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Conflict and Resolution Between Family and Friends

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Jennifer Lightwood

on 3 November 2014

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Transcript of Conflict and Resolution Between Family and Friends

How Do We Solve A Conflict Between Family And Friends
Conflict is the misunderstanding between two parties. It can ruin the relationship between family, friends or peers.
Family conflict
Lily's parents are always comparing their children's grades. Susan, Lily's younger sibling, is getting higher grades than Lily. Lily's parents get upset at her because they think she never tries.

Difference between Family and Friend conflict
1. Be open to the problem and accept what has happened. Do not be ignorant as to turn away from the problem because the situation will never be solved.
2. NEVER accuse anyone of what they have done, because it will only lead to a bigger problem. And remember, you are part of the situation as well, so the other person shouldn't take the blame for everything.
3. Describe what the problem is. You should always start by knowing what the problem is,so you know how to solve it with the best solutions.
Friend Conflict
Sally has a very important exam to review for, but her friend keeps distrusting her.
Conflict and Resolution Between Family and Friends
Conflict can be caused in a face to face situation or online using technology.
One may be more aggressive towards their family
Family conflict is more about independence, expectations or when your values are different.
How can family conflict effect friend/peer conflict, vice versa
Studies show that improving family conflict can amend friend/peer conflict as well
How Do We Solve A Conflict Between Family And Friends (Cont'd)
4. Tell the other person/people how you feel so they kow how the problem is effecting you.
5.Think of the best possible solutions of how all of you can be happy and get what you want.
6.Pick out the most reasonable solution to solving your problem in which everyone is happy.
7. Come to an agreement in which everyone likes the end results.

Sally is very annoyed and yelled "shut up !" to her friends, now her friends are calling her a nerd and starts to exclude her in group activities.
Things To Keep In Mind While Solving A Conflict
What should Sally do?
- Be respecful. If you don't agree with someone, let them finish what they are saying and then state your statement. DO NOT interrupt.
-Express your feelings. This helps you get out all the things you were keeping inside and it also helps the others to know what you are feeling about this problem.
-DO NOT blame others. Accept your failures and DO NOT accuse anyone of anything.
-DO NOT be violent. If anything violent does start happening, tell someone you trust (i.e. teachers, parents, e.t.c.) and postpone the meeting for another day A.S.A.P.
" You
never finish your
your work!"
Being treated like a kid
Going out with friends
Choosing what you eat
Communication Roadblocks
on time!"

"You don't care about
because your a teenager !"
Good marks
Focused on work
Good attitude
Social Skills
grades are dropping"
The parents

Family Conflicts
Disapproval of Friends
What could they have done differently?
You-messages into I- messages
Friend 1 accuses friend 2 and 3 for not doing anything for her.
and friend 2 accuses friend 1 for never sharing.
friend 2 advises friend 1 that her top doesn't suit her
Communication filters
When friend 3 thinks Sally is smart because shes asian
Friend 2 assumes friend 1 is rich because she is Caucasian, and all Caucasian people are rich.
You- Messages converted to I-messages
Sally: Can you guys seriously shut up!
I feel annoyed when you guys keep talking because I am trying to work.
Friend 2: You never share!
I feel it is unfair when i always share and you never share because I am getting nothing out of our friendship.
Types of communication styles
Passive aggressive
In the beginning of the script sally's behavior was passive aggressive because she did ask nicely for her friends to keep it down.
Her behavior changed to aggressive because she yelled shut up and got really angry if we were to have continued the scene Sally may have done something she would regret later on.
Solution strategies

Sally could use an I- message as a solution strategy: I feel annoyed when you guys keep talking because I am trying to work.

She could also walk away from the situation and find new friends but that is a little extreme.

So, Sally using an I-message would be her best bet because it delivers the same message but in an more polite and friendly way.
Communication filters

Lily's parents are prejudice because they think that she doesnt care because she is a teenager.

Her parents are bias because they are judging how responsible their children are by their grades and their age.
Communication roadblocks
Her parents are judging Lily by thinking that she is less responsible than Susan, they are judging that by their grades.
Lily accuses her parents for picking favorites.
While Lily's parents accuse her for never finishing her work, never listening and never being home.




Susan: She has an assertive behavior because when at fault for being late, she apologizes and respects the needs, opinions, and feelings of her parents.
The parents: They have an assertive behavior but this is only with Susan, because they respect her independence because her grades are good.
Lily: She has an aggressive behavior because she doesn't apologize for things even when she is at fault ( when she was late and why her grades where dropping).

The parents: They are aggressive but only with Lily, when Lily states that they don't care or pick favorites they don't own up to it and they just change the subject.
Parents: You never finish your work! Your grades are dropping! You never listen! You are never home!
Lily: You are never there for me! You don't care!
I feel disrespected when we give you instructions and you don't follow them because you are disobeying us.
I feel upset when you only focus on Susan because it seems like you don't care and you are never there for me.
Solution Strategy
3rd person: Susan comes up with a solution that addresses both parties arguments.
This helps to calm the situation and allow them to listen with an open mind and apply their ideas.
Full transcript