without judgement. If a husband and wife will utilize the tools of the ABCX model and CBT then they will learn to more effectively ease their anxiety and cope with the stress. This will allow them to be more mindful of their approaching life stresses on their love for each other.
The Council Method
As the husband and wife council together about their life together they will find that they are united in their decisions and that they have grown closer as a couple and as a system with God.
Having an Agenda is important when counseling as a family because it keeps the members on track and makes sure that important matters are discussed. It also allows the members to spend time reflecting on what is going to be discussed so that they are more prepared to share their thoughts.
Setting a sacred time for members to meet and discuss items on the agenda is important because members know when exactly the meeting will occur and can plan accordingly.
Meeting in a sacred place (preferably a quiet one) where there are no distractions creates an environment for the family to be focused on the task at hand and be fully attentive to each member and their opinions.
Expression of Love and Appreciation to All Members in Attendance
Before the discussion begins, each member in attendance, whether just the husband and wife, them with their families, or them with their children. They need to begin by expressing love and appreciation to every other member. This will dissolve any negative feelings before the discussion begins.This also creates an atmosphere of respect that each member will have toward every other member's opinion.
Open with a Prayer
Opening with a prayer brings humility, peace, and harmony to the family members.
Discuss Agenda Topics to Consensus
Topics are then discussed to consensus, each member gets a turn to speak their opinion for each topic. The group should not compromise. The father and mother should not overrule each family member, but discuss each topic until everyone agrees on the same outcome.
Close with a Prayer
By closing with a prayer the members express thanks to Heavenly Father for their experience together.
Taking time to share refreshments together afterward again allows each member a time to interact positively with one another.
Each person copes with stress differently. By using the tools available: understanding how our brains work, the ABCX model, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and the council method we can become more resilient and mindful, turning our stressful crises into crucible expereinces. Effectively learning to cope with stressful situations, whether it be during the wedding planning or in the new life thereafter; there will always be stress, and because of it, there will always be coping.
The wedding is beautiful and fun, but it is not important, the most important part of a wedding is the new union that is created within a society. Elder Packer put it this way, "Marriage is yet safe, with all its sweet fulfillment, with all its joy and love. In marriage all of the worthy yearnings of the human soul, all that is physical and emotional and spiritual, can be fulfilled." He also stated,"Marriage is not without trials of many kinds. These tests forge virtue and strength. The tempering that comes in marriage and family life produces men and women who will someday be exalted." It can be easy while planning the wedding to forget that life after the marriage ceremony will be difficult. Trials will still occur, remember to utilize the tools known to deal with stress accurately.
Resilience is being able to bounce back after a crisis. There is one critical factor to resilience: behavior. A person's behavior is fueled by their thoughts. By learning to think positively through the help of the previously mentioned tools, one can become more resilient. It is essential for a husband and wife to build resilience, there will be greater stresses with time. By learning resilience early on this couple will be able to deal with all of the challenges they will someday have to face.
McCubbin and Patterson liked Hill's ABCX model but thought it was lacking in places, they added the factor of a pileup of stressors and adjustment, good (bon) or bad (mal).
Family Typology Model
McCubbin and McCubbin built off of the double ABCX model by adding adaptation after adjustment showing that some families have to make permanent adaptations not just temporary adjustments.
Double ABXC Model
From Crisis to Crucible
As a family councils together during times of crisis they will help one another change their negative thoughts about an experience to be more positive as they discuss the good that has come of the event. Learning that the experience actually had lessons to be learned and understanding that the individual, family, or marriage was able to grow individually and together during the crisis and develop a deeper sense of 'oneness'.
Learning the Triage
As a family councils together they will learn the triage, what is most important that needs to be taken care of, before anything else.